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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think DH should do something about his weight?

31 replies

Bestseller · 15/10/2018 16:00

He's not huge but he is overweight and it's all round his middle, which is the worst place for his health.

He doesn't see it as an issue and will continue to eat and drink as he chooses.

AIBU to think once you have dependants you should look after yourself a bit? Plus, you since he's gained the weight, he snores, which he never did when he was slim.

I get that it's not easy for some people to lose weight but he's not prepared to even clean up his diet a bit. Knowing how it affects those around him (me and DC) should he take responsibility and do something, or or is it his body to fill with junk as he sees fit?

OP posts:

EwItsAHooman · 15/10/2018 16:17

It's his body to do with as he sees fit. You can tell him you don't like it but it would be wrong of you to go on about it repeatedly and would probably make the issue worse if it's at all related to self-esteem. Losing weight is like quitting smoking, you need to be in the right headspace to do it and you have to want to do it for yourself rather than for other people, if you can't find your motivation (even when other people try to suggest what your motivation should be) then it's hard to make the required lifestyle changes stick.

It sounds as if the weight gain is recent, could there be underlying reasons?

busybarbara · 15/10/2018 16:19

I know someone who has put their DH on a "sex ban" until get gets under 20 stones. Just an idea. You'd be doing him a favour

EwItsAHooman · 15/10/2018 16:22

Just think how you'd feel if the situation was reversed and your husband was frequently pointing out that you're getting chubby around the middle, that you should cleanup your diet and take some responsibility, that he was putting you on a sex banuntil you reached a target weight decided by him. You'd feel pretty shit about yourself, I'm sure.

busybarbara · 15/10/2018 16:32

I wouldn't get that fat in the first place so it's a non point

Witchofwisteria · 15/10/2018 16:36

I think we need some perspective - how big is he?

knittingdad · 15/10/2018 16:41

Would your DH agree to see a neutral third-party (such as a GP) who could advise on the extent to which it is a problem?

EwItsAHooman · 15/10/2018 16:42

I wouldn't get that fat in the first place so it's a non point

Bully for you, you win the Empathy Medal for today.

DaphneDiligaf · 15/10/2018 16:47

**EwItsAHooman

I wouldn't get that fat in the first place so it's a non point.

How fat is that then?

busybarbara · 15/10/2018 16:49

With OP it's clearly enough weight to make them notice and also to start snoring so that's got to be a good few stones and probably pushing BMI up to 30 or more

MissSueFlay · 15/10/2018 16:51

Could you all clean up your diet as a family? So make some swaps that benefit everyone and not do anything 'special' for him. You could do this for the meals that you prepare for the family. If he's cooking then let him get on with it.
Has he put on weight recently? He might just be adjusting to not needing as much food as he gets older - I know my DH had a problem with just not needing as much food in his late 30s as he did in his teens and 20s. And once you hit 40s it's harder to shift too...

Original poster

Bestseller · 15/10/2018 16:55

On the scales it's about two stones but it looks more because it all in one place. It's been gradual over about 10 years.

I'm not feeling very sympathetic towards him as I've had no sleep (again) but also, years ago I asked him if he'd still love me if I got fat. His reply was "I won't let you get fat" which at the time I took as nothing less than I deserved for such a stupid question, but I but I've never forgotten. And I didn't get fat, I modelled a healthy diet and lifestyle for our children. The same diet he gets fed at home, so heaven knows what he eats away from home (actually credit card bill suggests McDonald's several times a week)

OP posts:

QueenDoris · 15/10/2018 17:10

Hire a tuba player to follow him around playing umpa music. That should get the message across.

MakeAHouseAHome · 15/10/2018 17:15

Bloody hell imagine if this was the other way round and the outrage there would be at even the suggestion!

Fatasfook · 15/10/2018 17:15

Start calling him fatty

ApolloandDaphne · 15/10/2018 17:18

I would be furious if my DH came on a forum to say i should lose some weight. Yes, in a perfect world i would not be overweight but he totally understands that losing weight isn't as easy at it might seem to those who don't struggle with their weight.

It is his body and his choice what he eats. The snoring isn't great but losing weight does not guarantee that will reduce. In our house it is my slim DH who snores!

AnonaMouse1 · 15/10/2018 17:20

yes make imagine!!

at an event this weekend most of the mothers with kids with them were all visibly overweight....op is saying overweight mothers are doing the kids a dis service!

Bluntness100 · 15/10/2018 17:20

He's only put on two stone?

TheOneWith · 15/10/2018 17:22

YANBU - he is knowingly putting his health at risk and he doesn’t give a crap how this affects his children or you. McDonalds is more important to him.

Belina · 15/10/2018 17:26

If its affecting his health and self esteem then yes but if not no.
I'm not a large person and I work out every day but I dont judge others who dont. Gym or eating healthily isnt for everyone if he is happy then leave him

Belina · 15/10/2018 17:30

McDonald several times a week is a bit much though cant lie op.
McDonalds is poison he needs to watch those YouTube videos on it
The thing is he is building up his cravings for junk because he eats it so often it's normal

If he likes burgers can you not make them for him from scratch or make the pattie and freeze them would be better than him eating that poison

Original poster

Bestseller · 15/10/2018 17:38

Yes, I sometimes make homemade burgers, it's what he eats at lunch (and between meals) when he's out of the house that's the problem.

OP posts:

Oblomov18 · 15/10/2018 18:29

YABU
A large proportion of the population is overweight.
Many women never return to their pre pregnancy weight.

If this was about a woman, from a man, the thread responses would be very different I suspect.

EwItsAHooman · 15/10/2018 18:32

If this was about a woman, from a man, the thread responses would be very different I suspect.

I think they'd be overwhelmingly in favour of LTB with a few "cheeky fucker" comments thrown in for good measure.

Oblomov18 · 15/10/2018 18:36

That's not what I've seen on such threads, woman re man, on MN in the last decade.

Ryderryder · 15/10/2018 18:42

So he is hardly obese op. Hope he never sees the thread.

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