to think you would definitely remember childhood abuse?

[purple8pig]

I don't even know whats making me think of this now. ill try to make it as brief as poss.

uncle (dads brother) sexually abused auntie (dads sister) when they were kids/ young teens. their parents (my grandparents) know this happened but apparently overlooked/forgave him as they still speak to him and see him.

(mentioning this just because maybe it has become an occurrence that isn't a serious as it should be within the family.)


My memories of going to these grandparents house as a young child (from age 3 ish to around age 8) are mostly happy, one of my memories is my grandfather taking me up to the attic to show me the model train set and old photos. but I feel like there was a side door within the attic and through it there were low beams and a sleeping bag. why on earth would my mind make this up, but if im right, why on earth would it be there?

i really don't remember any abuse or anything so it probably is just my overactive imagination and if it wasn't for the uncles behaviour (not at grandparents at the time) i probably would just forget about it, theres just something niggling, as to why there would be that room?


i would remember though wouldn't i ? and if not then there is really no point trying to over think it is there?? after all, surely it would cause me more damage if it was the case and i somehow remembered it?


sorry for my rambles, its just something i think of from time to time.]

not really even sure what im asking....

[Move2WY]

I had this really vivid memory of taking something really precious that belonged to my grandma to school when i was about 6/7 and accidentally dropping it and it smashing. Its an awful memory that i can feel how sad I felt and remember seeing the object smash in the playground.

Recently I spoke to my mum about it (im in my 30s now) and she told me it wasn’t possible as she still has it as a keepsake from her mum (my grandma). She showed me it the next time I was at her house.

Bizarrely, I think I dreamed this happened and spent 25 years convincing myself it did happen.

Could you have dreamed about the room? Especially as you don’t remember anything else.

[darkriver198868]

A lot of people repress there memories. I know I have. I remember enough to know 100% I was abused but I couldn't tell you how regularly.

I have started therapy to confront all this and I am dreading wading into the swamp.

[bruce43mydog]

The mind can block out bad things.

Growing up was awful and I remember being physically abused because it happened a lot.

Fastforwad to when I was 21 and I found out that the man that had caused so much upset in my childhood through his physical abusive behaviour. Had also done unthinkable sexual abuse to my sisters. But my mind Could of blocked it out. Or he might of not done anything in that way to me

So yes I think the mind could block out bad situations.

[PookieDo]

I don’t remember something that happened to me when I was little but I actually told someone when I was little when it happened, so it 100% did happen. It has always been a weird feeling knowing something happened and I may never really know what it was

[FuzzyShadowChatter]

Memory is an odd thing. I agree that trying to uncover something will likely be unhelpful and, as our memories work, not have the kind of certainty and closure that many hope to get. It can help some people but the way it is often portrayed in media around these sorts of things I think does more harm than good.

People don't definitely remember abuse and even when people remember it, the memories can be unclear or get warped. There is some evidence that during traumatic periods, memories are significantly more likely not to encode properly and people are more likely to get fragmented memories where there are very obvious gaps so remembering the aftermath like being bloody or in pain but not the causal event or time shortly after, these fragments can become the 'lightbulb' memories typically portrayed with PTSD but even these fragments -due to not being encoded properly- are highly likely to warp over time while still feeling clear and emotionally powerful to the individual.

External suggestions have a big part in altering out memories - there is evidence that if you show someone a photo of a random person, particularly repeatedly and by someone in authority like police (and even more if the person if similar enough), it becomes harder to remember the face of the actual perpetrator as the brain will start to associate the image with the trauma. This has caused quite a few horrible situations over the years. There is also, as others said, issues with dreams altering our memories, our brain trying to fill in gaps by taking current knowledge and projecting it backwards, ideas that become false memories...it's not as reliable as most of us would like.

[Aussiemum78]

I had a different experience with something relatively minor. I was touched inappropriately by someone as a child and I remember it vividly because I was confused and when I looked at him he was smiling so in my brain I thought oh he doesn't realise his hands are "there". It wasn't until I was older that I understood what he was doing with his hands very deliberately. But the odd 10 second interaction stuck with me. There were possibly others being abused but I very adamantly didn't return to that place but at that time didn't understand what my gut was telling me.

In this scenario though even though I don't remember why I was scared to go into a certain room and I remember associating that room with him and another child and I don't know why.

[fantasmasgoria1]

I was abused at 7 by a friends uncle. I have blocked what I think are the worst bits out. I remembered it for a few years then the memories because vague. I'm actually glad but I'll be having therapy soon and I'm dreading exploring the abuse.

[SuzeD29]

I have memories that I'm not sure even happened- like flashbacks but unsure if they're dreams? The person in question abused 2 other children and I'm sure the memories started before I found out about this. It's very confusing

[Elasticity]

TRIGGER warning PLEASe

[Tomatoesrock]

It could have happened. Though it can be false memories giving the information about your uncle.

Is their anyone would can help you explore further. Even your parents.

[Tomatoesrock]

*There

[JuliaJaynes9]

I would suggest hypnotherapy if you want to uncover memories that you don't currently have conscious access to

[Move2WY]

@Elasticity surely the title is enough?

[agnurse]

You have to be incredibly careful with "memory recovery" because it's very possible to have false memories implanted or you could create your own.

Case in point: I was reading in a science book about false memories. One of the authors was sure she'd been present at a dinner where her uncle had pounded the wall. She thought he must be a violent man. Turned out she wasn't there and he had only pounded the wall as a joke because he and his wife were having renos done to the house. In another book I read, the author stated that he had a friend who insisted he had seen the Sesame Street episode where Ernie died of cancer. This isn't possible. No such episode exists.

[purple8pig]

thanks everyone, and I am sorry that many of you have been through traumatic experiences. it could well have been something I have dreamt and I think I will let it be at that, as I don't think any good would come off digging up memories that may not even exist.

apologies for the lack of trigger warning, not sure how I could have asked the question without using the words in the title , and as others have said, I thought that would be warning enough. my apologies x