To not have a christening?

[Marliyaloo]

Neither mine or DPs family is religious. There is also conflict within each family, family scattered all over the country etc so it would be difficult to bring everyone together. DPs not really bothered. I'm not, i'd rather spend that money on DDs first birthday or her savings.

DPs family though, particularly MIL (I really dont want to make this a MIL one I would be just as annoyed if DM acted like this), are really pushing for one.

From driving home from the hospital 4 days after birth, MIL said she can't wait for the christening to be at her local church. No mention of me or where my family might like a christening to be. We told her we don't want a christening.

When DD was a week old, she went on and on about how she can wear a family gown which has been passed down, at their local church, and go to her favourite pub for the after party (if that's the word?). Again no mention about my family and this upset my DM as she was there. She text me after saying MIL was being overbearing and rude, would she like me to have a quiet word and I said no.

Again, MIL mentions the christening a few times over text and each time I've said we don't want one and the reasons why. She'll say "aw that's a shame" then bring it up again later. DP woke up to a text from her saying she has the availible dates for next month, can he ring her to discuss booking.

AIBU to not want a christening, especially organised and conducted by MIL? Part of me wants to agree so she'll drop it.

Could you let her take some photos of the baby in the family christening gown as a bit of a compromise?
Absolutely don’t christen if you don’t hold the Christian faith yourself and don’t want to!! Would she listen to the ‘my child can make their own choice when they’re older’ argument?

My MIL is the same and I have been very clear that DD (9weeks) won't be christened as neither family is religious. She went on about how lovely it would be and how DD won't be able to be buried on particular grounds if she's christened. I simply said that I find it very disrespectful to have christenings just for the sake of it but if at any point they wanted to commit to taking her to church each Sunday and to being her spiritual guides then of course I would reconsider. They love a Saturday night out and never to go to church so it was swiftly dropped. I also pointed out that if DD decided she wanted to be christened at any point in the future we would fully support her.

@blackcat86 Sounds awfully similar to my MIL then, I might try the does she want to be DDs spiritual guide as she to enjoys a Saturday night out

I'd just ignore her and let her book all the christenings she wants, it's not like she can force you to attend. Anyway it sounds like she just wants a day out, how about a naming ceremony if that's your thing?

"When I was younger and a Christian, it used to bug me that people would come along to our Sunday service (basically free so a popular choice), dressed up like for a wedding, make us sit through their child's christening and participate, make vows to raise the child as Christian in front of us... and then never be seen again. Just because they wanted the church in the photos and get all dressed up. "

This in bucket loads. People do this at our church all the time, have their children baptised for the 'do', dressing up and the nice photos, then they're never seen again. Our parish office has a stack of baptism certificates for babies who's parents have just never been back.
Why can't they just have a naming ceremony or a welcome baby party with all but the church service? It just seems so hypocritical when the parents play no part in the church at any other time.

Echoing WeeBeasties and others here:

Rather than turning it into a fight, could you find out exactly what it is about a christening that is important to her and see if there is anything you CAN do that would be acceptable to you all?

My Mum was a bit like yours about us having a christening. She is not a churchgoer so we had a frank conversation about it and it came out that the most important thing to her was having photos of the baby in the heirloom gown (which was originally her great grandmothers)

We ended up going to hers and spending an hour one weekend morning with a handful of other, local, family members in a beautiful, natural spot. We took some gorgeous photos and had a glass of champagne to wet the baby's head. It was simple, non-religious, very sweet and everyone left happy. I liked having the link back to my great great grandmother and it all felt quite meaningful to all of us in the end.

Good luck. I hope you manage to resolve it!

It’s absolutely your decision. Your baby, your rules.
But may I just correct a repeated misapprehension shown by PPs on this thread? Several have said they want the baby to “make its own choices” re religion when grown up.
Baptism is nothing to do with the child’s choices.
If the child wishes to be a Christian, it will opt for a Confirmation ceremony as an adult, where it makes vows for itself.
Baptism is the service for parents, and indeed the whole congregation, to make vows to care for the child’s moral and spiritual welfare, and to raise it on Christian principles in a Christian household. It should be obvious that the baby is promising nothing and committing itself to nothing!
If your MIL was religious (I see from your later post that she is not), you could have had a naming ceremony and blessing at your church, which involves no vows.
In your circumstances, I would state once- firmly and in writing- that there will be no baptism, and then completely ignore any future communication on the subject from MIL, while being pleasant and sociable in all other respects.

I'd have liked a christening for my DC but we aren't religious and it seems awfully hypocritical to have a religious ceremony that you don't believe in, just because it's quite nice.
I would have liked godparents for my DC as he has no relatives apart from DH and I and 3 elderly grandparents. We considered a naming ceremony but DH didn't want MIL there as she's a nightmare and in the end we couldn't find anything that didn't seem pretentious and a bit wanky.

You should do whatever works for you, tell MIL to stuff off. She got to make decisions for her family, this is yours and your DH's.

No offence meant to anyone who had a naming ceremony btw I'm sure it is possible to have a lovely one but we have never been to one and just couldn't visualise it.

Wafflyversatile's idea is the worst of both worlds. Why on earth would you pretend you've had the baby christened when what you want your MIL to understand is that christening means nothing to you?

Don't give in as it'll be the green light to do allsorts. Can't believe she's ignoring your wishes!

I think you're wording it wrong by saying, "We don't want one". You need to say, "We're not having one."

If she's anything like my mother, and she sounds similar, she probably doesn't care what you want.

If you and your DP are not religious, then you would be lying to have a christening. The scattered family are just another reason.

Let her try, the priest (or whoever) will shut it down very quickly.

A couple of tales to make you smile OP.

At our wedding, we were cutting the cake; suddenly new MIL yelled "not that tier, it's for the christening". Everyone turned and stared at her. Nope, I wasn't pregnant and we wouldn't christen any future DC. I just pushed the knife down harder and thought OMG, what have I done 

A former manager of mine was Spanish. Said to her DM that she wasn't baptising the baby (Catholic family). One day she left DM and an aunt babysitting, when she came back she heard the bath running - turns out her DM was so upset by not having a baptism they did their own impromptu one in the bath! My manager was so shocked she just let them get on with it!

I only scanned your OP. Easy answer:

Do you want to christen your DC? If yes, do it. If no, don't do it.