Name-changed, old lurker, penis beaker...
Boyfriend of five years and I broke up this summer. We’re in our 30s. He has mild anxiety and depression which partly manifested in him acting in a way that strongly prioritised himself over normal relationship things: long solo holidays, wouldn’t compromise on anything, didn’t want to commit by getting a place together or making plans about marriage or children, lots of expensive time-consuming hobbies for him and so on. The relationship’s been going downhill since the beginning of the year and all our conversations centred on him and his feelings. I’ve had a tough year with work and money and felt completely unsupported - he wouldn't be able to tell you what my job entails whilst I know the minutiae of his. We had many crisis talks, but things culminated with him moving in with me for free then taking a month-long tropical holiday in August because he needed to de-stress (I can’t afford holidays this year). He knew I would not be happy about this and went anyway. When he did, I finally grew a backbone and when he got back, I asked him to leave my home and said I didn’t want to continue in the relationship.
It’s entirely his prerogative to act as he does, but it’s not for me and was making me unhappy. He knew this but didn’t want to change. Fair enough. I don’t want to reconcile.
After the break-up, I spent September isolated and miserable, in a sad self-imposed exile. I’m self-employed in a stressful, intense contract working long hours from home, I live alone and most of my friends are coupled-up. I’m planning to move city in the new year and get a new job, but was spending days straight without seeing a friendly face.
From the beginning of October I’ve made an effort to socialise more, take up new hobbies, and generally do things that make me happier. As part of this I’ve started casually seeing a man I met at the start of the summer. I know it’s a rebound, I have no intention of making it permanent, but I enjoy his company and it’s a pleasant distraction. A few friends know about this and I’m expecting it to get back to my ex on the gossip grapevine soon, and I know he won't be happy about it.
AIBU not to feel guilty?
I thought about calling my ex to tell him but don't really see what that'd achieve. I know it's quick, but it's not serious (realistically, I don't plan on dating properly until I move cities next year). I know the timing might seem suspect because I met the new man at the start of the summer, but though I got the impression he was interested and saw him as part of a group over the summer, nothing happened until ten days ago.