to think NCT, instagram, etc are damaging for expectant mums?

[BornStar]

And I would also like to thank mn for offering a little reality.

I've spend the last few months watching beautiful childbirth videos, listening to the bs that was spouted at my NCT classes (some of it really was bs, not all, but some), reading about waterbirths, lovely MLUs etc.

I now know this isn't going to happen for me. I'm likely to be induced. Maybe c section. I'm gutted and feel like I stupidly, naively set my heart on something that was never guaranteed.

I know. I'm a fool.

AIBU to think a lot of people now fall in to this trap and that childbirth has actually been glamourised a little?

Silly me...

It's not guaranteed that you'll get the birth you want. But equally, reading stories about when it doesn't go to plan doesn't help you much either. Stay positive

Honestly, OP, I'm sorry you feel sad about your prospective birth, but regardless of whether or not they are pregnant, women should engage their brains and recognise that these images are essentially advertising, and have about as much of a basis in reality for many people as lifestyle blogs and ads where expensive cars driven by models whizz through an Icelandic landscape to electropop.

For what it's worth, having planned a waterbirth in a MLU, I ended up with a CS, and it was calm, lovely, and definitely the best way out in the circumstances for my DS. I've been fortunate enough to have good health all my life, so this was my first real brush with surgery, and it made me enormously grateful for medicine and for the NHS.

@Glorious whilst I agree to an extent, some women genuinely do have calm water births and I genuinely believe that being worried, scared and tense about labour makes it more likely that you'll end up with intervention and not having the birth you want. So OP, I'd encourage you to watch as many real positive birth stories as possible on YouTube and believe you can have that whilst keeping in mind that it may not be possible. Convincing yourself you're going to need intervention isn't going to help anyone.

There's a bit of a self-fulfilling prophecy: if you are told that an induction or section will be unpleasant then your expectations will colour your experience in an unhelpful way. I'm still glad that I read the chapter in Juju Sundin"s Birth Skills which includes positive stories of medicalised births. It helped me hugely to read this while pregnant and I am sure that it helped me to view my induction and EMCS in a positive light. I hope that you have a good birth and that meeting your child for the first time is everything you dreamed of.

I'm sorry you're not able to get the birth you want. I too am planning a natural water birth with no pain relief. People scoff at me when I tell them this even though it's my second and I know it doesn't always go to plan.
But.
All of my research, video watching, birth preparation etc is stacking the odds in my favour to have this type of birth. I'll be making active decisions to avoid anything that might hinder it. Like refusing induction.
I also think it's so very important that women are shown that birth does not have to be terrifying and painful. Because it doesn't have to be.

@AmazingGrace16 unfortunately with a failing placenta I don't have the option to refuse an induction, I don't think. I doubt it would be wise anyway!

Just feeling a bit out of control and sad that I won't get to experience going in to labour naturally (unless it magically happens before 38 weeks!)

I do think the information given about childbirth should be more realistic

I think you've hit the nail on the head. For me my first birth wasn't the way I wanted it because I felt out of control. All decisions were happening to me and I felt I had no choice or no say in what went on.
Have you heard of BRAIN to make decisions?
B- what would the Benefit of induction be
R-risk. What's the risk of doing it/not doing it
A- are there alternatives? A sweep and scans?
I-intuition. What's your gut telling you?
N- Is doing nothing an option?

It's a process that I've used a lot and has helped me to feel more empowered in my journey.
Also working out what exactly is important to you about the natural birth. For me I want to avoid instrumental delivery and be active. They are the two most important things for me throughout the birth. Once I'd established that it's been easier to adapt my alternative birth plan for induction if it comes to it.

It might be worth reading the chapter in the positive birth book on induction if that's the route you go down. Some very useful info in there.

YANBU. I also think it’s damaging to see photos of women with tiny bumps and zero stretch marks when 90% of women get them. And to see photos of perfect looking new mums with flat tummies who obviously have time to put makeup on and shoot photos.

My NCT group included a session where we walked through the process of an emergency c section and were told exactly what to expect. Since my DP had an emergency section it was hugely useful - it was traumatic enough and if we'd never had that NCT class I would have been completely unaware of how to support her, and she would have been even more scared.

I don't think the problem is the NCT. It might be your NCT group, though.

(And I do wish there hadn't been a constant message that induction is really simple and takes a few hours. But that was NHS more than anyone else!)

@snuggybuggy
I think it depends on where this information comes from. NCT was factual and informative for me. One born every minute is not and does not show the true spectrum of births.

I think we are very reliant on medicalising birth when it doesn't need to be. Yes things change and might deviate but for low risk women where things follow a straightforward pathway there still seems to be a lack of trust in more natural and less medical births. There are so many things that women can do stack the odds in her favour towards this type of birth if that's what she wants.

I think it's so important though that two identical birth experiences can be perceived by two separate women as very different. And that's all to do with how each individual woman views birth and her expectations.

Take having a larger baby. I know women who would feel safer and happier to have an elcs for this reason whereas others would deliberately choose a home birth to shorten stages of labour.

There is no right or wrong approach, it's just what is right for each woman.

