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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think the school is over reacting

48 replies

averageisgood · 15/10/2018 21:11

to send a social worker to my home, because my phone is not receiving calls, although I can phone out. Apparently I am uncontactable should anything happen to my youngest ds, who is at a special school. They have other ways to contact me, and can also contact my ex, his father, who's number they have.
A social worker came to my home as I was preparing dinner, and trying to contain my youngest autistic son who is very hyper, and checked my phone. She finally believed me that I am not just ignoring the calls from school ( I had to text friends to call me to check my phone), but then told me she would be in contact tomorrow to see if I have sorted out my phone. Why is this such a massive safe guarding issue? It isn't in my control. I didn't even realise that people couldn't call me, I have been making calls on my phone and it works for this purpose. I can also send and receive texts. If they can't contact me, for what ever reason, they can contact the other parent.
AIBU to think this was a massive over-reaction? And a total waste of resources, which are apparently so scarce that there are not enough disability social workers to cope with the case load they have

OP posts:

unfortunateevents · 15/10/2018 22:10

How do they know they can't contact you by phone? Have they been trying? How long has your phone been unable to receive calls? On its own, this visit seems a massive over-reaction when resources are so stretched.

Jaxhog · 15/10/2018 22:16

I'm confused. You have a landline and access to alternative mobile numbers. Why don't they have these as well, if they need to contact you? Have you given these numbers to them? Especially the landline number.

Charmatt · 15/10/2018 22:17

It's a directive to all schools following the death of a child who starved to death after his mother died from an epileptic seizure. He was too young to open the door and wasn't able to get help. All children now need 2 telephone contact numbers, one of which MUST be the main parent or carer. Schools have no choice.

Our schools are chasing this up at the moment and it takes a massive number of man hours to do it, but recommendations after a serious case review have to be implemented.

Charmatt · 15/10/2018 22:20

This is the link:

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/uk-news/2017/jun/08/boy-4-died-alone-in-hackney-flat-two-weeks-after-his-mothers-death

April2020mom · 15/10/2018 22:20

If you do get a diagnosis look at the medication and therapies available to support you. Respite care is always a good idea. Insist on a social worker sitting down with you for a discussion about it. Make sure that you have your questions answered as well. I’ve found that emails and phone calls from me pay off dividends in the long run. I’ve squeezed my way onto waiting lists and insisted politely to see a specialist at hospitals.

MongerTruffle · 15/10/2018 22:37

Are you sure you haven't got Do Not Disturb turned on?

BewareOfDragons · 15/10/2018 22:42

What on earth do they think people did before mobile phones? If you weren't home or in your office, for whatever reason, messages would be left or people would have to fucking just call back! Or try someone out on the list!

I think that's outrageous that someone actually drove to your house and made you 'prove' you weren't ignoring them, frankly.

CageyBee · 15/10/2018 22:42

A school would not have the authority to do this so there is more to this.

Blueemeraldagain · 15/10/2018 22:46

I was going to link the same case as Charmatt. The poor boy involved had ASD so I think SEN schools (I teach in one) are especially anxious at the moment.

snowone · 15/10/2018 22:49

New regulations came in to force from September 2018 in the revised version of keeping children safe in education. A minimum of 2 contact telephone numbers are required at all times by law. Personally I wouldn't like to be non contactable by my DD school and would leave an alternate phone number or find a way in which school could contact me

Charmatt · 15/10/2018 22:50

Our local safeguarding board has sent out advice that all schools will be regarded as negligent if they don't have 2 contact numbers.

Original poster

averageisgood · 15/10/2018 22:53

That is such a sad case, I had no idea, I guess the school aren't over reacting then. But social isolation is common, so it can be difficult for some parents to provide alternative emergency contacts. Not everyone has family, and it can be difficult to keep up with friends, and have a social life.
Apparently the school were just checking my number, no actual reason to contact me. Although in light of the new guidelines, I suppose it is just procedure.
I do sometimes worry about what would happen to my children if something happened to me like that. But I'm lucky and have NT children that can handle an emergency.

OP posts:

SuburbanRhonda · 15/10/2018 22:57

If you need action to fix it then phone the school every 10 minutes for a day just to check they didn't try to get in touch. Pretty sure it'll stop being a problem.

I know! Safeguarding children - so inconvenient for parents!

Maryann1975 · 15/10/2018 23:13

Surely if the school have spent a couple of hours trying to contact you about something non urgent like this, they should send a paper or verbal message/note home with your dc for you to get in contact and not send a social worker (who I keep being told are massively over stretched with their workloads and two of the sw I know off with stress) to check up on you. Massive waste of their time unless their are other issues you haven’t mentioned. Presumably a Word from the teacher at home time and it could have been sorted out easily in the office.

tillytrotter1 · 15/10/2018 23:16

So the law now requires people to have phones? I realise that it's highly unlikely that they have no phone but it isn't beyond the realms of possibility.

