School sending DS home

[upsideup]

DS(9) has been sent home for the 3rd time since September today because he felt sick, I havent kept him off once because he hasn't actually been ill. Another child on his table had a nose bleed and he felt sick from seeing the blood which he explained, the office said that he looked really pale and 'was sick' which meant he stood over the sink because he felt sick and spat to clear his mouth. He was better when I picked him up and didn't need to come home, I'm also expected to keep him off for 48 hours now. He's playing in the garden with the dogs and then I am going to take him clothes shopping with me, he's definitely not ill.

In Y3 and Y4 he was probably sent home 10 times each year from feeling sick, I don't remember him ever actually being ill. Blood and certain foods do make him feel ill, the school know this by now and know that other children wind him up by putting food on him and bloody tissues near him, nothing has been done about that.

He was also sent home this year for an injury that happened at the weekend, it was knocked and he cried and had to go to the office to calm down but by the time I was there he was fine and could have carried on in occasional minor pain. And of course I still get the letters and reminded whenever I go in that his attendance isn't great and we should do whatever possible to make sure he's in school.

AIBU to think the school should start listening to him when he says he only feels ill because of the blood/food and make some exceptions to sending him home when he's absolutely fine?

reply to those letters that its them who keep sending him home without a good reason

I had this the other day. dd sent home from school for being sick yet perfectly fine at home.

I have this with one of mine, he has ASD and is sick regularly.
Usually if he's got too hot, or cold, or it's too noisy or something has changed his default reaction is to vomit or think he's going to vomit. He was sent home regularly last year for feeling or being sick.

This year after a meeting with the head they now remove him from the classroom or wherever he is with a TA to a calm quiet place if he starts to get worked up. It seems to be working so far and he hasn't been sent home since and has eventually calmed and returned to the classroom or playground.
They've also allowed that he doesn't need to be kept home for 48hrs if he's been sick. Obviously this doesn't apply if he's actually ill! Could you try arranging a meeting with the school?

I think it doesn’t impact the schools attendance records if he is present for registration but then sent home by the school. Happy to be corrected if I’m wrong

I also have a DS who is sick when he sees his own blood (thankfully not other people's!). He's in Year 1 now and we have been really lucky with the school. They still phone me every time he is sick but if ut turns out that it's because he's grazed his knee (again!) then they are happy to let him stay.
Sorry to hear your school is not so understanding, and sympathies from a fellow parent of a puker!

It might not user but it's then two days off because he's been ill and school policy states...

OP I'd ask for a chat with head of year or whomever and make it clear if he FEELS sick he needs X so a cold drink, trip to loo to wash face etc but that if he isn't sick you will not collect him and he will go to school the next day. Also talk to them about the bullying they're ignoring and look at going up to governers etc if they continue to allow your child to be bullied

I think your first step would be to have a fairly firm chat with the school and tell them what you've told us here.

At present, it sounds as the school is (consciously or unconsciously) setting up a 'cycle of reward' for your son's behaviour. He is learning that if he exhibits behaviour A, then he will be rewarded with response B - i.e. being sent home, which, let's be honest, is generally better at being at school!

Could there be a reason for this? Are there any bullying or anxiety issues which you may or may not be aware of that perpetuate this and which would make him want to escape a situation? That probably needs investigating, too.

Secondly, if he is sent home against your wishes or advice (and assuming you've discounted any good reasons for wanting to leave school), don't 'reward' your son: if he's ill enough to be sent home, then he isn't well enough to play in the garden, or go on a shopping trip - being ill means going to bed and being quiet and still, so no mobile devices or other 'treats'. I realise this will be a massive PITA for you in terms of scuppering plans etc, but - again, assuming there are no underlying issues - he must realise that actions have consequences.

Lastly, your son sounds like a sensitive boy (which is a good thing!), but if he's getting very wound up by children doing relatively not-awful things like showing him foods he doesn't like etc, could you perhaps work on his resilience and how to walk away from situations that make him feel uncomfortable before he starts feeling ill or being sick? There are quite a lot of good online resources about how to do this.

Good luck, this must be very frustrating for you.

I used to get similar with DS. He had not done a solid poo ever! In reception and year 1 they were always ringing to say he had diarrhoea, but he was just opening his bowels in the toilet at school in a very normal way for him. I got there in the end with them, they stopped ringing me. IT did take a calm talk with the head when he had not actually 'appeared' ill in school though. I think until then, they thought I was just saying it because I could not be bothered to collect him!

We have explained to the school that he feels ill when he see's blood, he says that they don't need to phone me and that he just needs to sit out with have a drink before he goes back in. They phone me anyway not believing that he's fine and worring it could be something else so follow school policy just in case but I will go in to explain again.

I think your right user which could explain why they arent so worried about sending him home. His official attendance figures have never actually seemed that bad but we've still had letters showing how many lessons he's missing stating concern and we were told by his teacher last year that one of the main reasons he was struggling in maths was because he was finding it difficult to catch up.

My son got sent home at 11am because he felt sick. He was actually just starving - came home, ate lunch, then basically a second lunch.

The teacher said she basically freaks when anyone says the word 'sick' any they get sent home regardless of symptoms or not.

Brilliant

I wouldn’t take him home if I was sure he wasn’t ill, and if the receptionist or teacher tried to force the issue I’d ask to speak to the head and explain he’s not ill and needs to be at school.

I'd send him back tomorrow, or even after lunch if he was feeling well again immediately. With a note stating he wasn't needing the 48 hours out because he wasn't sick and you have explained many times previously, he feels sick and faint at the sight of blood, which is different than being ill.

Next time, just don't pick him up.

I will be sending him in tomorrow, he's been fine all afternoon and maybe I'll see what happens if I refuse to pick him up unless he's actually been sick or says he's actually ill.

ThistleAmore He isnt doing it on purpose and pretending to be ill to get out of school.