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To be pissed off that friends get upset when I don't always check up on them

7 replies

tiredbuttryin · 17/10/2018 13:09

A 'friend' of mine seems to always get upset at me for not hearing from me every week. ^
It's a bad habit of mine, but I honestly cannot for the life of me contact someone when there's nothing to talk about. Don't get me wrong, I will drop the odd message or two every few months to see if she's okay, but other than that, I don't see the need to always be on call.

Truthfully, I do value our friendship, but she gets frustrated if I tell her I've been busy. If it's been longer than 3 weeks, she'll message to check up on me and then ignore my response asking if she's been okay, too.

Let me point out here as well, her partner and my husband are close friends, which is how we met. Otherwise, I don't think we'd ever be friends.

She's starting to really piss me off. I tried conversing with her one day and was really goofy and she left me on 'read'. If I can't be myself, I don't see the point.

AIBU? If so, what should I do to better the relationship? If not, how do I make her understand, when a grown woman her age with 4 kids can't comprehend that life does get hectic sometimes.

OP posts:
DorothyBastard · 17/10/2018 13:11

Why (in her eyes) is the onus on you to check up on her rather than on her to check up on you?

tiredbuttryin · 17/10/2018 13:20

@DorothyBastard Not sure, really. She posts quotes every other day about this, too. I tend to just ignore them. For example:

"No matter how busy a person is, if they care, they'll find the time for you."

Et cetera et cetera...

OP posts:
maddening · 17/10/2018 13:25

Swings both ways - if neither contacts the other etc

CSIblonde · 17/10/2018 14:24

I think she defines friendship as more regular contact. (so would I). Once a month is kind of when things are fizzling out to me. Has it maybe run its course friendship wise?

AGHHHH · 17/10/2018 14:25

Are you her counsellor? Why is it your job?

DorothyBastard · 17/10/2018 14:51

Yes it doesn’t sound like a friendship of equals to me, otherwise she’d take the initiative herself every so often. Does she have some kind of anxiety disorder or similar?

NonaGrey · 17/10/2018 14:54

MN’s version of what is means to be a “good friend” is continually baffling to me.

I don’t think I contact any of my friends on a weekly basis.

It’s amazing any of them still speak to me... Grin

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