ExFury · 15/10/2018 23:24

Sorry but even in light of the safeguarding the school have been ridiculous by not calling the landline. Yes if you can’t get a hold of the parent at all you do something, but you have to try ALL of the numbers you hold first before going to such efforts. It would have been a hell of a lot quicker to call the landline than to call SS

greenlanes · 15/10/2018 23:29

....or signals. In my home I have to mostly use the landline as mobile signal is so dreadful. I live in South East not far from M25 so not in the middle of nowhere!

rosablue · 15/10/2018 23:35

But even if your phone was working, there are times when you won't answer it or it won't be working... For example - if you go to the gym and it's in your locker. Or to the supermarket where there's bad reception. Or it's on charge and you pop to the loo so don't hear it ring. Or you have bad reception where you live so you can get calls when you're upstairs but not downstairs. Or you're driving and you don't want to get points on your license by being on the phone (let alone not wanting to be distracted by being on the phone and driving at the same time). Or one of any number of similar situations that are perfectly innocent but can happen all in a day (the ones above listed certainly have all happened to me more than once this week although I haven't made it to the gym yet, the intention is there

All of which means that I could easily miss several calls in a day, and I don't madly check my phone at other moments. If school can't get through to me I expect them to phone one of the other contact numbers they have for the dc - dh works from home so he may well be in meetings for hours over the day, my mum is around but also likely to be out playing golf or meeting friends or helping out with stuff or away - and while she has a mobile, she can use it to make outgoing calls, and answer calls she knows are coming in so she has it to hand but has no clue how to retrieve messages and does everything through her home phone. It's not trying to be difficult but it does sound like the school took an overly heavy approach to dealing with this, maybe if they had sent notes home via the child, called the other contact numbers and asked them to check and so on first, it would be justified but not as a first response to getting no reply!

Elephant14 · 15/10/2018 23:46

My DD's school insist on ringing her dad, all the time, despite having my mobile and landline number, then when he doesn't answer (which is most of the time) that's it. They seemed bewildered when I asked them why they didn't try another number - as if that was an offensive and ridiculous suggestion.

Welshmaiden85 · 16/10/2018 00:14

I agree it’s an overreaction as they haven’t made reasonable attempt to contact you. If they needed it straight away they should have sent a member of admin staff round with a note through the door or even knocked on the door. Is the social worker based at the school? If so, that sort of explains it.

They are panicking because a little boy with special needs died and it was truly awful. Nevertheless, I would firmly and politely complain stating that you fully appreciate and are glad they are ensuring your son’s wellbeing but here are some better ways you could have sorted this issue.

Catsatrophe · 16/10/2018 00:26

I have a ton of crap experience of this:

eg.

Vomiting child - projectile sick on carpet and diarrhoea: call mum's mobile, it's a dead line (she hasn't updated the school with a new number.)

Try dad's mobile; it's a dead line (he and mum have split up but apparently share share one mobile between them )

Try next numbers on the list: aunty's landline; no reply and can't leave a message (no mobile no. given to school)

Granny; no reply on landline and can't leave a message (no mobile no. given to school)

Best friend: leave a message on landline (no mobile no. given to school)

So we have a very sick child, with a sick bucket and extremely upset, who a member of staff sits with away from everyone.

We finally had a phone call from the BF about two hours later.

The school takes a very dim view of this. It's not fair on staff, resources or more importantly the sick child.

The great thing about modern times, is, we DO have mobiles. Saying 'what did we all do before mobiles were invented ffs???...back in my day there were no mobiles ffs...' etc etc is a bit like saying 'we didn't have a cure for smallpox back then and everyone managed...'

It's simple: give your ds' s schools two or three rerliable contact number. Work. Mobiles. Exes, step-parents, grandparents..... then the school can ring, and stop wasting staff time and resources chasing up.

Welshmaiden85 · 16/10/2018 00:31

I wouldn’t want my sick child in school when they should be at home, like any responsible parent but it’s frankly totally unrealistic to expect to ALWAYS get hold of someone within two hours.

I’m a teacher. If I’m teaching a class I won’t answer my mobile and the office line may well be busy. When I was at school we had a full time welfare officer. This is possible. You are understaffed due to Tory cuts and parents are sending possible ill children in more often due to worse job security and draft school absence policies. Don’t blame the parents- it’s misdirected.

clairedelalune · 16/10/2018 05:21

As catsatrophe says. I sat in a hospital in Austria on a school trip once trying to get hold of parents of badly injured child who needed flying home. Eventually person 4 answered the phone to tell me parents had taken opportunity of child on school trip to go to carribean for a week. It tooks us (me and fam friend) another 24hours to get hild of them.
This won't have been tried once and no answer, but tried several times, probably over a couple of days. Did they try the landline too? As social care already involved, not unusual for them to attend instead of school; school need to send at least 2 members of staff (for own protection) while sc knowing the case/family can send one person. Better to quickly check all's ok than for it not.

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