Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

Remembering a miscarriage

18 replies

NotUmbongoUnchained · 19/10/2018 20:11

Currently having a miscarriage.
The baby was a complete surprise but we are both absolutely devastated. I’ve had losses before but for some reason this one feels really awful. We were really excited about it. DH would like to remember it properly, give it a name etc but I’m unsure if this is a weird thing to do or not? I think it would be nice, to remember it.

Does anyone have any ideas of something nice to do? Or is this just totally OTT and weird? Nobody else will know, just something for the two of us to do.

OP posts:

Bombardier25966 · 19/10/2018 20:13

I don't think it's weird at all. Grief and loss is not just about the past, it's all the milestones that we'll never get to experience. That's just as valid as loss at any other time.

LoudestRoar · 19/10/2018 20:13

I planted something in my garden for mine. I'm so sorry for your loss.

Original poster

NotUmbongoUnchained · 19/10/2018 20:17

We don’t want to plant anything as we don’t plan on staying in the country. Maybe a tattoo?

OP posts:

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 19/10/2018 20:19

OF course you can do whatever you wish as
A couple to remember your loss. I would though think twice before a tattoo it could evoke a lot of sadness

Jezzifishie · 19/10/2018 20:21

I'm so sorry - maybe something on this site could help you? babyloss-awareness.org/ There are charities/groups that can support x

Happygolucky009 · 19/10/2018 20:26

I am sorry for your loss. With my first miscarriage the baby has a name and will always be missed greatly. We planted a forest via the Scottish national forest in memory.

Brummiegirl15 · 19/10/2018 20:29

I've had 3 losses.

Do whatever makes you both feel better. Be kind to yourselves.

I'm so sorry for your losses

Annechristmas · 19/10/2018 22:21

I'm so sorry for your loss. When I had a miscarriage I bought a little silver trinket box and had it engraved with the date and put a copy of this poem in it

Just Those Few Weeks
By Susan Erling

Camelsinthegobi · 19/10/2018 22:53

Our lost baby has a name. Sayinggoodbye.org run a series of services in cathedrals all over tge country to remember baby and infant loss. I like to light a candle in churches for him from time to time.

lunar1 · 19/10/2018 23:08

My pandora bracelet has a charm for each of my 3 miscarriages. So sorry for your loss

Hillarious · 19/10/2018 23:14

I've had one loss. OP - you do what's right for you. The hospital staff were very matter of fact about my miscarriage. They said that these things happen, that they weren't worried and I shouldn't be worried either. A year after the miscarriage I was doing a tour of the labour ward for DD's impending birth. I'm happy focusing on DD, rather than the miscarriage. But that's me. Just do what feels right for you, OP. Don't feel pressured by others. And it's okay to do nothing.

JamieDornansBiatch · 19/10/2018 23:23

So sorry for your loss⚘Its such an awful time. I lost our first baby at 6 weeks, went on to have ds1 a year later, then had mc at 10 weeks, had ds2 a year later & then dd
2 years later. I have never forgotten my lost babies but am so grateful for the ones I went on to have. When I hit the grand old age of 41 I got a tattoo that symbolised (for me) the 3 children I have & the 2 I never got to meet. Tattoo is not on display but I know it's there & means so much to me

LittleBirdBlues · 19/10/2018 23:26

I planted an apple tree for a baby that was never born. I occasionally go to visit it and it is still growing strong!

catpooproblems · 19/10/2018 23:39

Aw no do what makes you feel better

I lost a baby at 9 weeks, how far on were you?

Hope you are ok x

agnurse · 20/10/2018 00:10

A tattoo, maybe a birth record or a special craft project.

Just today I was reading a request to donate teddy bears to our local pregnancy and infant loss program. They give each mum a special teddy bear when she goes home from the hospital in remembrance of a baby that she wasn't able to take home.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Uggywuggy · 20/10/2018 01:39

I lost my baby this week too. 3 months along. I don’t think I can give a name or do anything. Maybe I’ll feel ok to do something down the track but not right now. Do what feels right for you.

I’m so, so sorry you’re going through this too xxx

flumpybear · 20/10/2018 02:06

We let a balloon fly off in the wind the due date of our losses

Mymunchers · 23/10/2018 13:06

I went for my 12 weeks saying scan last week, to see an empty sac :( I have to wait a week before being re scanned to confirm if I’m having a missed miscarriage. It’s now been 7 days since my scan and still no signs of a miscarriage. I’d be 13 weeks pregnant now. Does anyone know how long I could wait if I let nature take its cause? Every now and again I get a little glimmer of hope that maybe it’s a mistake and obviously there is a story on the internet where a 12 week scan has missed a baby.

Flip