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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to think my twins shouldn’t have been kicked out of nursery?

33 replies

Twinningmum · 19/10/2018 16:29

I feel a bit crap. I have twin boys who have just turned 2, they have significant speech delay and had a hard time when they were born in SCBU.

One of my boys is also physically delayed, he’s still at the cruising stage. Well on the advice of other people I wanted to put them in nursery for a couple hours on Fridays so they could socialise with older kids and maybe that would help with their speech. The nursery agreed that this was a good idea and that they help kids with speech issues all the time.

I told the nursery manager/owner of my twins delays, she said that was fine, that they should be able to be able to handle it.

Today was the first day and I thought it couldn’t be that bad, it would only be from 12:30-3:30. I told her to call me if she couldn’t handle it, that I would come to pick them up early.

When I went to pick them up, she said they were too much work. She said they were so delayed and gave them an age range of 8-20 months. We had moved so things were not on the ball with the health visitor. I told her I tried to get an earlier health visitor appointment, but I wasn’t given one so they haven’t had their 2 year assessment. We paid for a private speech therapist. Our gp agreed they should see a paed, but the receptionists at the paed office said we would need to wait for approval(don’t even understand this because we had a gp referral??) and then we were told it was an 18 week wait after we were approved which took another 3 weeks. The whole thing makes me feel like shit. I honestly wouldn’t have even signed them up for nursery if I wasn’t just trying to help their speech.

Still, I had a feeling that this would happen. I don’t know why the nursery manager said she would take them after I explained their issues to her multiple times. Anyways, now they’ve been kicked out, I don’t think any of this has been fair at all and it has made me feel horrible.

OP posts:

Lazypuppy · 19/10/2018 16:32

They weren't 'kicked out' - the nursery manager has honestly said that with their delays the staff there can't help. Try another nursery, they were only there 3 hours.

I don't understand the 2nd part of your post or what that has to do with the nursery?

Dreamingofkfc · 19/10/2018 16:37

Did they not have settling in sessions?

WorraLiberty · 19/10/2018 16:37

As Lazypuppy says they weren't 'kicked out'.

Can you try another nursery and ask if they'll let you stay with them for a while until they settle in?

RememberWhenRibenaTastedNice · 19/10/2018 16:39

It's easy to understand. The nursery have said they can't cope and it's made the OP feel like shit, notwithstanding the fact that it has highlighted their delays and now wait for them to be seen by a professional is even more frustratingly far away.

OP could you take them to a nursery who takes kids under 2 so can have your kid?

I assume the nursery you took them too only takes kids from the age of 2.

Original poster

Twinningmum · 19/10/2018 16:49

Yes RememberWhenRibena is right.

They are a nursery who take 2+, it was a mistake on my part. I did take them in for a settling in visit beforehand to help settle them but the nursery manager wasn’t there. I did explain how they were though, and I guess being told that my twins are at 8 - 20 months along with not to bring them back just adds insult to injury. I know they’re delayed and everyone at the nursery told me they would be fine, that they could handle it etc. It’s ok ultimately I think I’m just shocked because it had been me discussing this with them since September, and I chose Friday because the nursery manager said it would be an easier day for the nursery to take them. I only just took them in today. I didn’t think it would be this hard, luckily we work from home, but I don’t know what we’d do otherwise.

OP posts:

Pamplem00se · 19/10/2018 16:54

This is completely not acceptable. I am a senior nursery teacher who works in a state maintained nursery with 2-4s. They are not allowed to do this, it breaches a whole host of SEN and equalities legislation. Please send me a private message. We have a number of children aged 3-4 who are functioning within the 8-20 month bracket across various areas of learning. We put appropriate support in place. In any case a single session is far too brief for any summative assessment of where they're at.
PVIs (e.g. private and voluntary nurseries) are obliged to do this too, although the reaction of the nursery manager probably suggests this is not the place for them.

LittleOwl153 · 19/10/2018 16:55

I know how this crap feels op. My dd was in a similar position - she's now 9yrs old.

We're nursery right to "kick them out" no they weren't But be thankful they have admitted they can't handle the boys before they took huge deposits /fees /contracts from you.

My dd went to nursery from 9 months, but she got stuck in the baby room until she was over 2 - they usually moved them on at around 18months but I kept being told it was because they didn't have a peer group her her. She didn't walk until she was 23months - only crushed for about a month before that, she's hypermobile. She went very quickly once she did get it.

I moved her at 2yrs to a preschool which she had to be 2 to attend. At this time she didn't speak. Within a few weeks of starting she was talking. So I do think the recommendation of some kind of provision is a good one.

Keep looking for the right provision for them. It sounds as though you do not have them in any kind of childcare at the moment so take your time. Maybe a good well staffed preschool would be good - one attached to a primary if there is one in your area maybe. ) I hope that you say they are just 2 meaning sept/Oct birthdays. If they are summer born then I would definately delay school start. I wish I had with my Aug born dd.)

