To ask how you deal with other people's DC?

[peakydante]

DD1 is two and is a very timid child. I was/am much the same (bit of an introvert) so I imagine it's a mix of nature and nurture that's shaped her personality.

I'm a SAHM and we live in the countryside so life is quiet. Recently I've been trying hard to regularly take her places where there are other toddlers and expose her to new experiences etc. but I'm finding it difficult navigating how to handle other children/parents in these situations.

Today for instance we went to soft play. I supervise closely but try to sit back and not intervene if necessary as I don't want to helicopter. I'll generally only intervene if I think my DD would potentially hurt another child or if she's hogging a toy etc.

A little boy (around 3/4) was quite boisterous jumping around the place shouting - more than your typical excited, energetic child. At one stage my DD was happily pushing one of those "little tykes" cars around and he went over and tried to grab it off her. His mum was beside him so I waited for her to stop him - she didn't. She feebly told him to stop but didn't actually try to stop him. He shoved my DD to the ground quite forcefully and pushed the car on it's side and the mum said "oh well, now no one gets to play with it" and walked off following him as he moved on to the next child.

What do you do in these situations? Just avoid the child? Say something? It's a small space and he kept following us around so it would have been difficult to avoid him without leaving. Should I have said something to the mum? I'm horrible at confrontation but I feel I let my DD down as she looked to me for help and I was a bit shocked so I wasn't quick enough to respond.

I know children interact like this all the time and I'm under no illusions that my own child won't be the one pushing another in the future, but (if it isn't already obvious!) I suffer with social anxiety so would love to know how others handle these situations?

Sorry this is so long thank you.

You whisper 'go away' in a quiet pa manner.
Ime.

Or you can sit and have your dc beaten to shit.
Or middle ground is you tell them their dm wants them.
Prefer first method myself.

In that situation I would actively intervene and defend my child.

I go for being smiley and brisk with both kids- ah you want the car but xx is playing with it at the moment, I’m sure she’ll let you have a turn when she’s finished, won’t you xx, grab toy back and maybe try a surreptitious death stare for good measure.
I’d not be confident telling another kid ‘no grabbing’ or approaching the mum about it incase they took offence, maybe they think it’s fine to grab!!
But if my kid grabbed I’d say no grabbing to her and get her to give it back.
I think as well as not having my pfb picked on (I think I’m probably guilty of being a helicopter parent!!) I don’t want her to feel that this behaviour is fine in grown up eyes and go on later to pick on someone smaller than her. Then I could be getting into grief with their parent!!

Thanks sunisshining that's really helpful. That's it too, I don't want my DD to think this is acceptable especially since she has a baby sister. I also feel hypocritical saying nothing to the other child, as if DD did something like this at home I would tell her no.

We' ve all been there. You've not let your DD down. X

It's tough getting the balance right when other people's kids are being pains, particularly if you don't know them. I probably would have asked him nicely to give the toy back as DD hadn't finished playing with it. If he didn't give it back, I'd take it back and tell him he can have it when she's finished. I'd then hover for a bit to make sure he's moved on.

A kid snatched a toy from the boy I was babysitting and I instinctively snatched it back from her and gave to him without a word. She looked shocked for a moment and then went and snatched another kid's toy. I told a friend of mine later and she said that I was wrong and should have "gently explained to her that we don't grab". Screw that.

Well it sounds like the incident was over before it started so not sure you could have done anything other than check your dd was ok. I wouldn’t have bothered informing the mum since she saw it and didn’t care but I’d have just kept a very close eye and made sure I was right there to intervene myself if he approached again.

I've been in that position. It's still not one of my proudest moments. I reacted mama bear style and said rather loudly 'What do you think you are doing!?' Though the boy had just pushed with both hands and smiled as my tiny daughter was pushed backwards off of a toddler trampoline. I still am kind of proud I reacted that way- I showed my DD I have her back. The mother of the boy was not impressed (I quickly learned she's the only one allowed to raise her voice to her son) and nor was the toddler group leader. I didn't go back... I can laugh about it now... I can still feel the stares of the whole group as I looked around. It was so quiet.

I'm sure other people will give you constructive advice, you can use mine as what not to do if you want people to like you. I think I would always show displeasure if my child is hurt in any way and I don't care who sees it!

I'd go over, tell him that it isn't kind to push other children, pick my DC and the car up and move away for my DC to play with it again.

Possibly also giving the Death Stare to the child and the mother.

And if I saw him coming again I would be beside my DC in a heartbeat to stop anything before it started.

robotic that made me chuckle! See that's the sort of thing I'd naturally feel like doing (in fact if I went on my natural instincts I'd probably do alot worse ) but my sister thinks I'm wayyy over protective and need to back off and stop "rescuing" my DDs all the time or they'll have no resilience...

Fake it til you make it. If you say ANYTHING they are quite likely to stop (even if they ignore their own parent!). Phrases I've used: No, stop, "Alice's turn now, your turn in a minute", "Gently", "We do not hit". Channel preschool staff or infant school teachers - kind but confident.

When you have a 2 year old the 3/4 year old look so huge and it's easy to think they are picking on the little ones, but in the grand scheme of things they really are still very little. If your DD had had the car a while I'd probably also encourage her to let him have a turn.