Ok so brief summary and wont bore you with entire story but I'm a single parent to a 6 yr old. Im not in a relationship. Since I was born xmas was spent with my parents, brother and all my aunts, uncles and cousins until numbers got too much with OH's and kids... one yr at my parents, one at my dads bros and one at my dads sisters.. all together. My mum decided 2 yrs ago the last xmas at hers it was too much (totally understandably) and said last one. Everyone was gutted and said lets not eat together just all get together after lunch but my mum said no lets just spend xmas days in our snaller families. I wasnt really comsulted and was gutted but i totally understand its alot of work.
Anyay my bro has since married and spends xmas with his wifes family.
Now v.briefly summarising my relationship with my parents is strained.. as a child i grew up with them arguing all the time and my mum was and always has been v critical of me (my weight - im a size 14/16 -and just generally very high standards.. i was a sensitive child and never felt loved). But they do love me so much.. they dont show affection but aged 18 gave me money for uni (they saved so hard for me to go to uni and education is their main focus). They bought me a car and as a single mum they gave me a huge sum of money for a house deposit). I had depression when my ex left me and i moved near them. They help in my garden and with sons child care.. they have him over night once a week and do sch rums so i can work.
I think they assume i will go to theirs xmas day or they come here but im dreading it. My mum insults my dad and puts him down (shes v frustrated in the marriage as hes laid back and happy to sit at home, doesnt like travelling and shes ambitious .. theyre v. Different). My dad will suddenly flip out and shout at her. Also my dad is over bearing picking at my 6 yr old re how holds knife and fork etc.
Im a bit of a disapointment.. despite having a degree and a brilliant job now Ive had breakdowns when stressed etc and at bros wedding i got drunk and had a huge go at mum and bro.
Anyway long story short they arent bad people, ive not been model daughter and as generous as theyve been with mony and child care im feeling sick at thought of spending xmas day with atmosphere and sniping.
I joined a single parents group and theyre going away! 24th to 27th glamping.. room to oursleves but cooked meals in the main barn with the others including xmas day lunch.. it all sounds wonderful but ive never met them.. i want to go though! My son will have kids his age to play with, i can relax and im excited... but the guilt is setting in!
Aibu to say sod it... im going to do what i want to do this year for the benefit of my son tbh (and to keep me sane!)
Or am i selfish to leave parents alone and mad to spend it with strangers! (We have our own room so its not like we have to spend every second with the others).
The thought of spending xmas day with my parents is incredibly depressing and stressful but i feel guilty.. they cut my grass, they provide child care, gave me deposit for house and live 5 mins away yet im about to F off xmas day 300 miles away from them :-/