I Would love to see more women empowered to make those choices through antenatal care though. Signposting to decent research about risk factors and encouraging women to make choices based on evidenxe rather than submitting to what one medical professional feels is best.

The positive stories are reality too though. You just have to remain open to all outcomes and remain informed of all of your choices. Just to say that I was recently induced for the second time and had a wonderful birth. No pain relief, dim lighting, tea lights set up, music playing, the whole works. It was incredibly positive. You could also opt for a gentle c-section if it’s something your healthcare providers are on board with.

This was my last child and I was kinda gutted that I didn’t have the whole natural beginning to labour. But it was quite nice having a relaxing breakfast in the morning and then strolling along to the hospital nice a calm fashion to have the baby. Just try and look at it in a positive way, how we perceive and think about things can have an effect on how our bodies work and having a positive frame of mind will do wonders for your birth.

I had my heart set on a waterbirth ended up being induced and an emergency csection it was a really positive experience for me and this was my worst case senario and I was terrified of it but it was all fine.

On the plus side name and my partner got to enjoy our last chid free day we went the Trafford Center and gout our baby a teddy bear and I walked a lot then went to ikea and walked a lot (I was hopeing to go naturally) then we went the cinema and went out for a nice meal and it was perfect. We also had a nice relaxing drive to the hospital

I promise you it will be fine good luck xxx

My second was a calm, peaceful, quick water birth... it was honestly amazing! My body just took over and I felt euphoric!

However, my first was long and exhausting and I had to have an episiotomy and was threatened with forceps as I had spent "too long" pushing. It was scary but once I held my baby I was on top of the world.

I want a third and would go for a water birth again if possible. If not, then I would go for an epidural as I think I was too exhausted with my first after 36 hours of contractions every 5 mins!

What I mean is that every birth is different and if you look.for positive birth stories despite the medical interventions then they will help to mentally prepare you for what night happen. It might be that you would like a planned section, this could be discussed with your consultant.

Research research research and ask your consultant questions.

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

I completely understand where you are coming from as I too am hoping for a medical free birth. But, if I don't get that and have to have an induction or C-section then I will focus on the wonderful positive....You are going to be able to meet your new little baby sooner than expected!! I can't wait to meet mine and if I have to be induced then that is a huge positive for me. Good luck OP and congratulations!!!

It's hard though because both these things are helpful to others...

Our NCT class was very balanced re pain relief and half of us were lucky enough to have water births in the MLU.

Equally instagram...I see glossy instagram stuff and enjoy it. I'm still young and interested in my looks even though I'm a mum. Some people do just 'bounce back' its just luck and body type.

Having said that I've had friends having horrible natural births and really positive inductions and c sections.
My latest friend to have a baby got induced and the whole thing only took a couple of hours (2nd baby)

After years of hearing horror stories about birth, I was terrified of labour and birth. If you'd have asked me even 12 months ago I would have said I wanted an ELCS.

Now, I'm due my first baby very soon and planning a home birth. The positive birth stories and a positive mindset have completely changed me and made me realise that birth doesn't always have to be a horror show.

Could I end up in hospital anyway, having a CS or induction? Of course, it's always a possibility which I am obviously open to if needs must.

No, not all births are whale music, birthing pool, drug free wonderful affairs. But neither are they all horrific, traumatic, horror movie shit shows either. If you go in with the mindset of "this is going to be awful", then yes, it probably will be!

Hope and plan for the best, but stay open minded should anything change and educate yourself of all of the options.

YANBU I feel just the same way!

I had my DD just 5 weeks ago, born by emergency c section after she became distressed during early stages of my induction which was recommended after 4 days reduced movement at 37+4 and I was terrified. And I felt guilty.

I still feel a little guilty and got a bit choked up the other day at the latest advert portraying mums holding their babies to their chests in their first moments since I didn’t get that until she was almost an hour old due to being stitched.

But she’s here. She’s alive. My placenta had almost completely calcified by the time she was delivered, so another week and I might not have been so lucky. It’s all about finding the positives, it doesn’t matter how the baby gets here in the end, because once they’re here all that’s forgotten and you seem forget what it was like without them.

You must have gone to a very different NCT group to me. At mine, every type of intervention possible was explained in great detail. I don't think it's wise to scare women shitless with worst case scenarios, but equally it's important to have informed choice. It's a delicate balance.

Don't feel bad about your labour - allow yourself to grieve a little for the birth you thought you might have, but in the long run it's a healthy baby at the end that is important.

@bornstar
I've just seen your other post. Please hold onto the fact that even in induction you have choices and you can have some control over your environment etc.

Same as @glorious - planned a home birth, but had induction, all the interventions, and emergency c section. It was wonderful, beautiful, calm.

I recommend looking up the Positive Birth Company. You can download their hypnobirthing pack for £35 and it includes lots of information on how to encourage a positive induction or c-section. It may not be the birth you had initially envisioned, but there are still plenty of things you can do to keep yourself calm, encourage the production of oxytocin and make the experience positive and memorable.

For what it’s worth, my first birth was an infuction with twins. I felt like all the stuff I’d sat through at NCT didn’t really apply to me. because it was very medicalised. I wish I’d had the hypnobirthing pack then because I think I would have been much calmer and a better advocate for myself.