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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to want to stay in the city?

5 replies

lookingouttosea · 19/10/2018 15:50

Before we had kids I moved to a new city because of his work. At the time this meant changing my career path somewhat and limiting my opportunities to some extent. It took me quite a long time to settle in but now I like it here & have a few friends. I started a Doctorate which I'm nearly finished but we now have a 3 year old and a new baby due early next year. I've worked really hard at this, particularly doing most of it without childcare and being at home almost full-time. I am determined that I want to make something of my qualifications once i have them, although I know this won't be easy with 2 kids to consider. Our issue is the fact that we are renting in the city and the situation for renters is quite precarious. We were approved for a mortgage but only for an amount which could afford us a house very far out of the city in a rural location. We could do this, and we would then be close to my husbands family, own our own home and be more settled for the children. However I would be even further from my family, friends, college and job potential. I also don't particularly like the countryside, having grown up in the city. Certain people have hinted that I'm being a bit unreasonable, wanting to "have my cake and eat it" living in the city when we can't afford it and sacrificing my family's security in the short term. They say rural living is ideal for kids. From my side, I don't want to rush into relocating when I've worked hard at settling in here and I also want to keep my job options as open as possible for when I finish my studies. However with a new baby due I won't be able to even start looking for a job until mid-next year and even then i'll have to think about childcare costs and so forth. I feel pushed to living in a location I don't particularly like...but people say I'm mad...Husband says he will do whatever makes me happy (bless him) AIBU? Thanks!

OP posts:
UpstartCrow · 19/10/2018 15:57

Country life just doesn't suit everyone. As for rural living being ideal for kids, thats true if you are prepared to act as a taxi until they are old enough for you to pay for driving lessons and their own transport.

Sirzy · 19/10/2018 16:00

Is there not a mid ground? Surely it doesn’t need to be city or country? What about a town somewhere between the two, ideally with decent transport links to the city of that would help with work?

Finfintytint · 19/10/2018 16:04

I'd stay put for a bit, get yourself established in a career and if all goes well you'll have better earning potential that will allow you greater choices about location.

lookingouttosea · 19/10/2018 16:12

Sirzy thanks for the reply. It sort of is due to the amount of mortgage we were approved for doesn't really allow for much. However when I say "rural" the village in question is only a 45min drive when there's no traffic so wouldn't be what some would consider far from the city. Many people do commute and are fine with it. However its a very different lifestyle and culture...and I don't like driving. I sound so spoiled though I know!

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 19/10/2018 16:28

I think you should set this decision to the side for now. Finish your studies, have your baby, and then see how you feel in a couple of years.

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