My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

AIBU?

To ask if your dc has autism..

47 replies

questionsaboutautism · 18/10/2018 10:42

Do they manage to live a fairly normal, happy life? I hope my post doesn't offend anyone but I'm extremely concerned about dc1 and am awaiting the health visitor to carry out an assessment for the 2 year check up. But in my gut, the more I learn about it, deep down I really don't think his behaviour is normal for his age and is showing several red flags in my opinion.

I feel like I'm on the verge of a complete breakdown to be honest and am sick of all the shit life seems to be throwing our way over the last couple of years.

I'm just so worried about his future and how he'll cope with day to day life?

OP posts:
Report
CaptainKirkssparetupee · 18/10/2018 10:43

I have autism, i'm not sure my life is totally normal but i'm very happy.

Report
AjasLipstick · 18/10/2018 10:44

Ah OP...of course you're worried. My DC doesn't have Autism but my best friend's does and he is a very happy 8 year old who does well academically AND has friends.

Yes he has to work that much harder at some things but on the whole he is very, very stable and happy.

Remember though that red flags don't always mean Autism and he's still your DS no matter what.

What red flags have you seen?

Report
lucy101101 · 18/10/2018 10:48

We have a lot of ASD and SEN in our family... and honestly ASD covers every kind of life and outcome (marriage, children, independence, or supported living). It is terribly painful when you feel something is 'wrong' with your child... but you don't fully know yet what is 'wrong', if there is anything actually 'wrong' and if it is ASD where your DC might be on that spectrum.

That said, you have to trust your gut as in my experience you probably know your child best and the earlier one faces issues like this the earlier you can help your child live the best life they can... as well as yourself.

Perhaps post on the SEN board rather than AIBU as there may be more people there who may have shared your experience?

Report
haba · 18/10/2018 10:49

You know the saying: "Once you've met a person with autism... you've met one person with autism"!

My children are children- they have sad days, happy days, every kind of days. Yes, not having asd would make many aspects of their life simpler, but they still have fulfilled lives, and get so much out of every day, in the way we would want all children's childhoods to be.

I don't know what their futures hold, but I do know that that would be the same if they were NT.

They're only small once, try and enjoy the good bits along the way Thanks

Report
IncyWincyGrownUp · 18/10/2018 10:50

All three of my children do. They all live their lives as best they can. The youngest is happiest. Middling one is getting there. Eldest has crippling anxiety and is in a pretty grim state right now.

Autism can’t ‘make’ any of those outcomes a definite, it just impacts how a person deals with every day life.

Report
Dumbledora · 18/10/2018 10:56

Our DS aged 10 has autism, dyspraxia, and Adhd.
He started talking early and then stopped entirely. HV was concerned but we thought nothing of it. He was (still is) a very poor sleeper. His nursery referred him to EdPsych and it was about 18 months later when we got the diagnosis.
The whole process was extremely distressing tbh. I was devastated even though I knew it was coming as you naturally worry about what the future holds.
He attends mainstream school although he has his classroom assistant with him to keep him focused on his work.

His consultant suggested ritalin for his Adhd which has made a big difference to his behaviour and attention span. We were very reluctant to medicate him but it has helped him a great deal.

Good luck and feel free to ask anything.

Our DS is lovely and no diagnosis changes the fact he is our son and we love him to bits x

Report
Kickassbitch · 18/10/2018 11:01

My Son has autism, he is 11. I too had concerns very early on but couldn't put my finger on it, he only got diagnosed earlier this year.

His school also knew something was different and helped us push for diagnosis, however it took three referrals to the relevant department to get the diagnosis. The first time, it was put down to my parenting, the second he was just a bit socially awkward, by the third time however the school helped a lot by involving educational psychologists and other departments to assess and compile reports so the relevant department then did a full assessment, he was put on the spectrum and also shows very highly with ADHD.
My son is very happy, and now we have the diagnosis it is much easier to deal with things as and when they occur where as before it was a nightmare as the school and I knew something was there but with our the support were unable to deal with it properly and effectively.
The diagnosis also means that I as the parent have not failed my son, my son is not a naughty boy he is just different and needs to be taught things that come naturally to others and once you can start to educate about this it makes life easier.

Autism doesnt have to be an issue at all, with support and education people can be happy and others more supportive to the cause.

Report
Spudlet · 18/10/2018 11:01

DS is a bit older than yours and at the beginning of the process of being formally assessed. I don't know what the outcome will be, but sending you a handhold and some solidarity - it's a worrying time. However, there's also support coming our way now that wasn't there before, so it's worth getting onto the official radar when you can.

