DH refusing to make plans ....

[justanotherunhappysoul]

We had planned a big holiday, DH, me and DSS in the next couple of months (bucket list stuff) DSS 11, has pulled out due to his DM causing undue stress/upset. I've continued to make plans as DH and I have had a really tough year (IVF etc) and not taken leave all year and badly need a break. However now DH is refusing to discuss anything, wants me to 'just book anything' 'I'm not bothered' 'it won't be a break so I don't care' where before he was 200% invested and wanted it to be the trip of a lifetime when DSS was involved. It's a 10k holiday, paid by me, work bonus - should I just say - fine then I'm off to the Maldives alone - leaving both the boys to sulk or should I try to involve DH and persist with our planned trip !

I'm thinking your husband is very upset about his son not going? Is there any way to reason with the mother? What happened to make him pull out?

I think it sad that an 11 year old has decided he can’t go on such a wonderful holiday because a grown adult is causing such upset. I think I’d want to get to the bottom of that first.

Presumably you can’t get round DSS mum?

If so I’d ask a friend to come along or go alone, if dh is going to be upset and grumpy during the holiday he may as well stay at home.

Can you take it to court get permission to take DSS on holiday?

We've tried. Can't unpeel the onion so to speak. His DM has a very strong grip on him and when she won't let go .... he won't disobey her. I get extended holiday in winter only ... so it's only chance to take break until next year. I'm broken and need DH to support me for a change.

I wouldn't take a child under duress away, they'd just be upset the whole time - no fair on anyone. Court order or not.

book somewhere cheaper, go for an adults only place and just chill, DH will come round when he gets away and relaxes. you need a break.

Parental alienation is an offence now, that is what she is doing imo.

Is the holiday actually booked?

Why doesn’t she want her dss to go. What’s her reasons against it?

Cancel it OP. Arrange something closer to home or several days out with DSS that you all will enjoy and some just you and your DH.

You have had a shitty year but so has your DH - and his ex being a cunt and losing quality time with his son is probably the cherry on top for him.

The bucket list stuff can wait until he's old enough to make a bigger break from his Mum.

Your husband is understandably upset. Give him time to get over it, then talk about a downscaled couple holiday. Tell him you're disappointed too but can do the holiday of a lifetime thing when your stepson is ready for it.

I'm sick of being dictated to by her and DSS. At the min, he picks as chooses when be come (because he is going through a phase) So if we cancel and go local then she gets her way, she never wanted us to go away. And has stressed if we go, we are abandoning her and DSS. She is being difficult as she can be away from DSS, so he is being guilt tripped into not wanting to come. I appreciate that DH is upset. But I still want a break, nor do I think it should be me trying to do all the planning or find a new location while DH mopes about it.

Don't go to the Maldives with a miserable man, it will completely ruin it for you.

Have you paid? Better to go on your own or with someone else.

Your DH is disappointed but he's taking it out on you and is being a childish twat.

Not much to do on most Maldivian islands for kids anyway.