To not send more photos?

[FiestyFiveFootTwo]

Bit of a long story so as not drip feed.

I had my DD 2 weeks ago, before that my DM didnt contacted me except for a once a month call mostly to vent about her problems.

Our relationship isnt good and although I've been told to go NC I haven't because I want to make it work.

I asked her not to come to the birth because of our relationship and it stress me out, I said we would visit, (family is 2.5 hrs away) after with DD which we did when she was 1 week old.

The day I gave birth, literally the minute or two after DD came out, DH took a picture of DD on my chest and we sent her it so DM would feel included. She posted it on her closed Facebook group after we asked her not to post anything.

I ask her to take it down she does. I get out of hospital, DH takes photos of DD and we post them on his page. Without asking she shares them on the group with a caption asking why am I being so cruel not letting her visit.

I admit I snap and call her and politely tell her to remove them and explain nicely why she cant visit. She asks for pictures, I send them and she sends them without asking to other family members i have NC with and friends of hers i dont know.

I want her to have photos but she uses them as a bragging point, she already does it with my niece (shes 12)posts them on Facebook without her or my sister permission.

Long story short bad relationship with DM who doesnt understand boundaries or asking permission. She's asked for more photos aibu to not send her more till she understands boundaries and permission.

Do you think she might just be really happy and want to share it with her friends and family as a proud grandma???

Of course you're not being unreasonable. Take control and cut her out of your life. She doesn't deserve a place in it.

A lot of grandparents are very happy, but it doesn't mean they can blatantly overrride people's wishes.

OP : I think you would be better off accepting that it is not going to work, and it is only causing you more stress to flog the dead horse, so to speak. It would be easier to make the break now, as well. Rather than wait until your daughter is older.

I think she is proud and I'm happy but I would like it if she asked in the first place. The first picture of DD on my chest after I gave birth before being cleaned up was very personal. The other pictures were my DH to show if she wanted I would have sent her other ones of her own.

As you stated, the first picture taken was very personal. Surely just to be shared with you and DH.

Take some photos of DD the old fashioned way. Get them printed up and send them to DM to put in an album.

Yes, she can still take a photo of the photo and upload to social media, but would she be bothered going to all that trouble?

That way, you have kept in contact, sent photos without having to actually talk to DM when she obviously stresses you out too much.

Congratulations on the birth of your new DD

I do like the idea of sending her physical copies of photos but alas she would still go to the trouble of taking a photo of the photos to upload.

Thank you for the congratulations.

i really want to share the joy of my child with her but i just can't trust her to not share them on the group. Its at a point that I'm hiding pictures from her on my own page.

Would it be a good idea to try talking with her again about not sending pictures to random people? If she, physical showed family and friends that would be fine but i don't want some random person half way cross the world with a picture of my DD.

I don't think talking to her is going to achieve much, to be honest. She's already repeatedly shared photos you didn't want shared despite you asking her several times not to do it. I know you think that if you can only find the right form of words she'll understand that it's hurtful and stop it but I don't think she cares how you feel. I think if you want an ongoing relationship with her you're going to have to accept that she doesn't really respect other people's boundaries all that much so you have to be tougher in enforcing them. If she shares photos you send, stop sending photos. If she copies them off of Facebook, either unfriend her or put her in a restricted group so she doesn't see the baby posts. And be prepared for all sorts of attention seeking bullshit with the baby - be very careful,.and think long and hard before letting her babysit.

People don't change

You know who she is

Work around that and don't give her the opportunity to upset you

You would be right to not send your mum any photos. Clearly she is never going to change.

I would also recommend either replying on her Fb posts that as the child's mother you wish for her to take the photo down as you didn't give her permission.

In addition, you could also report your mum's posts with the photos of your child to Fb, citing it is your property/intellectual property.

I don't understand the photo thing tbh. She's in a closed FB group, so what exactly is the problem here? Control on your part or something else? The comment about you not letting her visit is petty.

Aquamarine1029 Unicornandbows

It is terrible advice to cut Grandma from your lives I expect it was not defiance but much more like Unicorn says and that she was/is so proud that she wanted to share.( maybe " her friends all share.." )
I am a grandma and have three daughters and sometimes they do have to emphasise certain things that make them unhappy about my interaction with the grandchildren. ( photos is not one of them because I am quite up to date with this idea of personal preferences re sharing photos).
Emphasise that she MUST NOT SHARE on social media and welcome her back in to your life in her new role as doting grandma. You will be so glad of her in time. If she over steps a mark, firmly tell her without anger.
Your DD is only a baby but you can imagine how you would feel if, in later years, she shut you out of her life over a misunderstanding.
Let the punishment fit the crime , this is a misdemeanour.