How to deal with teenage apathy?

[tiggerkid]

Could someone please share their experiences of dealing with teenagers, who seem to have no interest in anything at all? My son is 16 (will be 17 in few months' time) and seems to have 0 interest in anything. Seeing as he is the only child (well, not quite so much of a child anymore!), I have no other experience of living with teenagers, and I don't remember being like that myself.

He says he isn't depressed. I talked to him. The only interest he has is his phone and YouTube. Those 2 things seem to be an extension of his person. Other than that, nothing. He never wants to do anything (even inviting his mates around isn't of any interest).

He is also very lazy. His room is a mess. Our local recycling centre is tidier than his room. It's like a bomb site. He will help with chores if we ask. He doesn't argue but if we don't ask, he won't offer.

Is this normal and will he ever evolve from this chimp into a human (and yes, I know this is probably an offence to chimps but none meant!).

Please tell me he isn't the only one like that. Are there really other youngsters of his age that are also like that?

My son and his friends do need to be crow lifted out of the house, we parents are always begging them to go out and do stuff.

I will say though, that the room does need to be tidied. I don't tolerate a mess. He will never offer to help around the house, but he does do it when asked. We often have a big heart to heart about spending too much time on his phone when I see him sinking. My son will agree to go out and leave his phone at home or play/do other things.

Is there any sport or any activity that he'd like to try? Have you tried asking him if he'd consider taking up an activity of some sort?

Are there really other youngsters of his age that are also like that?

Yes.

As a secondary school teacher, I can reassure you that there are at least 3 other teenagers like this nationally. Maybe even more.

My BIL was the same as a teenager, and still is at 26. He does now work in a cinema and holds that down as a steady job which is great, but he has no ambition to ever do anything else. He’s only interested in computer games, as far as I’m aware never does anything else. Doesn’t see real life friends or go out or do anything. He will come for family meals etc if asked but that’s it.

I think it upsets his parents (who compare him to his brother, my DH, who is very bright and motivated and sociable) but to be honest I think he’s happy. He has his own place now and he holds down a job and he seems basically content. Not everyone wants any more than that.

FourEyesGood 🤣

Is there any sport or any activity that he'd like to try? Have you tried asking him if he'd consider taking up an activity of some sort?

Yes, I did ask but he says he isn't interested in anything. The only thing he agreed to sign up to is going to a gym after school once a week but that was only because his school mate wanted to do that. I don't know how long this will last as he abandoned quite a few other similar "initiatives" before.

I usually get him to tidy his room at least once per week. I can't let him turn his room into a total pigsty but that also has to be almost forced. I am pulling my hair out!

Will he be interested in driving lessons when 17? could get him interested in the theory test on line ready for being 17 also filling in licence application etc.

Will he be interested in driving lessons when 17? could get him interested in the theory test on line ready for being 17 also filling in licence application etc.

Definitely wants to learn to drive. And it's a great idea. I will get him to start sorting out the paperwork! Thanks for giving me the idea. However I am still not sure what on Earth he wants to learn to drive for seeing as he never wants to go anywhere!

If you will be paying for driving lessons you could use doing other stuff as an incentive somehow?
e.g. For every day at a weekend / holiday he spends out of the house it clocks up 30mins of lesson paid for or something? Or a sticker chart (yes I know he's too old) that build up to reward lessons or something?

*If you will be paying for driving lessons you could use doing other stuff as an incentive somehow?
e.g. For every day at a weekend / holiday he spends out of the house it clocks up 30mins of lesson paid for or something? Or a sticker chart (yes I know he's too old) that build up to reward lessons or something?"

I must admit I've not tried the sticker chart but we have tried other things. Both stick and carrot. My sister lives in the US. DS likes going there. This summer he made a deal with my BIL that if he studies well, tidies his room etc, my BIL and sis would pay for him to go visit them at Xmas. This is very nice and generous of them. My son was really happy. But, in the end, he never did anything he promised BIL to do.

I also tried the stick approach. I told him if he doesn't start showing discipline around certain things, I'll take away his monthly allowance. He is simply not bothered. And this is what I mean by the apathy. Sometimes I think even if threw a brick through his window, he wouldn't be bothered!

Is he a stoner?

I think you need to enforce phone and wifi free times

Could you bribe him to do phone free time.

I think as adults we know how addictive phones are - they are designed to be addictive. So we also have a role to play - an absolutely vital role I think - in protecting teens and young adults from completely losing themselves to phone addiction.

I actually worry a lot that our generation is failing the younger generation by not being much clearer about how damaging constant Internet use is...

I would offer money in exchange for him doing things other than staring at a phone for an hour or two each day. And I would be very straight about how mentally damaging addictive phone use is.

He needs to get off his arse and get a job. I wouldn't tolerate his laziness for one second. As for his room, he keeps it relatively tidy or everything will be gone. If he doesn't comply he will lose his allowance, phone, and Wi-Fi. Not demanding respect for your home and promoting his laziness is not doing him any favors. Right now he is building terrible habits that very well might last a lifetime.

You could be describing my DS! I have no answers unfortunately but I am slightly reassured to find out that others also have the same problem 

This is very similar to the way my younger brother was (10yrs younger). It led to a very difficult start in life. He is fine now tho but there was a period of about 5 years in which he basically lived off my parents whilst doing nothing.
I don’t think you should pay for his driving lessons. He needs to get a job and earn money. Don’t give him an allowance as he is doing nothing to earn it. He needs to appreciate that if you want something in life you have to work for it. Who is paying for his phone? I think you should remove all his luxuries and just give him the basics.

lavenderbongo I've removed his allowance a long time ago. As I mentioned above, I took it away once as part of my "stick and carrot" approach. This was the stick. I said he'd get it back when he changes his ways. But he never bothered, so he still doesn't have it. This was few months ago. He is just not bothered.

I pay for the phone and unfortunately can't stop now as we are on a contract. If I stop, it will damage my credit history but I do take his phone away. He does tidy his room weekly on demand. He brings down his washing, takes rubbish out and brings the bins in. He even mows the lawn and all that but he would only do it on request. He studies quite well too but that aside he is just really not bothered about anything at all. Sometimes I take his phone away. There were times I took it away for a month at a time. The computer is already gone from his room but he is still not really interested in anything.