AIBU to think the Estate Agent is sexist?

[Highlandheath]

I was selling the house in line with a Court Order following divorce and awarded Conduct of Sale by Judge because the ex wouldn't agree to instruct agents. The house, in joint names, went on the market, got offers, ex refused all offers, so house remained unsold. Then, wallop, ex sends court summons because the house is unsold, in breach of the court order and attached to it are reams of communications the Estate Agent had been sending him, sweet little weekly updates on who was viewing and what the feedback was, well in advance of viewings, "Just a quick update on where we are", "to follow up on my email of yesterday the viewings today when really well" etc... while me, living there with the children, was lucky to get 24 hours notice, had to chase to find out who was coming, was ordered to leave the house with the children during viewings, and got absolutely minimal feedback. He based a lot of his application to court on the argument that I was blocking the sale by not keeping the house in a tidy enough state, the Estate Agents didn't say a word about this to me, but I've now seen their emails and they say things like "she isn't keeping the house as tidy as she might" and "she needs to tidy up the front garden". I can't see any reason why they would not communicate with me, or at least copy me in on all communication relating to a house where I live, and jointly own, while emailing him with proper feedback. It seems to me that the Ex Lord of the Manor was getting class A service, and I was being treated like a skivvy... Does this look like gender bias?

Right now I am working on a second complaint, the first complaint the Estate Agent's just circled their wagons, BUT they did not give the details of the emails sent to the ex to the person investigating the complaint...who is internal, by the way. Haven't taken this to the Ombudsman yet. The emails relating to viewings and condition of the house only came to light when the ex attached them to the Court Papers. I have been to Court, and did point out to the judge that I had texted the ex and his solicitors and the estate agent asking consent to accept an offer, that the ex had refused to sign papers to market the property for 5 months, and that he had not let me know he would accept the offer, about which he did not reply to me, but according to court papers he did reply to estate agent by phone saying I could accept the offer... She then replied to me they were rejecting the offer, I have no idea what the real contents of the phone conversation was. I am pretty certain that if I had a dick I would have received the same courtesy as my ex, yes I did ask for updates, repeatedly, I had to send multiple emails to find out who was going to be visiting the house when. I understand that a test of whether there has been gender bias is whether reasonable people would infer that there had been gender bias... I don't have anything in writing that says "ignore the woman" but the difference in tone, frequency, information provided to him throughout is so striking, that I think this is an example of gender bias - they behaved as if he was the only Client, yet I had conduct of sale, and joint ownership and was resident in the property... The case which resulted was for my ex to get sole conduct of sale, vacant possession and to sell at auction within three months - this would have left the children and me homeless..... Luckily my family and friends rallied round and we managed to pay of the mortgage and the Judge agreed to transfer the house into my sole name - but it came at great cost... I couldn't afford to pay for a barrister so I had to pay half his fees for his barrister. Again, the main proof that I was refusing to sell came from communications I was unaware of between the Estate Agents and him.... Is it reasonable to infer gender bias?

The male E.A are all married.

To their right hands.

Wow. Awful.

That's disgusting. 'She'!

Our estate agent was the son of the Tory MP. He was genuinely lovely and efficient, the only decent EA I've ever come across. So there you go.

Yeah definitely

I had an estate agent in the phone to dh so i could hear hear dh saying...

Dh...so the fee is 2%

Me....no, he said if it went for under 140k that it would be 1%

Dh...so its 2%

Me....I was TOLD 1%

Dh...so its not 1%, you didnt say that and my wife is mistaken

Me....WHAT THE FUCK DID HE JUST SAY??? IM FUCKING MISTAKEN!!! TELL THAT FUCKING BASTARD THAT I AM PUTTING MY SHOES ON AND IM DRIVING DOWN!!!

Dh....did you you hear any of that? Yes.....right....yes....so 1% then. Thats great. Thanks

Just seen your update

Its not unreasonable to infer sex bias at all

I hope the complaints do some good

Have you made a Subject Access Request to the EA? They will have to give you copies of all communications about you or mentioning you (eg emails between persons A and B).

More here: ico.org.uk/your-data-matters/your-right-of-access/

Little Miss Mac, you are a genius! That's a great idea.... I will do an SAR...Thankyou... Let's see what that reveals...

Doesn’t look like gender bias to me. Using the word she to describe a woman isn’t gender bias....

Agree they are being a bit shit though.

Are these emails from one person only at the estate agent? Are they male or female?

SAR is a good idea, as is a complaint to their head office on the basis that they didn't properly manage the first complaint. Make sure you request a copy of all correspondence with either of you, so you can show the court you didn't get the same messages.

The emails are from 3 Estate Agents in the one agency, one male (senior) and two female. The complaint was dealt with by a man at HO, who was frankly staggeringly useless, he referred to the office file notes, which of course I didn't have access to... But of course with an SAR I should get full sight of everything. One estate agent was saying "the house is looking lovely" while her colleague is emailing my ex - unknown to me, saying it's a shit tip. From my point of view, I don't see why there were two lines of communication at all, we were joint owners and should both have been copied in, why he needed a merited a regular update on planned viewings and viewing feedback while I was lucky to get 24 hours notice, and had to chase for feedback is beyond me!

Once you've complained to the EA, if you have no satisfactory response, take it further:

www.gov.uk/buy-sell-your-home/estate-agents

OP is it possible that the ea is a mate of your ex? As in trying to show a 'papertrail' that you are not meeting the court order standards etc?

Hi Daymanchamp... Yes, hadn't occurred to me, but that is entirely possible. Subject Access Request submitted to EA to ask for their file and conversation notes, they are being very slow to respond! Will see what comes out...

Judy Grand Champ - TA!! That's helpful...x

Christ, they're all assholes.

Buying a house with DP at the moment, although the estate agent was fine dealing with me, our mortgage broker seems to have other ideas. Even though I'm the one who has done every single bit of paperwork and all the phone calls and emails and they've met DP once, they still address everything to him and ask to speak to him over me!!
Had a missed call from an insurance company who was recommended to us through the broker saying it's a message for my DP and could they call him back to discuss! Wont be going with them now purely because of that message! It gives me the rage