HarveySchlumpfenburger · 19/10/2018 16:58

Lucky escape. Find another nursery where the staff are competent enough to delay with children with delays.

There are plenty of nurseries where this won’t be an issue.

Cherries101 · 19/10/2018 16:58

They need to be in a nursery for under 2s as they both have delays.

Somertime · 19/10/2018 17:00

8 - 20 months is a pretty big range they are suggesting. It sounds a bit vague. Having 2yo with speech delays is clearly not what they specialise in and not the right place for you little ones to be looked after.
Don't feel bad; neither you or your children did anything wrong. Another nursery may be just right.

Toastedstrudel · 19/10/2018 17:03

As mentioned above, they cannot do this simply because your boys are ‘too much work’. I have taught children 5 years old who were working within the 8-20 month age band. Either way they should not have made you feel like shit and I’d be looking elsewhere as they obviously aren’t bothered trying to support your boys.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 19/10/2018 17:06

Sounds like disability discrimination to me.

PickAChew · 19/10/2018 17:06

Your kids needed more care and supervision than the nursery were able to safely provide. As you're already finding out, you can't just rock up and get an assessment and you potentially have years of justifying every request ahead of you.

File this event under "evidence" because you're likely to need it.

MsJolly · 19/10/2018 17:06

@Cherries that's bollocks. They don't need to be with younger children, they need adequate provision and support to allow them to access the things their peer group will. I agree this is the wrong nursery for them, but not because they don't have under 2's but because they lack understanding of SEND.
Find a better nursery OP-they are out there.

TheVanguardSix · 19/10/2018 17:06

Op find another nursery. My youngest is now 4 but when he had significant delays he started nursery where there was an awesome SENCO. She was very young, just starting out and still training but she was so keen and really got her boots muddy working with DS, while still able to totally be hands on with the kiddies in her charge. She was something else, a wonderful woman and we really lucked out with her as DS's key worker.
It's a slow process with paediatrics but in a way, that can be a good thing. It gave me time to sort of process DS's delays and needs. And actually, the people who helped him grow were the nursery team. At age three, he attended state nursery (again, we really lucked out) and stuck with the private one two afternoons a week after his 9am-midday session at state. It's all about making sure there's a good SENCO who can be your kids' key worker.

4point2fleet · 19/10/2018 17:08

Maybe your SaLT could recommend an 'opportunity group' type nursery that could support their speech development properly?

Or get hold of your local Portage team and see which nurseries they recommend?

Notthisnotthat · 19/10/2018 17:08

That is shocking, my daughter has development delays (gross motor and speech) she is at a partner provider nursery (we are in Scotland) but she is in a group with children her age and the staff are fantastic at helping her.

I hope you find a better provision for you me children.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 19/10/2018 17:09

What are they doing in the profession
if they can only handle "perfect" kids.

Cornettoninja · 19/10/2018 17:12

Regarding your paediatric referral, I suspect what the receptionist meant is that referrals are ‘approved’ by a doctor/member of the team to allocate them the correct priority and assign them a doctor (one may particularly specialise). It also weeds out anything inappropriate or without enough information. It’s admin basically. It shouldn’t really affect your wait since the date on the referral should be what they’ll go by but if waits are long it can feel like it affects it.

Pamplem00se · 19/10/2018 17:13

@Cherries101 they do not need to be in a nursery for under 2s. They should be being educated with their age related cohort and appropriate provision.

Soubriquet · 19/10/2018 17:15

You need to find a nursery that takes babies and not just 2+ children.

That way they get the interaction they need whilst still receiving the vital care

user838383 · 19/10/2018 17:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DangerousBeanz · 19/10/2018 17:18

I agree with Pamplem00se, they are breaking the law in doing this, they have a legal obligation to make reasonable adjustments for Send children under the disability act.
I'd be ringing the LEA and Ofsted if I were you.
But I'd also be finding a lovely childminder/ nursery who are willing to work with you to meet their needs. I wouldn't go back there.

Dhapeer · 19/10/2018 17:23

Wow. That would absolutely gut me. And I mean rip my insides out. How crass and inconsiderate of them. Are they even qualified to give a diagnosis? How horrible.
OP. Don't bring them back there ever! Continue on the path you're on and don't be worrying. You're accessing help from them and that is simply not the right place unfortunately.

Shapecutter · 19/10/2018 17:24

Ask for a copy of their aln policy and a meeting with the alnco to make a complaint. If you have a local family information service ask them or the health visitor for recommendations of settings used to dealing with additional needs.

I've been there op and totally understand how you're feeling. You will find the right setting for your dc and it will help them so much.

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