To be annoyed and not go?

[ZoeZebra1]

Very close friend, known her all my life. She has had a hectic year with leaving her husband, meeting someone else and is now engaged. Lots gone on and I have tried very hard to support her with daily conversations, child sitting, the odd bit of financial help, taking time off work to help her move etc. Anyway, with everything that has gone on we haven't really spent any time socially together as it's all been about managing her situation for around a year now.

Last week she invited me for a drink on Fri, said we will meet first and her new bloke will join us later. All great, booked the babysitter and taxi for Friday and looking forward to seeing her.

She called last night and told me four people from her work are going to pub straight from work with her and so will be there when I arrive and she has also invited several other people she knows. Her new bloke is also bringing some friends. As she is going straight from work she warned me she would have been drinking for a couple of hours before I arrive.

I was really looking forward to a quiet catch up with just her and the idea of all these new people getting drunk together doesn't appeal and it's just not my scene.

Aibu to think she should have maybe checked with me that it is ok before asking all these people? And wibu to just cancel rather than waste my money on taxis drinks and babysitter when I am pretty sure I am not going to enjoy it?

I struggle a bit with being socially awkward and the idea of walking into a pub full of people who my friend has invited really worries me.

Also, if I cancel, should I tell a white lie to get out of it, or be up front and say actually I was hoping for a quiet drink with just you and so don't want to come now?

I completely understand and you'd be quite right to cancel and say you look forward to meeting her 1-1 another time.
On the other hand, if you'd like to widen your social circle and make new friends, then this is a golden opportunity. Personally, I'd try to meet them earlier, while everyone is fairly sober and know that you can leave at 8pm for example, to lessen feelings of anxiety. It's much easy knowing that you can be at home in pyjamas with a cup of tea at 9pm. But perhaps knowing a few more people.

DianaT1969. It's all well saying if you'd like to widen your social circle then this is a golden opportunity and to go ahead, but with even any kind of anxiety this is not even an option. Even arriving early does not cancel out the apprehension of meeting random people. This is so misunderstood and very distressing to those dealing with it. her friend will have to understand this.

I don't have social anxiety and I'd cancel - due to the rudeness. It sounds like your friend has become so used to everything revolving around her for the past year, that she thinks it should be like all the time. Or was she rude and selfish before all this?

"i was looking forward to a quiet catch up just the two of us so i will give it a miss on Friday. Have a great evening and see you another time".

^^this

Cancel the babysitter or arrange a quiet drink with another friend.

It's very annoying that she changed the plans you made with you. A quiet catch up drink with one friend versus change to a big sesh with friends from work you don't know, who'll be drinking hours before you arrive = totally different evenings. She's become really self absorbed to not consider even discussing with you before she rearranged your plans!

I wouldn't feel any hesitation to say I'll rearrange seeing her another night when she's double bookee herself /made other plans - & I'd maybe stick to a midweek night at a quiet old pub or cafe nearer me (that she's less likely to want to hijack!)