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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Alcohol=Problems?

15 replies

MammaCee25 · 18/10/2018 09:26

Hi Everyone,
Ive gotten myself abit upset because I feel like im being unreasonable and selfish towards my partner.
My mums always been a alcoholic and it has effected me as a child to young adult, to see her stumbling round town, showing herself up, getting banned for drink driving, personal hygiene and causing problems between me and OH.
Me and my younger brother(18) have been put offdrinking because of her, the word alcohol makes me cringe ans brings back memories ... memories that involve my mum and step dad hitting me because I was half an hour late for curfew when I was about 14.. or my mum bringing men back to the family home when my dad was at work
The question is.. am I been unreasonable with hubby by not drinking because hes been working all week and he wants to take me out to get drink and a meal but I dont want to because of the above..??

OP posts:
Poodles1980 · 18/10/2018 09:29

Can you not go out for a meal and not drink? We go out to eat a lot and I don’t really drink much. I often drive, dh has a few drinks and we have a lovely night. Is your dh expecting you to get hammered drunk or something?

ComtesseDeSpair · 18/10/2018 09:30

If you don’t want to drink, he shouldn’t be pressuring you. Not drinking alcohol doesn’t mean you can’t go out for a nice meal and have a soft drink with it - as long as you aren’t trying to stop him drinking alcohol moderately, you are entirely right to do whatever makes you feel comfortable.

I’m sorry about your mum and that she hasn’t been able to stop drinking. Do remember that her problems are not s reflection on you; and that you aren’t somehow “destined” to become an alcoholic because she is (as I know many people with parents with alcohol problems feel this way.)

QuiVivraVerra · 18/10/2018 09:33

I'm confused. A lot of people don't drink. Is he trying to make you?

It sounds like you had a rough childhood because of alcohol abuse and I'm guessing is aware of what you just told us? He should respect that you don't want to drink, regardless of the reason.

Stonebake · 18/10/2018 09:34

What? He can have a drink with his meal and you can just have a meal surely?

Original poster
MammaCee25 · 18/10/2018 09:49

He hasnt pressured, I just feel like im being boring and he wont drink if I dont, but theres a lovely cocktail bar near where we live (Leeds) and hes wanting to go there but I dont want to ruin the night by sat there with a coke and he feels that he has to have a coke too, ive told him to have a few but he wont if I dont.. he understands my situation and he hates my mum... they really dont get on, shes attacked him once when she was pissed up and obviously hes not going to do anything back because its my mum... I feel really selfish

OP posts:
Stonebake · 18/10/2018 09:51

But, if he’s been with you all this time and I assume you have never been one to get drunk then why is this suddenly an issue now?

I think a lot of people abstain these days. You don’t even need to justify your reasons why.

Gingerrogered · 18/10/2018 09:53

If you don’t want to drink don’t drink. If he chooses not to drink that’s up to him. You both make your own decision. You’ve said you don’t mind him having a few so it’s up to him.

You don’t need alcohol to make it a nice evening.

Original poster
MammaCee25 · 18/10/2018 09:55

I think im going to speak to him about this but hes always worked weekend nights so weve never really been out together, I think just a meal and maybe a shopping day x

OP posts:
Stonebake · 18/10/2018 09:55

And any decent cocktail bar should serve something a heck of a lot more interesting than a coke. Softails / mocktails are lovely these days. I do drink alcohol, but not an awful lot. Quite often if we go out dh and I won’t drink. Why is the default that you have to have alcohol?

QuiVivraVerra · 18/10/2018 09:55

I think you're looking a little too deeply in to this and making things harder for yourself. I don't drink and that's simply because I don't want to. I haven't for 2 years. DP likes a Guinness and drinks when we are out. If he wants to go out 'drinking' then he goes with his mates or brother. It's never occurred to me that me not drinking might be an issue! He's never even mentioned it.

Why don't you have a mocktail? Why can't you have a coke? Just go and enjoy yourself. If he chooses not to drink then that's his choice. Don't feel bad about the fact that he's choosing not to have a pint! It's hardly the end of the world...

CherryPavlova · 18/10/2018 09:56

We both drink but if we’re going out for supper one of us has to drive so doesn’t drink on that particular evening. It’s a non issue and you’re placing too much importance on alcohol. If you get the drinks in, you could order him a glass of wine or beer and a cola for yourself. Problem solved.

FendiJacket · 18/10/2018 09:57

Ooh no need to sit there with a coke, they’ll have non alcoholic cocktails, mocktails. Yum! LOADS of people don’t drink for many reasons, watching their weight, medication, pregnancy, religion, designated driver, just don’t like the taste..

Go for the atmosphere, not the alcohol,

Stonebake · 18/10/2018 09:58

You could go to the cinema, theatre, gallery if you don’t want to even see the inside of a bar. You don’t have to do a shopping day, unless that’s what you both like to do.

letsdolunch321 · 18/10/2018 10:00

I agree with the others go along have mocktails, dinner and enjoy the evening.

tiggerkid · 18/10/2018 10:05

Does your husband have any issues with you not drinking?

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