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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think this is embarrasing...

61 replies

Marliyaloo · 19/10/2018 09:17

Me and DP have a 5 month old DD, his bestfriend and his GF have a 4 month old DD. I'm fairly good friends with his GF, lets call her Sarah and DPs bestfriend Sam.

Sam was due to come and see DP straight after work for a brew about 5 but didnt turn up. Sarah text at 6 saying is it ok for them all to come at 7 for a takeaway and to watch a film. We said yes and they came.

We decided to order chinese and Sam ordered honey roast pork. The restaurant didnt do it, so made up a random concoction of pork and ginger noodles. Sam wasnt happy and made a massive fuss saying hes not just eating plain rice, that its ruined his night, he'll have to eat when he goes home blah blah blah... so Sarah rang the chinese and asked them to deliver a curry sauce. His moaning and complaining went on and on and they started arguing with each other about who was paying, who was going to give their DD a bottle, why hadnt Sarah been shopping that day, well Sam was a "selfish bastard" meanwhile me and DP sat looking over at each other trying not to laugh as it was just so awkward. Who comes to someones house and starts having a domestic over some pork?!

Anyway curry sauce arrives so they have that with some chicken and rice. They stayed for about half an hour after that, still being awkward making little comments then sam stood up and said theyd have to go because he was still hungry and his night and had been ruined...

Safe to say I dont think we will be agreeing to a chinese night again wtf!

OP posts:
drinkygin · 19/10/2018 09:57

You say you’re quite good friends with sarah but have started a thread on Mumsnet to bitch about her and her partner over a relatively minor thing. You don’t sound like a very good friend. I wouldn’t make a huge deal over a one-off thing like this!

reallyreallynow · 19/10/2018 09:58

@Marliyaloo I'm just looking at it as they are your friends and something might be going on. As a friend I'd reach out, you're saying "we're busy when they next invite us". I wouldn't have been on mumsnet the next morning saying how embarrassing they were, I would be texting or ringing my friend saying let's meet for coffee?

I also hope Sarah is not on mumsnet or she's going to be even more embarrassed!

Prettysureitsnotok · 19/10/2018 09:58

I basically don't consider anyone a close friend until I've seen them have a menial argument with their partner Grin

They're knackered and you're good mates, it's nothing, shame the evening didn't go to plan but it's only one night out of your entire life. Not worth punishing them over, I wouldn't see/treat them any differently.

reallyreallynow · 19/10/2018 09:59

@drinkygin! Exactly!

Notacluewhatthisis · 19/10/2018 10:01

But the thing is you can always tell when your friends are pissed. Which Is more awkward. When people either leave or sit there pretending to be nice.

Suppose it depends though. I exepct my friends to be who they are when at mine. I don't expect them to pretend to be anything else. If best friend and her dh fell out at mine, I wouldn't be arsed.

Eliza9917 · 19/10/2018 10:04

I'd have just divvied the other dishes up between everyone so everyone got a meal. Why didn't you all just do that? Confused

CloudPop · 19/10/2018 10:08

Not sure 7pm meet for takeaway and movie on a work night are entirely compatible with young babies !

AnneLovesGilbert · 19/10/2018 10:11

You don't sound smug or judgemental. The people who are saying you do presumably think inviting yourself to someone's house, kicking off about the food like a toddler and then having a barn is acceptable behaviour.

I don't blame you for taking a bit of a breather from them.

reallyreallynow · 19/10/2018 10:15

@AnneLovesGilbert but is it ok to come on here judging them? And saying they've asked to go out next week but we're conveniently busy that day, with of course the added ! Now that's judgy!

Not a good thing to do acting like that, but maybe they could do with a friend to talk to about it?

Personally I'd rather speak to a friend and say let me help or listen and not be giving them a breather.

reallyreallynow · 19/10/2018 10:15

*The added smiling face! 

Original poster
Marliyaloo · 19/10/2018 10:17

The added grin was lighthearted I was joking. Ive reported the thread to delete it as not to offend anyone else.

