Guarantor

[Ladybird1271]

Cut a long story short,my son and his girlfriend have been living with me for over two years. My son has quite a good job but his girlfriend appears to be going from bar job to bar job. She initially came as she wasn’t getting on with mums boyfriend and came to live with us within a few weeks of being with my son. She is very difficult to get along with at times but does pay for keep. I said she could stay temporary until they find a place. We’ve had a very difficult couple of years and there now seems to be a lot of division in the house. Anyway fast forward and I asked them to find a place by Christmas. They have now found a place but have asked for me to be a guarantor. I am not comfy with the idea as I am on my own and have a mortgage. I am also of the thought my son is being used as a meal ticket. She will not get a proper job or go and further her education to get a proper job. I feel angry and frustrated that my son is putting up with someone who is very volatile at times and leaning on him because she doesn’t get on with her mother. I have said no but feel that I will have them here until either she “mistakenly” gets pregnant or he gets so far in debt that he loses the plot! Has anybody got any ideas? My son is 24.

@SnowWhitesRestingBitchFace

She isn’t implying that at all. Going from bar job to bar job isn’t stable, permanent work is it? It implies the girlifriend either gets bored easily and moves on

Having finally escaped being a guarantor for a family member after 8 long years all I can say is please please don't become their guarantor.

Without going into detail I was "persuaded" to be a guarantor on a promise that it would be a 12 month deal, never a chance of landlord coming after me for bills etc. That didn't happen, the landlord kept renewing the contract with said family member with my name listed (once you're on, you're on for the length the person(s) stay in the property. Said family member defaulted at one point though didn't say anything - first we heard about it was the court summons...

It's really scary not being in control of your own finances, and that's essentially what you're signing up for - what happens if they sign a 12/24 month tenancy and lose their jobs in month 2? You're then liable for the remainder of the tenancy. Please don't do it. I second Purpleartichokes idea.

I would tell the girlfriend to move back with her mum by Christmas until they save enough money to rent somewhere. I would not offer to be guarantor unless I could easily afford it. Tell your son to start saving up. But definitely tell your son that you don't want his girlfriend permanently living there. So she need to go home and start saving up.

Don’t be guarantor! If they say they can only move out with one then gfriend can move back home. The agreement was a few weeks and she’s outstayed her welcome. You have already done a lot if she can’t see and be greatful for that tough.

Thank you for all your advise, I think my thinking is correct and not a good idea to be a guarantor. I probably just need to keep my emotions out of it and go with the sensible option! May cause a few grumpy faces but I can deal with that🙄. I personally prefer for my son to save and buy a property when the time is right. I have no problem with helping out when he’s put in the leg work to get set up. I still have to deal with the other problem which needs careful consideration. I hoped it may have blown itself out but unfortunately it hasn’t 🙁.

I’m just waiting for the job situation to change again and hopefully she may realise that she needs to train. She wasn’t keen on a loan for education but was keen to get a 2000 loan for furniture!

hopefully she may realise that she needs to train.

She doesn’t need to do anything, OP.

She wasn’t keen on a loan for education

So? She doesn’t have to be. She’s clearly not interested in further education and that’s fine; there’s nothing wrong with that. As long as she’s working and earning money, that’s all that matters.

I agree you shouldn’t be their guarantor, but your views on her work situation are ridiculous and judgemental.

I would sit the pair down, and lay it out. There simply isn't the money available for you to be a guarantor.
There needs to be a clear move out date, but it is up to them how they finance it.

You don't have the right to tell her to do further training, take out loans or change jobs.

You also do not have an obligation to house two grown adults who refuse to take some responsibility for themselves!

A couple of things here: I don't think you can do anything about your son's relationship with the girl. Kids of that age don't tend to listen to their parents and, sadly, I think he may have to learn from his own mistakes or he may not make any. Whatever you say against his girlfriend is only likely to damage your relationship with him, so I personally would bite my tongue on this one.

Guaranteeing rent: sounds like a catch-22 here. If you say no, they may not move out. I can say from a personal experience that pursuing a guarantor for rent is an activity that is generally difficult to do and most people don't bother as I think it usually has to be done through courts. In theory though, it is possible that someone will go through that and pursue you for their rent.

If you aren't comfortable with it, say no. If they can't rent anything in the end, you can tell your son that he can stay but the girl has to move out as you are not a landlord. One thing to bear in mind though is that the girl may become the wife. What then? It's a tough decision but, in the end, you have to do what you want to do.

So you want them to move out, but won't guarantee them anywhere to move to- they are in a double bind here.
I moved out at 19 with my boyfriend aged 21. We couldn't live with his parents as they didn't like me. We were in much the same position as yours, except no way was I going back to my abusive parents. You say she doesn't get on with her mum's boyfriend- how much does she 'not get on' with him? Is there a chance the not getting on takes the shape of abuse?

Because you really are giving them a hard choice if so. My in-laws could afford to be our guarantors and we showed them the breakdown of costs as to how we could afford rent etc. I did not have a stable job though I was bouncing around office work rather than bars. But we could afford it- especially once we had moved out and could apply for housing benefit when I was made redundant.

Get them to show you if they can afford it, and if not, contemplate whether you could stand to make your potential daughter-in-law homeless. Because if that's a step too far, they'll likely need longer than Christmas to get themselves in order.