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AIBU?

To have reduced sex drive after baby

10 replies

EekNoSexyTime · 16/10/2018 19:37

I have a 9 month old. Sex went back to 2/3 times per week about 3 months after birth. I’ve noticed over the last couple of months that my sexy drive is almost zero again. I’m only interested 2/3 times per month. I’m not bf and stopped it when lo was 4 months.

Normal? Will it come back? Anyone in the same boat?

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MrsLettuce · 16/10/2018 19:41

YANBU

Which form of contraception are you using? That could easily be an additional factor IME

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AllHallowsQueen · 16/10/2018 19:45

Yes mine dropped to practically zero after baby and has never recovered really, nearly 3 years on. I genuinely couldn’t give a toss if I never had sex again at this stage, but I really miss wanting it.

It could’ve hormonal but it’s not for me, have checked. I think partly it’s the tiredness and of course your opportunities are reduced. I don’t feel as good about my body now but husband doesn’t feel any different towards me. Also think the more you have the more you want.

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Namechanged1001 · 16/10/2018 19:57

Normal totally. I go through fits and starts with libido all the time. When i first had the babies (have 3) it was almost like I had something to prove then it waned again. The toll of having babies, housework etc, not to mention sleepless nights and generalised baby angst makes you tired and drops libido. Interestingly now I'm not on contraception (hubby had the ship after DS3) i can pretty much predict my ovulation times due to my sex drive increase. Don't be too hard on yourself and don't be pressured into doing things when you don't feel like it. I'm sure things will even out after the baby stage

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EekNoSexyTime · 16/10/2018 20:05

I’m not on any contraception.
@namechanged1001 I know what you mean about the sex drive being there at certain times in my cycle. That when we have sex. My OH is lovely about it but I wish I was more interested. I don’t want him thinking it’s him. It’s just I don’t feel it.

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hamzilla · 16/10/2018 22:15

I think my sex drive got flushed away with the rest of the crud floating around the birth pool

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AhoyDelBoy · 16/10/2018 22:40

Glad to know I’m not the only one, as I suspected. My DD is coming on 13mo (still BF) and my interest is practically zero. I’m not sure how we’re going to get the sibling her DF keeps going on about Grin

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EekNoSexyTime · 17/10/2018 20:58

My thoughts exactly. How do people have babies so close together?

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AhoyDelBoy · 22/10/2018 02:35

@EekNoSexyTime
No idea! My DPs brother was born a year and two days after him Shock
It would be horrendous being pregnant again so quickly again IMO especially because you’d have a young baby to care for. I keep saying to my DP at the moment ‘imagine having a newborn now’ (as we have a 13 mo) Shock

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Aquamarine1029 · 22/10/2018 03:17

You've got to give yourself a break and stop worrying. Make sure you have an excellent diet, exercise (even just walking) as much as you can, try to get proper sleep, and most of all, keep the lines of communication open with your partner about how you're feeling. Even if you're not up for sex, you can still display your love for him in many different ways. Hugging, back rubs for you both, kisses, talking, holding hands, whatever. You will get through this!

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Whatswrongwithme1 · 22/10/2018 06:45

Same here! I always find it surprising when people get pregnant again unintentionally really soon after baby has been born.... That means they were having casual sex for fun (not TTC). I'm always like Shock

Grin

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