To think big age gaps between siblings suck.

[JKCR2017]

For a while I feel like I’ve lacked any kind of relationship with my mum and I blame it on the age gap between me and my youngest sister.

I am 26 and my youngest sister is 11. At 15 it didn’t seem so bad but as I got older I think it sucks. Also have a brother aged 21 and a sister aged 15 in between.

It’s probably not the same for all children with siblings with significant age gaps but I feel like I lack that normal kind of mother and daughter relationship with my mum and the relationship my mother has with my grandmother.

Naturally when I was a teenager my mum was always busy with the young children. I get that, I am a mother of two children myself. My friends went shopping, to the cinema, out for coffee with their mums. Me and my mum didn’t do anything ever. My younger siblings ruled the roost and never give me any privacy constantly in and other of my room whilst I tried to study, chill out etc. I moved out when I was 18.

I’m not sure what my question is but does anyone feel like this?

I am envious of the relationship my Mil has with her two grown up daughters.

My mother spends hundreds on my younger sisters each Christmas. Now I don’t expect presents but she doesn’t get me anything at all, she buys for my children but sometimes I feel forgotten and lonely 😪😪

My mum never pops by or interested in meeting with me by myself just me and her.

I also don’t have a dad so I feel pretty worthless at the minute. I am feeling like I lack something!

OP serious question but are you jealous Cos you feel younger siblings have better rship? My personal experience with this is that sis needs more of the physical/ psychological support and that's partly down to a shift in culture. Eg my own DD7 will quite often pull me up on my parenting as I'm not a YouTube perfect parent, but that dsnt mean I'm wrong and we don't have the relationship If that makes sense!

my Dad has a similar age gap between him and his younger siblings (without any in between) and actually felt really similar about his parents. He also moved out at 18 and his siblings maintained a much closer bond with their parents and also with each other. Since my dgps passed my dad hasn't seen any of his siblings and rarely hears from them despite sending cards and emails but they spend all Christmas and birthdays together with their DCs

There is 11 years between me and my brother but it never affected my relationship with my mum. It is a bit nasty of her to buy for siblings and not you. I cannot imagine doing that with either of my girls even though one is married with children. She is still my child even though an adult.

Wow poor you! You've basically not experienced having a Mum who is mothering you since you were a young child! Can you tell your Mum that you feel sad about this?

There is 10yrs between my baby brother and me and we get on really well. my 2 other siblings who are in the middle, our relationships are a bit more hit and miss.

The age gap has nothing to do with anything it's our individual personalities, life circumstances and the way our parents treated us (differently - not a good thing for harmony)

There are 8yrs between my kids and so far it's been a great age gap, they adore each other and I hope it lasts for life.

So there’s 4 of you, 26, 21, 15 and 11. None of the age gaps are extreme, it’s just that because there are 4, it is spread over 15 years. Is there a reason your parents spread their children out? e.g. only having one in full time childcare at a time.

I have never done shopping or days out or anything with my mother. There’s less than 2 years between me and each of my siblings (one older, one younger).

Thanks all - late reply I know.

My mum has odd age gaps between all her D.C because she basically split with my dad during pregnancy and I’ve never had a relationship with him, she had my brother with her ex husband and the two younger with my step dad. She always said she didn’t like really close age gaps as well.

I didn’t have a bad childhood as such. All there was bad parts about it but not really due to my siblings (my brothers dad was abusive as was my uncle towards his girlfriend that lived at my grandparents where I spent a lot of time) I just feel like I missed out on something and still am but of course I’ve realised like most of you have said, it’s due to parenting rather than the age gaps.

There’s actually also 19 years between my Oh and his sister. He’s not overly close to his mum either and also doesn’t have a dad so we are from similar backgrounds.

I didn’t mean to worry anyone with DC with larger age gaps. It does work for a lot of families 😊

I wouldn’t feel bad. Try and focus on having a good relationship with your children and siblings. Not everyone is close to their parents...I know I’m not. But that’s ok. It might suck when you see everyone else have an amazing relationship with their mothers. But just think that there are other people in the same position and probably even worse.

My sister is 10 years younger than me. I am incredibly close to my mum and to my wonderful little sister.

She was such a gift after years of mum and dad yearning for number 3 and my brother and I pestering them for a baby (feel quite guilty about that now as it must have made the secondary infertility harder).

Anyway, mum decorated my bedroom within a year of her arriving. She has since told me that she did this to make sure that I knew how important I was.

I think your mum just handled it badly.

Dsis and I never fought over clothes or felt any rivalry. It’s a unique and lovely relationship.

I actually feel a bit guilty that we had surprise twins so 4 kids in 4 years as I was hoping to stretch it out and to give my kids what I had.

Every family is different though and we’re muddling along beautifully

I'm 16 years older than my sister, we have a great relationship. She's actually closer in age to my daughter than me and I'm looking forward to see how their relationship develops.

It's not the age gap thats the issue here its your mum