To think this question is odd?

[clownstotheleft]

Informing family about our pregnancy, two of DHs family (separately) asked how long we were ttc. Bearing in mind we were trying for nearly 3 yrs and suffered one MC I may be over thinking - we have kept ttc/mc to ourselves as one of DH family is notorious for telling everyone in their circle all family business, plus we didn't want sympathy/every conversation to centre around ttc. But no one else asked anything like this and more importantly what does it matter and who needs to know?!

Also I have found being pregnant means everyone's ideas (prams, breastfeeding, child rearing in general) MUST be taken on board and I have had to literally shut people down when they are trying to press their ideas on to me. I know this is normal, but AIBU to expect family and friends to give us space, respect boundaries and keep their (well meaning) advice to themselves unless we ask?

I'm going to take lack of reply as a definite IADNBU

thanks everyone

They're probably just interested. Accept their opinions on stuff to buy, thank them, then go off and buy whatever you want. As for the ttc question, it may be interest or are they in a similar situation perhaps?

It is an odd question. I wonder if it's because so many articles & interviews in the media have people being very open and candid about TTC struggles, so maybe they think that it's a valid topic for general discussion?

It's clearly NOT, unless the person in question has clearly sign-posted the fact that they're happy to chat about all aspects of it.

Fertility challenges can be so charged with deep emotional / identity significance and implications for those experiencing them, and I'm not sure the your average Joe / Jo Public at large recognises that. A lot of people don't see assisted conception as any different to somebody, say, having a temporary joint problem that needed physio to correct. i.e., with no historical stigma or sensitivities surrounding it.

You're defo not BU.

Most importantly, sorry for your loss, and also, huge congratulations on your pregnancy. 

Take this as a prompt to get a hard shell. People will ask all sorts of probing questions and give you all sorts of unsolicited and sometimes crazy advice during pregnancy and even after. Just get used to smiling and nodding while mentally poking them with a hot stick. And when you get asked questions you don't want to answer just laugh and say ha you can't go asking people that and change the subject.

AIBU to expect family and friends to give us space, respect boundaries and keep their (well meaning) advice to themselves unless we ask?

I don't think you're unreasonable to want this, however, you will need to spell out your boundaries because otherwise how will people know where they are? Some people love to share their pregnancy with others, other people are more private.

Its not that odd ... u get a standard set of questions when you announce

When are u due?
Were you trying long?
Do u know what ur having?
Will u find out?
Are the kids excited?
Have u told anyone else?

I got all these from friends, family colleagues etc!!!

Whether you like it or not, a new member of the family is exciting and interesting to the family. But if you regularly shut them down and impose strict boundaries and insist they never mention it unless invited to do so, I’m sure they will back off......

Your second flouncey message and first, quite het up message is making you sound quite highly strung

People are just interested. Sounds like you need to relax

Maybe they are trying to conceive, maybe they know someone who is, maybe they are just curious. It's nosey but you don't need to give an accurate answer if you don't wish to. I'm sure there is no maliciousness behind it.

I don't think you are BU. Personally, I think that's far too personal a question to ask. I would respond with a ' none of your business'. Everything else is normal, and you just learn to bid and smile and do your own thing.

sometimes I think people ask questions like that just so they've got something to say/continue the conversation, they probably aren't that interested in the answer because the only ones it affects are you and your dh.
congratulations on your pregnancy, you'll soon get used to hearing everyone opinions, advice and labour stories, just smile, nor, take any useful information, ignore any nonsense x

This phenomenon seems to exist almost exclusively on Mumsnet. In the real world I have never come across anyone this invested in someone else's pregnancy, conceiving and so forth.

Just let it wash over you.

It's a bit odd but I couldn't be that bothered about.
If you don't feel comfortable answering just say 'oh, a wee while' or something noncommittal and move on.

Thanks for making realise I'm completely off the grid on thinking it's a bit of an odd one.

For those that have asked, these people are both 55+ (male and female), and deffo not ttc (just nosy).

I am deeply private (due to childhood issues) and over the eight years I have known these people they do know me well enough to realise my boundaries, but maybe because they are DHs family they thought he might be less so? I don't know? In my family they would never dream of asking something so personal. If it comes up when I see them (which will be xmas now) I will try and think of some good non committal answers to fall back on. I don't want to offend anyone - but also I do think some things I personally like to keep to myself (and DH agrees with me). I may be the exact opposite of babyzilla and get quite bored of people trying to talk all the time about it (and tell them so) 😂.

To posters trying to paint me as an hysterical woman, please do feel free to jog on...

That was supposed to read 'not completely off the grid'! 😅