Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

To move abroad at short notice?

36 replies

Clueless1627 · 18/10/2018 18:44

Hi everyone, this is so long, I'm sorry

Me and BF together for 4.5 years, lived together for 2.5 years; marriage on the cards soon but not engaged yet as I feel too young. I'm mid-20's and him late-20's, no kids. He likes his job, I hate my job. My job is in a moderate/smaller industry but lots of transferable skills; the industry overall is very interesting but my particular area isn't, so I'm hoping to move into a different area asap.

BF has a 2 year job offer based in a European city close by which he's worked in before (about 1 hr plane ride away). He has asked me to come with him as he knows how unhappy I am in my current situation but I'm really worried that either I won't find a job I enjoy in the new city or I won't find one at all (we don't speak the language but everyone over there is fluent in English, it's western Europe). His salary can support us both indefinitely and we won't struggle. I also worry if I'm unemployed for 1-2 years what will my prospects be for my industry when we return to our home country?

BF has said that he won't go if I don't want him to but I wouldn't do that to him; he's always wanted to live abroad and this is a fantastic opportunity for him so I'm definitely making sure he goes! If I can't go right away then the plan is for me to stay behind in our flat and we see each other at weekends etc. (we did this before for about 6 months when he worked in this same city about 2.5 years ago) and I will join him when I've found something over there.

I'm desperate to pack in the job that I despise and go with him regardless of if I have a job lined up (his job would start in Feb-March 2019). But the sensible side of me thinks it's ridiculous for me to do that when I have no job security there! BF says it's totally up to me and is being very supportive but I can tell he's upset that I may not be able to go right away, he said it won't be the experience he's hoping for. Can you all give me your thoughts on this please? It's starting to upset me quite a lot and I don't know what to do.

Any and all opinions are thoroughly appreciated!

OP posts:

BruegelTheElder · 22/10/2018 01:33

I would take the time while you're there and unemployed to take some classes in the local language and make the most of the opportunity of immersion. "Everyone" may be fluent in English there (even bus drivers and people on the checkouts at supermarkets?), but that doesn't mean they'll all be happy talking to you in English all the time, and learning a language is super rewarding and useful.

ThriftyMcThrifty · 22/10/2018 04:14

Go! At 29 I was offered a job out of the blue, in America. I took it and moved, and took my boyfriend of six months with me. We are now married and have two kids, one on the way. It’s been a fantastic 9 years. I am so glad I went for it, and that I had him with me.

BigRedBoat · 22/10/2018 04:23

You might never get an opportunity to do this again, you're young, child free and can manage finianciallt if you don't find work - go for it!

alwayscrashinginthesamecar1 · 22/10/2018 04:27

Of course you should go. Your 20s are for taking risks and this doesn't even sound that risky!

loveka · 22/10/2018 04:34

Go for it! I am.guessing The Netherlands, Amsterdam specifically. I have worked there for the last 3 years, it is great!

Do these things while you are young and not tied down.

A gap in your CV can be explained away by saying 'travelling'.

You hate your job, so being alone in the UK still doing it sounds grim to me.

Blondiecub0109 · 22/10/2018 04:39

Go for it! I moved to a country shortly after I married my husband where my professional qualifications weren’t recognized (accountant)? but my experience meant I ended up consulting for a cultural diverse firm on a slightly different slant ie process optimization. I had to wait four months for a work permit. Looking at the ‘expat expert’ website and Robin Pascoe’s book on being an expat partner. Best of luck.

SD1978 · 22/10/2018 05:01

I'd go. If you can't get work, or you don't enjoy it- come back, you don't sound as if you'll have lost much of your career in a job you dislike.

mildshock · 22/10/2018 06:27

Just go and enjoy yourself! My brother moved to Denmark with his GF several years ago, armed only with his clothes and a few phrases in Danish.

He got a job pretty quickly and now works as bar staff earning more per hour, than I will when I qualify as a nurse here.
He took a free Danish course for expats, and with his GFs tuition he can now speak the language fluently.

Just do it, if there's issues following Brexit, you could always come back and apply for a visa.

Mountainsided · 22/10/2018 07:03

Absolutely go! I can’t think of a single reason for you not to go. Sounds amazing, you don’t need to work so can do a language course or something and the gap will be fine on your CV. Enjoy!

Bouchie · 22/10/2018 07:10

Oh so jealous! do it.

Highpeak · 22/10/2018 08:32

Definitely go, assuming it's Netherlands or Belgium. You'll have a great time and taking time out at that age will do no harm to your career prospects (I took 6 months off to travel in my 30s and got a job straight away after getting back). Maybe it will help you find what you really want.

If it is Holland, it's a myth that everyone speaks fluent English but you'll be fine in the cities.

Flip

1 2