To regret having a child with new DP?

[Lastnightsdinner]

Has anyone felt like this before? Late 30s been with DP for 2 years now, before that I was single for 10 years. Have 2 DDs from previous relationship. Before I met DP I was adamant i wouldn't have more children, and that i wouldn't live with someone else again. Now a part of me wants to have a child with him but scared it will change everything. We don't live together now, but wouldn't we have to if we did have a child? Sometimes I feel like maybe I want a child now so I can do it "right" this time round. My relationship with my ex wasn't great, he was very lazy and I did everything on my own. But then on the other hand I'm scared I'll regret not having a child whilst I could when I'm 50/60 unable to have children.

Help!

It’s normal to feel very broody as you reach the end of your fertile stage in life. That will pass.

As someone well past that age, I’m enjoying my freedom in the period between DC growing up and (maybe) giving me DGC. If you have another child you might miss out on that and believe me it’s worth the wait.

I started all over again and no regrets at all, my DH is younger than me and had no kids. I personally would have regretted not having a child together, but then we had been together 7 years before we started trying. Do you see yourself spending the rest of your life with him ? I wouldnt have wanted to have had a child if I hadnt been 100% sure the relationship was for keeps.

How old are your DCs? I think it makes a huge difference if they are at an age where they can get themselves to and from school or make a quick sandwich if you’re busy. How well do they get on with your DP? Is your DP in a financial position to support you with 3 children if you lose out on benefits if he moves in? Is he generous, kind respectful and helpful towards your DCs? These are the questions I asked myself in a similar position and I quickly realised that I didn’t want another child and I’ve never regretted my decision.

Seems to me you'd be combining all the downsides of earlier motherhood with all the downsides of later motherhood. I'd have to be very sure I wanted another baby AND that the relationship was a keeper before I'd go for that.

Personally, I would never have a child with someone until I've lived with them.

MIL had more children when DW was 18. I dont think she regrets it but she is tired and her relationship is strained. Get yourself on Pinterest and look at some travel pictures! Cocktails in the Caribbean, Safari in South Africa, ummm Sledging in Sweden?

More questions: Are you working and what are your long term career plans? Is your job well paid so that you can afford decent child care and build up a pension? How big is your home? Will your DCs be able to have their own space and privacy as they start to hit puberty? How supportive are your family and will they be able to help out? All the risks of a difficult pregnancy go up with age so how will you and DP cope if there’s a problem?

I don’t think feeling broody is a reason to kybosh the rest of your life.

You’ve got two kids, you’ve done that, now do other new things like, travel, self discovery, further education, creativity etc.

Do you want a child with your DP or do you just want another child, partly so you can have a go at getting parenting right. To be honest I suspect if you ask your 21 year old whether you did it right first time round, she will say yes. You wouldn't (I hope) turn around and tell a young single struggling mum that she was getting it wrong, so why do you think you did?
I would love a third child, mostly because I would just love to do it all again, and because I have done it before I think I could be more relaxed third time around, but I know it was bulldoze our life, and I do know I have done OK with my 2. Not perfect, because no one is. You have your second child's teenage years to look forward to.

Don't do it!! I'm 39 with a 10 yr dd and having another baby now would be my worst nightmare.
I'm enjoying dd becoming more independent and hopefully enjoying better career prospects as I don't need to worry about childcare so much.

Wouldn't "doing it right" involve at least living together? I'd aim for that step before thinking any further ahead.

@Gnomesofthegalaxy

That’s really lovely!