I'm actually not wanting to stop him seeing them as, aside from anything else, I need him to have them as he does so I can work, but I'm increasingly unhappy with it.
Every time I go to collect them ds1 is upstairs on his phone and ds2 is on the laptop on Roblox. Ds2 has a swimming lesson on the night he is at ex's (he's 9 and still stage 3), yet he often refuses to go and ex doesn't make him, so he spends yet more time sitting on the bloody laptop. We do EOW (only includes 1 overnight) and one overnight each week, and on the weekend they are at ex's he often doesn't take ds2 to his drama class, causing me to waste money and problems for the group as they are rehearsing. It's just embarrassing.
It's so hard to get ds2 to do anything and I'm finding it increasingly difficult to get him out of the house and interested in anything, and I'm sure it's being exacerbated by ex giving him unlimited screen time. He never reads with him. He'll do homework with ds1 if asked, but ds2 is a different character and would never ask, so does fuck all there.
Ex also pays nothing towards their upkeep (despite my having contacted CSA 6 months ago - they can't get anything from him) and buys them nothing. So they have limited clothes at his house, it's dirty and messy there, he gives them shit packed lunches shoved in a carrier, he's a lazy fuck, basically. He refuses to reply to my texts, so there's no consistency between us or sense that we are trying to parent the children together and act in their best interests. I had to pick up the dc tonight and he refused to speak to me at all, despite the fact I needed to clarify something about next week's arrangements. He just blanked me though the dc were there. It's so upsetting and a shit example to set them, I don't get why he does it.
I'd like to limit the time they spend with him, but I know I can't. Yet sometimes I think it's not in their best interests to spend so much time there and I'm just doing it because it helps me out. I have a couple of parents' evenings or late meetings per half-term, so if he didn't have them every week I'd have to ask him for favours regularly as I have no one else to ask, and I doubt he'd even do it in those circumstances s then I'd be fucked.
But I feel their needs aren't being met as it and I hate the thought of ds2 sitting at that bloody computer hour after hour. Why is he so shit and what can I about it? How bad is so bad you feel you have to do something?
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AIBU?
To think ex is not fit to have the dc so much?
12 replies
theduchessstill · 19/10/2018 22:00
OP posts:
BatFacedOK ·
20/10/2018 07:32
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