What I will say is that DS is a loveable, happy, smiley boy and that he comes on all the time... they are so young, and it's hard to say what the future might look like. But we have to try and make the most of the now and not get too caught up in the future.

Report
Merryoldgoat · 18/10/2018 11:03

My 5yo DS has ASD (High Functioning) as his official diagnosis.

He’s currently very happy, cheeky, good sense of humour, no academic impairment.

However he struggles with social cues and interaction and his concentration is a nightmare. However, school have been great, was the driver in getting his diagnosis, have set up EP assessment for his additional needs so he’s properly supported and will apply for an ECHP. This is all happening now and he’s in Year 1 so we should have everything in place as school becomes more intense.

The earlier the diagnosis the better in my opinion.

Remember that the spectrum is very broad and you won’t have a full picture of his areas of need (and strengths) until he’s older. But the diagnosis from now will open the door to the support he needs.

On a day to day basis my son doesn’t seem more difficult than his NT peers - just different.

Report
RangeRider · 18/10/2018 11:05

Bear in mind that the earlier a diagnosis of autism is received, the more chance you have to put measures in place to make life easier for them. I know if I'd had an earlier diagnosis (as in not in my 40s) life would have been easier and made more sense. If you can identify the stressors you might be able to find ways round them & make their & your life easier.

Report
Merryoldgoat · 18/10/2018 11:06

I’d add that my son is lovely - all of his teachers adore him, he’s very very kind and caring and he’s full of love and quirkiness.

I worry about his future but He’s an absolutely lovely boy and people warm to him very quickly.

Report
Kickassbitch · 18/10/2018 11:07

dumbledore - they have suggested meds once ADHD has been confirmed I have my reservations but they are trying to reassure me stating it can be very effective. I take it you have had success with the meds and no side effects?

Report
Potterpotty · 18/10/2018 11:17

My DD2 is being assessed as we speak. She was referred to the pediatric Neuro team via a speech therapist who noticed some behaviours that could be down to ASD or ADHD. I am worried also about how her life will be but I also know that she will now get the help she needs.

My DD2 is only 3 but has only just started talking, everyone who knows her says that they don't think anything is wrong so I tell them that's because there isn't she just deals with things differently. My DD1 helps a lot as she takes all of the social cues from her and is starting to come out of herself, ie she doesn't mind people talking to her or giving her cuddles if she's in the right mood :).

Report
RedTriangle · 18/10/2018 11:20

My son is 9 and has autism and lives a very happy life. He is doing well in school. He needs some help to regulate his emotions at times.

He doesn't make friends as easily as other children but loves meeting people and going out doing things. He has lots of interests. He lives in the moment and never worries about the past or the future - I wish i was like that.

Report
Sirzy · 18/10/2018 11:23

Ds is 8, he has autism that’s part of who he is, he has a selection of other diagnoses to. He is currently coping in mainstream with full time 1-1, it is universally agreed he will need specialist provision for secondary though.

I wish I had a magic looking glass to see what the future holds, but I don’t. I know his ambition of being prime minister is unlikely to happen but hey it’s good to be ambitious!

The only bit I would want to “take away” is the crippling anxiety though. The rest of it is just part of what makes him hjm!

Report
RavenWings · 18/10/2018 11:24

It really depends on the individual person, what traits they present with and specific interventions and supports they've had imo. I've taught kids with autism who are now doing great, I've taught kids with autism who will sink like a stone because their parents aren't prepared to put the work in or even recognise it.

My brother isn't doing well, but then he's not a particularly nice person so he's reaping what he's sown. That factors in too. We would have other family members who are grown now and flying along - job, friends and life skills. It all depends.

Report
bigbluebus · 18/10/2018 11:28

If he does end up with a diagnosis of ASD it is such a varied condition that there is no knowing how he will be in the future.

FWIW, my DS was diagnosed as having HF ASD at 6 (we had been concerned about his behaviour for many years prior to that but largely fobbed off until he got to school). He had 1:1 support all the way through mainstream school and is now at Uni, living in a house he shares with 3 other people. He learned to drive, travelled abroad on his own, has a girlfriend, has held down a number of jobs in the holidays - even some involving customer service roles. But everyone is different. I have made many friends who have DCs diagnosed with ASD and most of them will never achieve what my DS has done as they have different issues that affect their interaction with daily life and all that entails.

Whilst it is easier said than done OP, there is little point in looking that far ahead. Deal with the NOW and get through it one day at a time. Research interventions which may help with your DS's behaviour whether or not he gets a diagnosis - consistency is key.

