Need some advice

[astralflower]

Am I being unreasonable?

I’ve been vegetarian for years and nearly all of my family are meat eaters, and whenever we have a family gathering, a party, or a special occasion, the food that my family members put on is always strictly meat. There’s no separate options for me despite them knowing that I’m a vegetarian and have been for a number of years, and I feel as though my lifestyle choices are being ignored by those close to me. Everything that they make has meat in, and there have been many occasions when they’ve served me food that contains meat and I’ve had to politely decline to which they’ve been offended at.

They are aware of my (I wouldn’t call it, upset) frustration at the fact that I find it hard to find choices that don’t contain meat products anyway when out dining, but they’re almost always oblivious when we’re all together.

And I have spoken to them about it but it just seems to go in one ear and out the other. One time I brought my own food with me knowing that there might not have been any options for me (just so I can be included instead of being around everyone eating and having to nibble on a breadstick - there’s only so many breadsticks a girl can eat), and my family members were offended that I’d brought my own food despite them not including a vegetarian option for me.

The main reason why I’m posting on here is to get some advice as we’ve all been invited to a meal at a restaurant with most of the family and upon inspecting the menu, there’s no vegetarian options whatsoever.

Has anyone experienced this? What do I do? I know that I have to mention it to them or politely decline their invitation but I’m getting frustrated at the fact that I’m being excluded due to my lifestyle choices.

Thanks!

I would contact the restaurant directly many are happy to do a vegetarian option if they know in advance.

I don't get why your family are annoyed if you bring something with you though if they refuse to cater for you it's a bit odd.

I'd ask the restaurant, but otherwise take my own. And it would be something absolutely delicious - mushroom pasta covered in cheese - so that they can see what they're missing. If they don't like it, tough.

Well with the restaurant phone them, I’ve been to restaurants that produced a while separate menu when you asked.
But the bigger picture - they can’t be bothered buying a microwaveable Linda McCartney or quorn ready meal for you? There’s something very strange going on here. I have never experienced anything like that and I’ve been veggie most of my life. I would stop going personally, though first I think I would have it out with them. It’s very weird and unkind behaviour.

I have been veggie forever (hated meat) never have my family or anyone else if they were aware failed to cater for me. I woulx be double checking with the restaurant as well. It is highly unusual for there to be no veggie option at all.

Call the restaurant directly and sort out your meal. As for other family dinners, I'd skip them.

As pps have said, call the restaurant and ask what they can offer you on that specific day.
All the other time. that’s astonishingly disrespectful of your family. Even I can manage tomato & olive pasta or vegetable fajitas, and I’m a rubbish cook.

I’d either take my own food every time, or I’d find some new friends.

Ring restaurant in advance, am sure they will be happy to cater for a veggie.

Bring your own food when eating at family gatherings, they need to be offended for a while until they get it. aka stand up for yourself.

What do they say when you say ‘but you haven’t provided anything for me to eat?’ at these gatherings?

They’re seriously rude and obviously treat your vegetarianism as some kind of fad but it’s really disrespectful.

Are you sure there's nothing vegetarian on the restaurant menu? That's very unusual (in the UK anyway).
If I were you I'd either take my own food to family gatherings, and tell anyone who complained about it to piss off, or stop going to them.

Why don't you host a family gathering and only do vegetarian food and if anyone complains about the lack of meat then you can then explain how you feel at their gatherings.

Definitely call the restaurant and organise a vegetarian meal.

They aren't 'oblivious to you having no food'

They full well know and are trying to force you to eat what they eat.
why??

Could be any reason, but my guess is 'similar' to the people that hassle one person that doesn't drink Alcohol'

They see your choice to be diffirent to be a 'Judgement' on their lives.
You are not allowed to be 'diffeerent'

Let them be bloody offended. Who gives a fuck? Be more offended back at them that they are being so rude. And it is unusual for a restaurant to have no veggie options at all, everyone's local pub does a veggie burger/curry/sandwich and chips, which suggests to me they went out of their way to book a strictly carnivorous place.

Seriously, I have been a vegetarian for over forty years and I cannot remember the last time In went to a restaurant without the one vegetarian option. As other have suggested, ring the restaurant directly. If they refuse to accommodate you, I would let your family know. If they will not take your food choices seriously, I would refuse to go.

My MIL is manipulative, passive aggressive expert but even she manages to put some veggie bites/quorn substitute in the oven for me. You need to stand up for yourself. Why is it OK for your family to be offended when you bring your own food but for you not to be offended when there is nothing to eat or they serve you things with meat in it.

You have been vegetarian for years and none of your family have ever provided food for you in that time? Why on earth would you let them get away with that. There is absolutely no excuse for that behaviour.

I would assume them not providing vegetarian food ever is deliberate. I’m not a vegetarian but I eat a lot of vegetarian food anyway, I’d say these days it takes a special effort to avoid it!

I’ve been vegetarian for years and nearly all of my family are meat eaters, and whenever we have a family gathering, a party, or a special occasion, the food that my family members put on is always strictly meat. There’s no separate options for me despite them knowing that I’m a vegetarian

Think I'd just stop going to the gatherings tbh!

Why are you still going to these gatherings???! There must be more to this!

I had to give up wheat 4 years ago - admittedly a health necessity, not a lifestyle choice - but that's much more of a pain in the arse to cater for, and my friends and family all go out of their way to cater for me.

Either your family are really generally lacking in intelligence and / or education around vegetarianism, or they're actually quite unpleasant people. I'm sorry you have to deal with this.

Thank you all so much for your responses, they’ve all helped me so much! I’m sorry you’ve all had to experience this too!

I’ve rang up the restaurant this morning and asked them if there’s a menu for vegetarians as I’ve been worrying about it, and they were quick to reassure me by saying even though it’s a steak grill place, there’s a vegetarian menu in the restaurant which they’re going to make available online due to the vast amount of people calling and asking, so I’m happy about that!

My family are big meat eaters and I often feel like I have to apologise for being vegetarian. I once invited them round to my house for a dinner party and most of them declined the invitation due to them ‘having to eat like rabbits for an evening’, and I’ve not invited them over since. I do think they believe it do be a phase I’m going through, but I wouldn’t call 8 years a phase, haha!

I’m going to continue making my own food at family gatherings, and if they still take offence even though they haven’t provided me with anything to eat then I’ll be declining their invitations from then on. I’m definitely done with feeling bad about being ‘awkward’ in their words!

Thank you all so much! All your kind words and advice have helped me in many ways, and I’m definitely going to stand up for myself more!

I'd always take my own food if it was me, I don't know if you could trust them if they did make you a veggie meal.

I had one relative like that, who insisted that I couldn't be healthy as a vegetarian (funny how some people become a nutritionist when they find out). She made me a stew with veggie sausages - took one bite and knew right away that it was meat, she'd been trying to sneak it in. She'd previously tried to give me soup made with beef stock but had said it was a mistake, and I stupidly believed her.