To ask whether honesty is the best policy?

[firesong]

Recently I have been attracted to another man - I am in a long term relationship and we have a child. Nothing has happened with the man, but I have been preoccupied with it as I don't want to feel this way and I speak with him regularly in work.

My partner has noticed the emotional distance and has asked me whether I have met someone else. I said no, but would it be better to admit that I am attracted to someone or will that just upset him for no reason?

No don’t tell him but give yourself a big shake and stop fantasising about another man- and at work- total disaster written all over it.

Focus on your actual partner and child and quit daydreaming.

It's normal to have a crush on someone even when you're happy with your partner, believe me. But it would cause your partner so much hurt and distress if you confessed, so I would advise saying nothing
Keep your distance from other person as much as is possible,try to keep him out if your thoughts and the crush will die out I promise

No, don't tell him. That would be like trying to put out a fire by chucking more gasoline on it. Deal with this crush you have by giving yourself a good talking to and reflecting on what is missing/lacking etc in your life or relationship.

If you tell him and thereby alter the course of the relationship irreversibly this 'crush' will be the least of your worries.

Why are you distancing yourself from your partner?I can understand having a crush on someone is normal unless it is reciprocated and you are becoming emotionally involved.

Absolutely do NOT tell him.
You can never un-tell him, and your current crush will fizzle out in no time.

Telling him will say loud and clear you don't actually care about his feelings. He won't forget that.

Better questions:

Why are you emotionally distant?

Why are you attracted to this person?

What benefit would your partner gain from you telling him?

If you have specific problems within your relationship, talk about those problems. If the pazazz has gone, then YOU need to put work into getting it back. If your partner is no longer attractive, ask yourself why.

A good start would be doing something new and interesting with your partner.

Just to be clear, I have no desire to tell my partner!

I was looking for advice online and various counsellors advise telling your partner as this apparently can bring you closer together and remove temptation. It's not an appealing idea at all!

I'd look into the actual lives of the counsellors giving this advice. Probably not possible but still I'm intrigued!

On first glance it looks like a recipe for disaster in a long term partnership especially one involving children.

I'm going against the grain, and say the truth to him.
He clearly knows something is up, don't treat him as a fool. Trust your relationship enough to truthful without being hurtful.

You can say, I am distracted by someone and don't want to be, let's work through it. Why is your head not firmly in your relationship? Does your partner have his own issues he wants or needs to address?

You can use this as a way to strengthen your bond, through being open and trustworthy, and showing your partner that you trust them to be able to handle the truth.

I know everyone thinks this is crazy, but honesty and integrity matter n the long run.

You can be honest about your own behaviour being lacking without explaining you have a crush on someone else though.

I say this as a married for 20 years with 2 grown kids military wife

Oatsbeans - I have - I have admitted to the distance and that it's me creating it. I have apologised.

I think there would be no hard and fast rule here. Hence my posting about surprise at the counsellors' advice

People have different levels of insecurity, it's clearly worked out for the poster above. I remain sceptical about how it whether it would pan out for me.