To be "friends" with male colleague and not expect "gossip"

[fermerswife]

To cut a long story short for the last 12 months I have been the only female in an office with 3 other male colleagues.

I have developed a friendship with one of these men in that we have a laugh and banter and just generally get on well.

We are both happily married with children and there has never been any suggestion of anything inappropriate. I have met his wife and family, we don't message outside work go for lunches etc etc. It is an office friendship in the same way I would be friendly with a woman but there aren't any in our room - I am friendly with other females in the wider office to the same extent.

My AIBU is that two individuals (one male one female) refer to us as the lovers and other totally inappropriate terms and it is really winding me up (he just laughs and says let them think what they want). AIBU to think that it should be possible for a man and woman to be friendly without it.always having to turn to sex? Surely that cannot be unreasonable in this day and age? Why should I have to distance myself from someone because of office gossips.

YANBU I work with both men and women and some of my closest friends there are men. We laugh and joke, know about each other's lives and also go out regularly for coffee/lunch etc.

The guys are married and I am in a committed long term relationship with DP. There is nothing untoward in these friendships at all on wether side and fortunately no one at my workplace thinks so either.

It's ridiculous to think that men and women can't be platonic friends.

Either not wether

You don't have to distance yourself.

Idiots will be idiots about anything and everything.

You have no responsibility to moderate your behaviour based on them giggling behind their hands like fucking children.

Tell them to grow up and get stuffed, and keep being friends with the guy.

Maybe you are being a bit cliquey/excluding others and they are jealous? Office friendships shouldn't have obvious favourites - try and include others in your chats and the accusations will stop

I had this with a male colleague. We sometimes went for lunch in the work canteen, sometimes with others and sometimes just us. Same as you - were friends, happily married, no messaging etc. Someone else referred to it once as a date and it made me so angry. That’s how stupid rumours get started.

It’s dangerous, damaging and immature. I’m getting cross again thinking about it.

Op- I would be tempted to mention it to HR / manager. I think is completely inappropriate to have to be under that sort of gossip.
I would try to ask them to mention it in a way you are not singled out afterwards...
what industry do you work on if you do not mind mentioning?

You have no responsibility to distance yourself from your work friend.

Honestly I’d deal with this very directly. Send an email to both of the gossipers saying ‘your frequent suggestions that there is something more than being coworkers and friends between other guy and I are both incorrect and offensive and i’m asking you to stop making these comments’

You can’t let this continue, gossip spreads and it makes you look bad as well as being wholly unprofessional, it could impact your career in ways you can’t predict yet. And it’s harassment to spread untrue gossip about people at work. Get them to knock it off, practice your assertiveness!

If you go to HR they’ll simply ask if you’ve asked them to stop yourself. HR aren’t there to resolve disputes between coworkers, especially not at this level, they exist to protect the company from litigation. You need to address this directly and if that doesn’t work approach your/their boss.

You are not bu. Two of my best closest friends made at uni are men, both happily in relationships and I look at as brotherly types. Any suggestion of anything else gives me the ewww feeling.

Gossips will always gossip, try not to let their stupid idle crap get you down too much and just tell them to politely fuck off when they start their nonsense.

Also, you don't need to change or distance your friendship. It's on the others to alter their perspectives and curb their tongue. Don't allow them to see you're ruffled by this and ask them if there is anything in their life that's making them feel the need to be so rude?

Thanks everyone. I definitely haven't left anyone out we all generally get along and don't socialise at lunch or outside work unless in a group. I will have a think tonight I think next time a comment is made I am going to be upfront about it. The female who is making the remarks is known for being a bit of a gossip/trouble maker.

How about telling them that you don't like that joke and if their stupid joke end up huritng your relationsship with your husband, you will make a formal complaint. Slander is illegal, you know.