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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be sick of DPs attitude to his health

21 replies

Oopupsideyourhead · 15/10/2018 17:43

DP has high blood pressure- 160/100 earlier - he takes tablets but not properly or regularly. My 6 year old was crying earlier because she doesn’t want her Daddy to be ill.

DP has made fuck all lifestyle changes- does no exercise, drinks really strong coffee and is overweight.

Any attempt to talk about it results in a row. He’s an absolute selfish dick.

Aibu to think he’s manchild who doesn’t seem to give a shit about the impact this has on the kids?

OP posts:

Singingtherapy · 15/10/2018 17:53

Keep your 6 year old out of the arguments for a start. She didn't know that high BP was serious until she heard you arguing about it. Then be nice to your DP, don't belittle him or criticise him. Show him love and he'll be more likely to want to make the changes himself.

5SecondsFromWilding · 15/10/2018 17:58

I think the pair of you need to behave like grown ups and stop having these conversations on front of your 6 year old.

Original poster

Oopupsideyourhead · 15/10/2018 17:59

It’s been 5 fucking years and I have been more than supportive. I regret DD overhearing us but I am tired of it

OP posts:

5SecondsFromWilding · 15/10/2018 18:03

No buts. You've behaved quite appallingly within earshot of your child, modeled really poor relationship dynamics and seem to be under the impression that losing your rag with someone will motivate them to get healthy. It's an astonishing lack of thought and insight.

Iputthescrewinthetuna · 15/10/2018 18:04

Not as tired as your DD is of hearing it. Im not being nasty, I am talking from experience. My DDs dad has kidney failure and a failed transplant. Children are resilient but parents health sits heavily on them.

Your DP should try to help his health! Don't argue about it though, like with most people when they feel nagged they won't change! I am not saying you are nagging, but arguing about it will not help.

I know it is frustrating on you! It isn't nice when a partner isn't well. Feel free to vent on here, but try to keel calm IRL.

feathermucker · 15/10/2018 18:07

Keep the child out of it. A 6 year old shouldn't be crying because she's worried like that, irrespective of how long this has been going on for.

Speak to him when she's not there. Time for an ultimatum.

RayRayBidet · 15/10/2018 18:09

OP I hear you, my dad has high BP and also won't take his medication properly. This led to him fainting three times and cracking his head open. He won't see the doctor for medication reviews, won't discuss it. He is bright red in the face and falls asleep all the time.
He has made lifestyle changes but thinks he doesn't need the medication because of it.
We've tried everything to convince him to deal with it but he just clams up.
I don't know what to suggest.
I agree that you shouldn't involve the kids though as it upsets them and that's not fair on them.

comeasyouare1 · 15/10/2018 18:17

Sometimes kids over hear things, it happens you can't shield them from everything. What's more important is trying to reduce her anxiety now. It's frustrating watching someone on a path of self destruction especially when you love them, but battling with them doesn't help either of you. Can you calmly get across to him why you're worried and from a caring position? Ultimately it's his decision to make lifestyle changes or not, and I know, it's horrible to watch

florenceheadache · 15/10/2018 18:19

Have you asked him any pertinent questions; like why he doesn’t take them? If it’s sexual side effects he might be too embarrassed to speak to his physician?
Is it remembering? There are apps? Can he leave tablets out on the bathroom counter etc.
Are you married, does he have a will in place. If he has a stroke what care facility and what level of care would he prefer? Does his physician know his wishes.
If everything has been discussed, then leave him to it.

Original poster

Oopupsideyourhead · 15/10/2018 18:20

I’m honestly at the end of my tether hence the row. I feel awful that DD heard it but DP has done nothing at all. Even the doc told him to buck up and think of his kids but he hasn’t listened- I have had enough and so we did row innapropriately yes but after all this time, I find it hard to control. His Dad died at 50 from it

OP posts:

Whyohsky · 15/10/2018 18:23

It’s not the end of the world for kids to hear their parents row once in a while. Ignore the Perfect Peters upthread. I’d be upset in your position, OP. The question is, what are you going to do about it? Is it a dealbreaker?

RayRayBidet · 15/10/2018 18:24

I would change tack and have a review of finances. Say you want to make sure life insurance is up to date etc so you and DD will be OK when he has a stroke.

funnylittlefloozie · 15/10/2018 18:28

I agree with Rayray. Stop trying to talk him into health. Focus on getting adequate life insurance in place, write your wills, make sure you and DD will be provided-for... and then stop talking to him about it.

Original poster

Oopupsideyourhead · 15/10/2018 18:28

He can’t get life insurance- we aren’t married either- I don’t want to be his carer tho- he can fuck off! Sorry to sound harsh but I am so sick of it

OP posts:

Observatorycrest · 15/10/2018 18:31

I agree with RayRayBidet make sure your financially secure with or without him and he is well insured

Observatorycrest · 15/10/2018 18:32

sorry x post. Didn’t realise he couldn’t get insured. Are you financially secure?

florenceheadache · 15/10/2018 18:48

Life insurance is possible but the premiums will reflect his condition.

DollyWilde · 15/10/2018 18:50

My uncle died due to a lax approach to taking his BP medication sorry OP, don’t want to scaremonger. But it makes me so sad when people don’t do what they can - this stuff is preventable.

busybarbara · 15/10/2018 18:53

I don’t want to be his carer tho- he can fuck off!

Not sure this relationship has much further to run

MyNameIsArthur · 15/10/2018 19:29

My DP was diagnosed with high blood pressure and chronic kidney disease around 8 months ago. She was advised to lose weight so we dieted together and we have both lost over 2 1/2 stone. Her blood pressure is now in normal range and her kidney function has improved. Our diet has simply been reducing portion size with meals and limiting snacks plus eating plenty of vegetables. We also do more active things together like walks. To be sustainable it is more about the diet being part of a life style change rather than s temporary reduction in calories. It is something we can do together.

Therefore my advice would be for you all to do this together as part of a life style change. I was also getting lots of migraines over a long period of time and changed to decaffeinated coffee thinking they may possibly be to do with my coffee intake.

You could take steps to ensure there is only or mostly healthy food in the house, swap the coffee to decaffeinated and see if he notices, keep cake, biscuits, snacky stuff to a minimum, and say things like lets all go for a walk in the park this afternoon for example.

Of course he is an adult and should be mature enough to look after his own health. If he refuses, then I guess you either let him carry on as he wants to but take steps to protect your future financially if there is a good chance of him dying young. Or you reevaluate your relationship and future together and what is acceptable.

RayRayBidet · 15/10/2018 20:21

Why can't he have life insurance? Because of his BP?
Bloody hell.
YANBU

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