to be hurt by this?

[highheelsandbobblehats]

Today I found out that my job will come to an end at Christmas. I'm okay with it, it's for a wonderful, positive reason and it's absolutely the right thing for those that I work with. The very nature of what I do means that it comes to a natural end. I wasn't anticipating it to be this quickly, but it is what it is.
I texted my husband at 2pm when I finished work to update him and he had a mini freak out over text (regarding finances).

By 2.40pm I had lined up a job interview for this coming Monday.

My husband came home from work anc we would up having a blazing row about it. He says that I'm too calm and completely unconcerned by it all and he doesn't think I'm taking it seriously enough. He thinks that he's going to wind up taking on my financial obligations as I'll just coast.

I've told him that the job ending is out of my control, so I don't see the need to get wound up, and that I'm on it. I'm not sure how much more seriously I can take it after lining up an interview less than an hour after finishing work for the day (and that includes my 20 minute drive home!).

He's since apologised, but I'm still hurt by his lack of faith in me. I've accepted his apology as it's churlish not too. However I'd rather just keep my distance tonight as I'm still upset by how he reacted.

AIBU to just want to be left alone? He's now the injured party because he sees it that since I accepted his apology, a line should be drawn and I need to get over it.

He sounds stressed. Nothing wrong with wanting to be left alone but it sounds like you may be being churlish now. He apologised for his overreaction so don't overreact yourself. I doubt he doesn't have faith in you, he panicked because he was worried.

I was with someone for years whose jobs would come to a natural end then he would move onto the next. Occasionally he would be out of work longer than expected.

The uncertainty of it was awful. I hated being the only one with a regular income. I would panic when work was finishing.

Sometimes people over react when stressed or worried.

According his apology, but not understanding he was stressed and wanting him to leave you alone is childish. Why accept his apology if you don't really accept it?

You’ve got 2 months to find another job, and you don’t have to make up an excuse as to why you’re looking.

It sounds like your current job leaves you buzzing and that enthusiasm will come over in your interview on Monday.

Well Done.

When my dp got made redundant, tbh I was exactly the same as your dh. Okay, so he had already got his cv out there, registered with some agencies but that was no guarantee he was going to get a job. Neither is having an interview lined up, although I wish you luck!

He was so relaxed about it, and all I could see was that all financial responsibility could fall onto me and he didn't give a fuck. Which wasn't true, it was just his attitude. I think yabu and maybe try and see it from his position.

He sounds like he did over react perhaps, you've been practical about it and acted. It's not like you've lost your job with immediate effect. You'll be fine. However In fact, his reaction is re assuring to me. At least he's thinking practically too in terms of finances. If he had not worried, then I'd be concerned he wasn't be realistic. If that makes sense?

The coasting comment is the bit that would get me.

Well I would expect sympathy if it was me. So I don't blame you being upset by his comments. If it was him losing his job how would he feel if you acted like him. ☘️ Good luck with the interview.

Yes he was in the wrong and if you need a bit more time to be mad at him then fair enough. However, you can’t say you accept his apology then also say you want him to leave you alone, you haven’t really accepted his apology at all. But you should forgive him, you can’t stay angry forever over one argument where he, by his own admission, overreacted and then apologised.

And good luck for the interview, it sounds like you’ll have no problem at all finding a new job before Christmas

Did your DH mean why your job came to an end and will the next job will be similar? Maybe he is suggesting that by coasting you are taking short term jobs rather than a more secure long-term post?

Panicking does not make it more likely that you will get a new job.

Panicking is not a sign that someone will be more proactive about looking for work either.

Your calm, practical and proactive approach seems like an ideal way to look at things.

I’d be very cross about the “coasting” comment, unless there’s past history.

Thank you all. Not to drip feed (I was aware that my post was already long). I earn about £750 a month and he's on a VERY good wage. I contribute nothing to the household financially, but am responsible for the other side of it (quite old school but works for us). My financial commitments are paying for and running my car, my phone bill and Netflix. All in, around £200 a month. The rest of my earnings are mine to do with as I please.

So he's no need to worry that suddenly we won't be able to pay the mortgage or whatever.

I'm frustrated because if he came home and said that his job was ending, I wouldn't panic. I trust him completely and if he said he was handling it, that would be good enough for me. I just wish he'd have the same faith in me.

Also, apologies for the typos in my first post!

Given what you’ve said about the finances I’m completely baffled.

So he pays all the bills and your money is just for you?

I currently work privately with a child with special needs. It is a wonderful role, and I can't help but be thrilled that it's ending because it's absolutely the right thing for the family.
The job I'm interviewing for will offer job security (in theory, I don't think anyone can ever be completely sure if permanence) and gives me the flexibility I need. Half of my husband's problem is that I will inevitably take a pay cut. But I only work three days and am happy to increase to five in order to maintain my wage.

He's taken the disappointment harder than I have, because I see the big picture and can't be sad. It really is a good thing. He's not so personally involved.

As far as coasting goes. No back story really. I've never been wonderful at saving, but I've also never been out of work other than when both my DC were home and we both wanted me to stay home with them. When past jobs have come to an end, I've always found something else.

I've been made redundant twice in the past, the second time I took a 5 month break while I weighed up my options and decided to set up my own business.

I've always been the high earner, DH earns around half/a third of what I do.

At no point during any of my redundancies or career break did DH lose the plot/panic/make me feel shit.

He fully supported me, hugged me when I cried and told me everything would be fine.

YANBU to be hurt by your DH's reaction.

Jlynhope. Yes. But he doesn't lift a finger in terms of the washing, the dishwasher, the cleaning etc. We've had this arrangement for years. Even prechildren, I earned far less than he did so going halves on things like the shopping was really difficult for me. And he hates housework, whereas I don't mind it. So I run the house, and he runs the finances. I know, it's odd to a lot of people. I don't spend it on just me though. I pay for some things when we go out, or doing things with the kids. O certainly don't hoard it all.

He overreacted and wasn’t very nice to you. You would have been well within your rights to not accept his apology until you’d had some time to yourself, but as you have accepted it then you need to let it go.

At the moment it sounds like he didn’t really mean his apology (because now he’s sulking) and you didn’t really accept it (and are punishing him).

It's pretty insensitive to berate anyone for not taking the need to find a new job seriously enough on the day they're told their contract is ending. I don't like that or the way he seems to feel you're accountable to him for making enough effort, especially given he earns tons more.

I would ask him exactly what he’s upset about. Spell it out. You do everything in the house and child care. Does he not want a spouse who isn’t working? Is there a shame factor?