Report
Sockwomble · 18/10/2018 11:34

Ds has autism and severe learning difficulties. He is happy most of the time if his needs are met. It takes a lot of time and effort to make sure they are met but that has become our normal. Our life isn't like most people's and his adult life won't be but as long as he has the right life for him, it being different doesn't matter to us now.

Report
Schroedingerscatagain · 18/10/2018 11:36

As others have said it really does depend on the individual

Dh is an aspie, late recognised has a good career but lives with crippling anxiety and has to be ordered to the doctors from time to time for treatment

That said we’ve been happily married for nearly 20 years

Dd mid teens is very like dad, has asd adhd Misophonia and crippling anxiety. her road has been hard but she’s blossoming and hopes to head to university

In our area there are lots of high functioning autistic people due to local industry, most leading productive lives so it isn’t necessarily all doom and gloom

Report
Mummyundecided · 18/10/2018 11:43

My little boy is autistic. He’s amazing! Very bright, loving and funny. Loves school, has some nice friends. His teachers adore him. He does have some unusual mannerisms and interests. He’s what you would have once called eccentric, I suppose. He’s a beautiful soul. We always focus on what he can do rather than what he can’t.
We were open and honest with him about his autism as soon as he was diagnosed. Understanding why you’re different is really important to good mental health. (I am also autistic, but late diagnosed. Lots of MH issues before my diagnosis. Understanding myself has made a massive difference.)
One of the hardest things is comparing your child and your situation to NT peers. You definitely have a more ‘interesting’ journey, but it can be a good one.
Also, remember it’s a spectrum, and all people with autism are different. You’ll find people who immediately equate your son’s situation with someone they know. I’ve never found that very helpful. My son, for example, has severe needs, but is also considered high functioning.
Join local support groups (real life and virtual). They are a huge support. You feel less alone.
I hope the HV and co can help you get the answers you need. xx

Report
Dumbledora · 18/10/2018 11:48

KickAss
The consultant knew we were very reluctant to medicate. He went through everything with us first, also saying something on the lines of - if your child had eg epilepsy you would treat it, so similar with adhd.
DH thought DS was going to be like a zombie.
He is on 20mg each morning.
After a few days his teacher could see a great improvement. He still needs his one to one assistant but he can cope so much better.
Only side effects seem to be his sleep has got worse, and his anger outbursts when he's home from school are horrendous. His consultant is due to see him soon so we can take it from there.
He only takes them on school days. Been on them about 2 months.

Report
Flowerfae · 18/10/2018 11:58

I think it depends, my daughter who is 13 has high functioning autism, she is in high school and has a normal life, struggles a bit socially sometimes though and she doesn't understand jokes at all, but her friends are all really understanding of her, she's mostly fine.

My son has autism and learning difficulties, he's 14 and his understanding is that of a 3-4 year old. He struggles with day-to-day living, he won't be able to live on his own so he'll be staying with us even when he's an adult. He's happy though, and he doesn't really know any different, he has started to get frustrated at school because he doesn't understand his work, he is in a brilliant specialist school too and has been moved to the bottom set and still doesn't understand. Other than that though he is happy.

Report

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

ElfridaEtAl · 18/10/2018 12:01

My DS (2) is Autistic. We got his official diagnosis yesterday.

I wasn't shocked or surprised and came to terms with it a while ago but I'm really finding it hard to think about his future. I think possibly because the only things I've found online are negative.

I'm sorry I can't help much or offer advice but I've been where you are and once you start getting help it does get better.

Flowers

Report
Flowerfae · 18/10/2018 12:02

saying that he doesn't understand any different though, I ask him yesterday why he was getting stressed and playing up at school in the mornings, he said its because he can't understand his work and then pointed at his head and said 'its because of that' he does know that he has autism and learning difficulties

Report
tabulahrasa · 18/10/2018 12:12

DS is 22, he has autism, joint hyper mobility, a speech disorder and dyslexia.

I’m not sure his life is “normal” in that he’s not a typical 22 yr old... but he’s at uni, he has friends and hobbies and he’s happy.

I’m not really sure how great his employment prospects will be after uni, I worry about that, because he’s absolutely capable of working in the field he’s studying... but I’m not really sure he’ll get past interviews, so the plan is to keep him studying as long as we can and that way he’ll be so qualified they’ll hopefully be able to see past interview performance, lol.

But then I also worry about DD who’s 18 and NT... so...

I’m pretty sure it’s what parents do? Grin

But yep day to day life is fine, it took extra work to get him there and his day to day life isn’t what most 22yr olds want, but it’s what he likes.

Report
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.