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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to go and see the parents?

15 replies

salterello1 · 15/10/2018 18:52

My Son (14) is having a few problems with another boy at school. They don't like each other. There have been a few instances where the other boy has pushed and shoved him and last week he snapped his head phones and broke them. Today he threw a compass at my son narrowly missing him.

I'm understandably really cross and upset. I know school need to deal with this but I feel as this other boy has ADHD it seems his behaviour is acceptable, but to me it's not.

This family live around the corner from me. AIBU to go around and chat to the mum of the other boy?

OP posts:

spacefighter · 15/10/2018 18:52

No leave it to school to sort.

KC225 · 15/10/2018 18:53

Agree with the above poster, let school sort it out.

Aquamarine1029 · 15/10/2018 18:54

Confronting the parents would be a HUGE mistake. Have the school handle this.

Original poster

salterello1 · 15/10/2018 18:56

But I've already complained to the school and feel they are overlooking this as the boy has ADHD, I understand maybe he has problems but my son is upset and it's affecting his school work.

OP posts:

IAmBeyonceAlways · 15/10/2018 19:05

Have you spoken to them face to face? If not make an appointment with head of year, not just email or phone. It is unacceptable if they do not sanction the other boy. My son has ADHD and I would expect the same discipline if he behaved inappropriately as his non ADHD brother would get

Original poster

salterello1 · 15/10/2018 19:09

It's not so much about the other boys punishment - my son has said he's been suspended. But he's always getting suspended. I want to know why this other boy has such an issue with my son. It's really getting us down

OP posts:

Thenewdoctor · 15/10/2018 19:10

You need to leave it to the school.

Going round won’t help.

Feefeetrixabelle · 15/10/2018 19:10

I think if there is another attack against your son I’d consider reporting it to the police not the school.

Puddingmama2017 · 15/10/2018 19:14

Hard as it is don’t make it personal. The boy has been suspended. He has consequences to his actions. Going round there won’t answer the questions you have as no answer will be good enough. Leave it to the school to deal with him.

MadameButterface · 15/10/2018 19:15

honestly, I don't know what you expect the parents to do that school cannot. if he has adhd, any sanctions at home will be ineffective as he will struggle to connect them with his earlier behaviour at school. if you feel like he is targeting your son you need to pull the school up on their bullying policy and ask that they implement it. if you feel that your son is unsafe at school, you need to take them to task about this. the boy's parents can't control his behaviour in school. you could inform school that unless they get their shit together, you will be involving the police in any future incidents of assault, criminal damage etc. but honestly, do not involve the parents.

Secretsquirrel252 · 15/10/2018 19:17

Don’t talk to the parents. It’s very unlikely to do any good and quite likely to make things worse for your DS.

Contact the school. Keep contacting the school. Ask them what they’re doing in terms of safeguarding your DS. Use the example of the compass.

Don’t talk about the boy’s SN. They can’t talk to you about how they’ve punished him. They can and should be able to talk about how they will ensure your DS feels safe in school.

LolaTola · 15/10/2018 19:19

Are you friends with the boys parents? If not, I'd stay away. You are only hearing your sons side of the story. Keep escalating to the school and deal with it that way.

lalalalyra · 15/10/2018 19:22

Don't go round there. You need to push the school - not about what they are going to do with the other boy, but what are they going to do to keep your son safe.

Don't let them fob you off. They have a duty to keep your son safe.

ChocolateChipMuffin2016 · 15/10/2018 19:26

My sister got quite badly bullied at school. My mum went to the school and spoke to them about it a few time but nothing changed. It was only when my mum called the police and they went and spoke to the boy involved that it finally got better.

madmum5811 · 15/10/2018 19:30

Two boys at our primary school were badly behaved, the parents were fobbed off all the time one parent had to remove her child because he was being picked on. Fast forward to secondary school their behaviour escalated in and outside of school culminating in them beating up another pupil on a Saturday outside a shop in town in front of the childs parents. This time the police were called. The police heard the history of this pair and contacted the school. At last something was done to curb their behaviour they were removed from lessons for a time. At 15 one was finally expelled which shocked the other one into behaving at long last.

I would have a chat with the police.

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