OP posts:
Moreisnnogedag · 19/10/2018 10:17

I don’t know - whilst I would be inwardingly cringing (I hate disagreements between couples in public) I’d be mostly sad for them. I’d probably offer to meet Sarah separately to check she’s ok, and whether she’s getting on okay. Just because you have similarly aged babies doesn’t mean that they are experiencing parenthood the same way. Things might be getting a bit much for them and I’m not sure socially isolating them would be the kindest thing to do.

reallyreallynow · 19/10/2018 10:19

@Marliyaloo oh it was a lighthearted smiley face! Oh course!

Not offending me, but I worry for your "friend" if she sees it!

Of course mumsnet may not delete it!

UpstartCrow · 19/10/2018 10:20

I think you only got half the argument, we used to know a couple like this and what would actually happen is;

Sam says he's going to meet Marliyaloo's other half for a cup of tea after work.
Sarah is upset and says 'we never do anything together'
Sam eventually agrees they should do this together.
Sam acts like a dick and manufactures a row.

DasPepe · 19/10/2018 10:20

It sounds like their adjustment to a new baby is heading towards a The “what do you do all day” point. :/ I feel sorry for Sarah.

Perhaps it was her idea to come and also eat so that she didn’t have to face a “what’s for dinner” discussion /argument before a weekend.

If I was a good friend I would see how she is coping and back her up or explain to Sam that looking after the baby is actually hard and he shouldn’t leave Sarah to do everything just because she is at home

DevonshireCreamTea · 19/10/2018 10:24

You sound delightful OP slagging your mates off online.

indieshuffle · 19/10/2018 10:48

Sam sounds like a bastard. Perhaps having the baby has crystallised Sarah's perspective and she wants out and some moral support.

EK36 · 19/10/2018 10:49

Perhaps next time they suggest another meal or takeaway just say no thanks maybe next time. It's strange that the girlfriend hasn't texted you to apologise for her tantrum throwing boyfriend!

NonaGrey · 19/10/2018 10:51

@AnneLovesGilbert but is it ok to come on here judging them? And saying they've asked to go out next week but we're conveniently busy that day, with of course the added !

Really you seem strangely over invested in this...

And MN is chock full of threads of people judging their friends and family.

The OP isn’t unreasonable to be annoyed about their bad behaviour, she’s just having a little vent.

I agree with a PP, sleep deprivation and new baby stress isn’t a good excuse for being an arse.

Having a tantrum over your takeaway is absolutely arse behaviour.

I don’t think you sound in the least smug OP I think you sound justifiably peeved that your friends invited themselves round and then behaved badly.

As you are old friends I’m sure it will blow over soon enough, but no I wouldn’t see them next week either.

Ignoramusgiganticus · 19/10/2018 10:53

Next time you accept an invite "Yes as long as you don't start arguing in front of us again" tinkly laugh.
And if they do "cut it out guys. You ruined that other night too" and don't be afraid to leave or throw them out if they don't stop.

reallyreallynow · 19/10/2018 10:58

@NonaGrey not particularly over invested just think that OP sounds judgy and that the friend might very well see post! Others feel the same and just because MN is full of posts like OPs we all have our ones that make us think the OP is out of line and we voice it!

Also OP is not asking for this to be taken down to not upset anyone on here, that's not really the reason is it now?

CookPassBabtridge · 19/10/2018 11:03

We used to know a couple like that, they would bicker over everything. They lasted 13 years but god knows why, who wants to live their lives constantly arguing!

NonaGrey · 19/10/2018 11:09

Oh come on Really! We are all judgy about our friends, our families, our colleagues and about people you pass in the street.

It’s how society functions.

I agree with you that every so often there are threads that cross a line but I honestly can’t see why you think this is one of them.

Dontalkoverme · 19/10/2018 11:10

It's strange that the girlfriend hasn't texted you to apologise for her tantrum throwing boyfriend!

Why should the girlfriend apologise for her boyfriend? You realise this is the reason men-children get away with their behaviour. They never have to accept responsibility for their actions because a woman will do it for them.

reallyreallynow · 19/10/2018 11:14

@NonaGrey honestly, I think it was the smiley face after the we're going to be conveniently busy. I thought that came across extremely unkind and judgy. Also their is a good chance that with a young baby the friend in question could be on here. The post is so specific, not just a "friends came over and fell out about something trivial". She will know it's about her.

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