Parents evening..

[hungryhippo90]

So parents evening was tonight, my daughter is in year 6, so I met her new teacher for the first time.

The other parents I speak to haven’t had a good impression of her, and for that reason I really wanted to like her, until now I’ve liked all of DDs teachers in this school.

So when we start talking I do say DD is finding work challenging, which I know most of the children are, she starts to say that the work has been covered in KS2 so she shouldn’t be struggling, at which point I say, well, maybe that’s some of the problem, DD has had quite a lot of absence, given frequent throat infections, she had the flu, had scarlet fever, and had her tonsils out, but so far this year and the second half of last year her attendance was impeccable,

In fact, the only time DD had off last year was when she had her tonsils out last September (impeccably bad timing as they were taken out 3 weeks into term which meant two weeks off for recovery, she was sent home with a sickness bug which meant they didn’t want her in for another two days. And she had the flu.

Always Drs notes bought in, always backed up with some sort of evidence, whether it’s paperwork or proof of medications etc.

And I know I read into things A LOT, but I feel a little judged.

I don’t want to turn it into a big thing, but also I feel like maybe either the teacher has realised DD struggling and played it down, or that maybe they were gossiping.... really hoping that a teacher may swing past and tell me that if they were gossiping, or being negative that she wouldn’t have let on the conversation that they had about DD.

But then she also said “and I’ve noticed DDs speech impediment but I can understand her” and I felt I had to explain that DD has a problem with her lower jaw being further back than it should be which has caused the issue, and she’s undergoing assessment for professionals to decide whether she can have a functional appliance or whether she’s going to need an operation to correct it, so yes, the unclearness in her speech is because of a health problem, another that I couldn’t really help, because I didn’t even know I had the same sort of thing, just not as prominent.

I feel like complete rubbish, and completely judged as a parent.

I don't think anything you've said really points to teachers gossiping or judging you as a parent. Maybe the teacher could do with brushing up her social and communication skills but it seems, from what you've said, that it was factual rather than personal. Try not to overthink it or you'll worry needlessly 💐

Sorry I missed out my problem as I was focusing on all the other stuff.

Her reply was “I was being told about this by xxxxx the other day” which seems innocuous enough, but it feels a weird sort of reply and it has made me feel judged

DDs attendance has been 100% this year.

Durham, thank you. I managed to miss the bit that has got me thinking, but I do think I am probably overthinking it and worrying without much need!

I think it's your paranoia. She's telling you she's aware of the history so she understands her background and not to worry about her speech because she can understand her.
Unless there's a snooty tone I think you're being defensive because you love your daughter and feel protective and want the teacher to think she's awesome and instead she's just like yup, I know.

I think you're reading too much into this. Maybe said teacher could be more tactful and personable, would this have addressed your concerns? Really though, try not to worry. 

I think you’re being sensitive. If she wasn’t DDs teacher last year then she will have asked other teachers about stuff like attendance. And there is a culture in schools now of recognising that poor attendance does set pupils back in terms of attainment. Did your DD do catch up work while off? Did the school offer any?

I still don't get what you are upset about?

You say your DD is behind and then discuss the reasons for that and how her attendance has improved (all good) and she says she has noticed a speech impediment but can understand your DD?

Sleepingstandup- I think you’re 100% right. Her tone was fine.

I think you are projecting here. You are sensitive about her absence and illnesses and imagining the teacher judge you.

I quite often have conversations with my daughter's current teacher which have the "oh yeah I was told that by X the other day" in (previous year's teacher). Don't think at all it was gossiping - just passing on information and DD2 is a pretty complicated bag of issues for what, on paper, looks like a fairly simple profile of special needs (she doesn't present typically for what she's diagnosed with in a fair few cases and her speech problems sometimes have her speech therapist bemused by how well she compensates for some parts of them). Just fecking wish the current teacher would listen to and take on board more of what her colleague's telling her instead of assuming she knows her better!

DD2's attendance percentage at the moment is shit - below the "snotty letter" official threshold but every single absence has been for a medical appointment, evidenced to the office and for the bare minimum of time in the day so school thankfully haven't been that ridiculous about it.

Oh, OP. You're one of those. You set up a lovely AIBU. And then acknowledge you probably were a bit U, and turn out to be super-reasonable.

I'm a teacher, and have certainly probably been tactless on occasion. But it sounds like your teacher is thinking about your child, and trying to work out any particular problems, which should be good going forward.

Thanks simply steve,

Miss Susan, the other member of staff has t as far as I’m aware taught my DD, no extra work set, I did ask, I just got her to read and tried to help her go further with homework than it asked for but I generally had no idea what to do.

Quick poll, im just over analysing it, I think just in my mind it was just the xxxx told me and I thought. But why? Where does that come from and it’s spiralled, quite silly of me I think. I’ve had some good ideas on how to get DD caught up, which we will be implementing as of tomorrow

Teachers don't gossip about students having time off. They explain to one another that that student may struggle because they had a lot of health issues last year.

Saying that she has noticed your daughters speech but understands her shows that she is aware that your daughter may struggle to be understood but wanted to know that she understands her so she won't be left out.

Silver lining- the sort of thing I definitely needed to hear, just like the others. Thank you.... I think I just needed to read it!

Steak bake- I dread them flipping letters. I really do, but the school always said, they’re coming out, expect one, but we know your circumstances...we have proof of everything to show ofsted if they have an issue! It really messes with me trying to do everything right and I know there’s judgement from people who don’t know the ins and outs. Hope DDs teacher starts to listen soon.

Matilda- sorry! Thank you, yeah I think this teacher will be great in moving forward, she had some great directions and I had some ideas that she said she was supportive of.

SD- another thing I needed to read. I’m so glad I made this post, there was me feeling judged and she may have just been trying to show that she’s an involved teacher wanting to go the extra mile for DD.

OP she might have just been asking another teacher who knows your daughter why she might be struggling with work covered last year. Eg Current teacher: little HH is a bright child but seems to be struggling with xyz, which is odd as it's covered in year five but it seems more like it's the first time she's properly covered it, wasn't she in your class last year. Teacher 2: oh yes, poor thing had some ill health last year and had to have her tonsils out so missed a fair bit in term one. Not gossip, relevant information sharing, so current teacher knows how to help her progress.

Honestly though - I've been on both sides of it (I was/am... well kind of - if I ever get some bloody supply work starting up again... a teacher and now I've got a child with SN and I've had to be "that parent" a bit this year already to make sure provision was continued) and the staffroom conversations are usually along the lines of X's name being mentioned and a colleague saying, "oh yeah, I don't know if you know all the background but..." and filling you in on the bit that didn't make it into the transition between year groups paperwork.

Nowt more than that.

I get it though - I do worry that DD2's current teacher's been annoyed about me making sure that the little things (and none of them are anything hard-to-do for a teacher cos I made sure of that) that DD2 has in place are actually done... but then I give myself a mental slap around the face and remind myself that if they're the sort of person who gets annoyed at a polite request to make sure that a child uses a pencil they can actually hold onto - then do I really care if they're pissed off?! And I'm sure they're not really!

I guess the speech comment was meant to reassure you because it's the number 1 thing we worry about isn't it (DD2 has a few speech problems) that people can understand them. Possibly clumsily worded but well meant is how I'd take that.

OP- the way MrsStrowman has described it is generally what happens in school staffrooms. It’s not bitchy, just teachers sharing what they know to work out what is going on with a child.

I do think that it is not on of school to not provide any work for a planned absence of longer than a week. See if the teacher can suggest any good revision guides or catch up books.