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AIBU?

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Original poster

Or is his ex-wife a CF??

13 replies

Ilovemuesli · 19/10/2018 17:52

So my partner has just told me about this text message from his ex-wife, the day after our baby daughter was born.

Back story:
I had my little girl via csection back in May, on a Friday night. Got sent home the next day ( Saturday evening).

DP's ex wife sends message to tell him he has been neglecting his daughter (1 child from previous marriage)and she wants to come round on the Sunday, along with his 2x stepchildren from that marriage.

Lets just say I wasn't best pleased. Our daughter wasn't even a day old when the ex-wife sent that message. She had obviously forgotten in the run up to our baby's birth, we had hosted all the children the weekend before the Friday, and had them over for tea on the Thursday - the day before my daughter was born.
But apparently that is neglectful.

Just to put things straight - I was never ever against the children coming to see the new baby. I just would have liked a little bit of time to settle back at home with the baby before all the children came over! I would also never have sent that text message either to a couple who just had a baby.

I know I'm being silly, getting annoyed at something that happened months ago, but I only found out today and it is not the only irksome thing she has done to cause problems....

OP posts:
purplelila2 · 19/10/2018 17:55

If this was in May why is it an issue in October?

WorraLiberty · 19/10/2018 17:57

I just would have liked a little bit of time to settle back at home with the baby before all the children came over!

Are you saying your DH agreed and the kids came over?

SinisterBumFacedCat · 19/10/2018 17:59

She sounds like an attention seeker who wanted to hijack the moment

CantWaitToRetire · 19/10/2018 18:04

Your DH should have responded that you’d had them twice in the last seven days, so not neglecting them, and it’s not possible for them to come on Sunday. Yes she is a CF but If DH allowed her to dictate to him then he needs to step up and grow a pair.

Original poster
Ilovemuesli · 19/10/2018 18:05

@purplelila, it's just one thing I found out about today and it has just capped off months of annoying behaviour by his ex-wife. Yes am silly for being bothered about it 5 months later, blame it on me being sleep deprived with a snuffly baby!

@worraliberty - yes he did!i spent most of the time upstairs with the bayb as couldn't get around very well. Basically if he doesn't do as exwife says, he doesn't get to see his two stepsons, who he has brought up from birth but has no biological link to... arrrrrrggggghhhhh !!!

OP posts:
Bestseller · 19/10/2018 18:15

Hmm, it's it sounds like there are "issues" with ex, but I don't think it's good for his DD1 to be excluded just as she would have already been feeling insecure because of the birth of a new baby

Original poster
Ilovemuesli · 19/10/2018 18:39

@Bestseller, there are sooooo many issues with his ex its untrue. If you think her actions are the result of a scorned woman you'd be wrong: the two stepsons (twins) were born as a result of one of many extra-marital affairs she embarked on that eventually ended their marriage. My DP is very soft-hearted and it kills him that he does not see his children every day.
Also I would never dream of excluding the children from seeing/meeting the baby, I just would have liked the first real day at home to get used to the new dynamic.....

OP posts:
Cherries101 · 19/10/2018 18:43

You having a new baby doesn’t mean your dh can’t spend time with his kids. He could have taken them out before and after the birth. It’s your first child (I presume) but not his; it’s not right for him to keep his kids away just because he has a new one. If they lived at yours you’d have no choice but to see them from immediately after the birth!

Hellolittlesunshinexxx · 19/10/2018 18:44

My DH had a similar message after i had DD. You sound in a similar position to me. She'll likely not stop but he needs to just respond to essential things e.g. child's welfare, contact arrangements. It will affect you less, emotionally, as time goes on but that doesn't mean it's anymore acceptable. I've had to work really hard on lowering my anxiety when I hear the phone go because of some of the crap we've had. But at this time... she can try her best!

LeftRightCentre · 19/10/2018 18:47

Your partner is the one you should have an issue with.

LucyLizardLostHerWizard · 19/10/2018 18:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

user1471426142 · 19/10/2018 19:31

I don’t think you’re unreasonable to have wanted a little bit more time post section to recover before hosting 3 kids. Obviously DH will have wanted to introduce them to the new baby but you were out of hospital pretty quick. I don’t know anyone that had a section that was out the next day.

Bestseller · 19/10/2018 19:54

I get that OP, but the DD also needs to get used to the new dynamic (and is part of it) and when you're a parent the wellbeing of existing DC comes before your own. If DH's DD was also yours you wouldn't have dreamed of keeping her away. When DS2 was born my only concern was how that was affecting DS1

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