Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this normal behaviour DH?

20 replies

salterello1 · 16/10/2018 10:20

I’ve been with my DH for over 20 years so know each other quite well! We have a good relationship.

He’s recently started ‘drooling’ for want of a better word over me. He keeps trying to grab me and touch me and kiss me. He tells me all the time how much he loves me and fancies me.

This is good to know but it’s got to the point where he watches me get dressed and I find him looking and when I catch his eye he licks his lips and says phwoar!

He also keeps making innuendo with most things I say and sometimes follows me around the house trying to touch my boobs. I just find him incredibly annoying!

I’m wondering if he’s having some sort of mid life crisis? I keep telling him he’s being creepy and pervy but he says that he can’t help it if he ‘finds his wife irresistible!’

AIBU? or should feel flattered he still finds me attractive?

OP posts:
MinorRSole · 16/10/2018 10:43

I presume this is new behaviour? How old is he? Does he seem to have control over this behaviour?

Original poster
salterello1 · 16/10/2018 10:48

Well he’s always ‘had bouts’ of this type of behaviour - he says he can’t control himself- he’s late 50’s

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 16/10/2018 10:51

I thought above too. Sudden changes in behaviour can be a huge red flag medically so I would consider that first.

Secondly assuming he's fine in other situations, how firm are you with no? Is it an awkward giggle or is it a firm no, I dint like that don't do it? I'd talk to him calmly when you're both fully dressed.

Has the sex been lacking recently and he's read somewhere he needs to be more affectionate and complimentary and he's shit at it?

Troels · 16/10/2018 10:52

Tell him learn to control himself or you will be locking him out when you are dressing, washing, whatever. Tell him to stop acting like a perv it's very off putting and makes you want him less.

Biancadelriosback · 16/10/2018 10:52

Midlife crisis I'd say. He probably is worried about your relationship going dry so is trying to keep it sexual and fun. How's your sex life normally?

Original poster
salterello1 · 16/10/2018 11:00

I’ve told him I find it very unattractive and have been firm but he doesn’t stop.

No problem with sex life- but sometimes I feel he wants it more than me, I don’t think it’s to do with sex though -if I responded as if I was interested I’m not sure he would actually want to have sex, it’s just a bit of fun to him

OP posts:
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 16/10/2018 11:00

he says he can’t control himself

Yes he can, dirty old man.

I would find that horrendous and really unattractive.

Tell him that the more he does it, the less you want to do ANYTHING with him. What a turn off.

SleepingStandingUp · 16/10/2018 11:03

Tell him you're concerned that he has suddenly stated acting differently and says he can't control it so you spoke to the doctor and the doctor said he should come in for an appt as it could be neurological

Original poster
salterello1 · 16/10/2018 11:07

Yes I feel like he’s a dirty old man. If I suggested seeing the Dr he would find that sexy as he is attracted to our GP. He just tries to turn everything into it being sexy-and, well it’s just not!

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 16/10/2018 11:16

Ah OK so not GP. I was thinking more the shock of I'm worried you have a brain tumour / dementia etc rather than him disc using sex with two women.

Can he control it when other people are around? Is he otherwise acting normally? If so I would tell him very clearly that he is not to paw at you without you indicating its OK and you will not be having sex with him until he stops. The whole lascivious lip licking etc is very unattractive and if he does it again you will simy get into your nightdress away fromm him, and will not be having sex with him until it stops.

If that doesn't work I'd consider whether I want to be married to him. It's worrying that he doesn't listen to you saying stop, no, I don't like that and it would sing death knells for me

MinorRSole · 16/10/2018 11:19

It sounds exhausting. You say he's had bouts of it so I'm thinking it's just who he is, but it's really unusual to be so lacking in awareness. It's actually quite sexually aggressive behaviour and I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be able to live with that.
Do you think counselling would help - with a male therapist!

JaneJeffer · 16/10/2018 11:26

I thought Benny Hill was dead.

deydododatdodontdeydo · 16/10/2018 11:28

Sounds like he's maybe trying to rekindle a bit of what you had when younger, now passion has faded before it's too late.
Not attractive though.

Original poster
salterello1 · 16/10/2018 11:48

Yeah I told him he reminded me of Benny Hill (yuck) and he just thought it was hilarious!

He does every so often say ‘sorry’ and ‘please like me’, so then I feel sorry for him and it all starts up again. He did have CBT last year (for something unrelated), but even turned that into something sexual- he wanted me to feel ‘jealous’ he was talking to another female about his innermost thoughts. I did remind him she was just being paid to do her job but simply turned it into a conversation about him turning it into a sexual fantasy (I won’t go in to detail)!

Hopefully it will just pass soon and he can become focused on something else!

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 16/10/2018 12:36

I think you need to be consistent with your no. If he says please like me tell him you like him when he isn't touching you against your wishes and acting slimy. You like it when he tells you you look beautiful but not when he kicks his lips. You like then he cuddles you but not when he randomly gropes you. If he does anything you don't like tell him no and remove yourself from the situation - so bathroom to get dressed, out the front door if he's following you trying to touch you, spare room if he's doing stuff in bed etx

Laureline · 16/10/2018 12:51

He gropes and licks his lips? Grim. He really needs to work on his seduction technique (not being creepy would be a good start). Sorry you are going through this, OP.

OutrageousFlavourLikeFreesias · 16/10/2018 13:00

I'd definitely encourage him to see the GP. Disinhibition is a symptom of some quite serious brain disorders. And if nothing else, it might get through to him how inappropriately he's behaving.

SleepingStandingUp · 16/10/2018 13:20

Can you phone the surgery and ask if there's a male doc? Don't tell him who it is til he gets there if it helps

MysteriesOfTheOrganism · 16/10/2018 13:42

If this is persistent then it does sound rather gruesome and totally offputting. I agree with those who suggest it might indicate the onset of some kind of problem in the brain. But I was also struck by you reporting him as saying "please like me". Before this behaviour started, how were you interacting with him? Were you making him feel loved and desired? Could you maybe give him a bit of the attention he is clearly craving, while also setting firm boundaries around the excesses of his behaviour?

Saltypeanuts · 16/10/2018 17:51

Hmmm I think you should give him some of his own medicine. How about chasing him with a feather duster and making panting noises? With any luck he might run a mile!

New posts on this thread. Refresh page