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To feel like I've lost a big part of my life

10 replies

MRSMARMITE3 · 15/10/2018 00:02

Growing up there was 6 people in my family, my parents, two sisters and my aunt.
My dad died 14 years ago, my aunt died 2 years ago,one sister moved abroad and doesn't really speak anymore, my mum has possible dementia and my other sister has terminal cancer.
I've got my husband and our child, and his family, and my nieces and nephews but I lately am massively in mourning for my family as it's like everyone's gone. I realize this makes me sound massively selfish as it's much worse for my sister and mum. Just didn't expect to lose the majority of my family before I'm 40.I can't imagine having no one left from "my" family.

OP posts:
Johnnyfinland · 15/10/2018 00:09

I hear you OP. My family is my parents, no siblings and no one on my dad’s side (he’s estranged from his abusive mother) and two uncles and 3 cousins I never see or speak to. I don’t have a partner so no in laws. I know I’m lucky my parents are still here but I do worry about when they’re gone as really will have no one. Not sure what else to say other than I know how you feel

ValleyClouds · 15/10/2018 00:15

I sympathise OP

I am late 30s, single and childless
My older siblings are also single and childless

My relationship isn't close with either. One already lives abroad, the other is considering following suit.

I haven't had close bonds with my cousins since adulthood

I am facing the idea that in 15-20 years if things don't change, I could be one of those people who is alone at Christmas. It's grim. Sad

ValleyClouds · 15/10/2018 00:17

I used to feel like my family was massive and now it feels very sparse due to rifts in my parents generation

Singlenotsingle · 15/10/2018 00:19

Sorry to hear about your family OP. I'm in much the same situation. I had DM and f and one dsis when I was a child. No aunts, uncles or cousins. Went NC with my f. as soon as I got to 18, my DM died early and dsis died a few years ago. But, at the end of the day, that happens to all of us, and at least we've got younger family members - children, nieces and nephews. We have to look forward, not back. Hopefully, your dsis and DM will be ok for as long as possible. I was watching Prunella Scales doing her canals this evening in Italy - in her 80s with dementia, but still managing to lead a good life.

smallfootpercy · 15/10/2018 00:20

I hear you. DS has no grandparents and only one aunt due to deaths and rifts.

Justlikedevon · 15/10/2018 00:34

I get it. Our family was never big, but it meant a noisy, busy Christmas or similar event. Now, they are all gone. I worry terribly about my dd having so few people.

Imamouseduh · 15/10/2018 08:33

Have you thought about reaching out to your other sister, OP? She might be feeling the same. Sorry for what you are going through, it must be very hard.

ShatnersWig · 15/10/2018 08:39

Take some comfort from the fact that you have a husband and a child and in-laws, even if your only 'blood family' are an aunt and a sister you don't speak to.

I have my parents who I get on with but we aren't particularly close. I never wanted children so that's that. I'm a 44-year old man with no partner, been single 8 years, no brothers or sisters, so no nieces or nephews.

It's not a competition, but you actually could be far worse off. My Christmases are really shit! Smile

NWQM · 15/10/2018 09:15

Sending a big hug. It seems to me that it is no wonder you are mourning. You have suffered such loss and please don't under estimate the loss through dementia. Yes, awful for your Mum but hard for you too. And to be facing the loss of your sister. Please look at websites like cruse and Winston's wishes so that as a family you can come up with the strategies. The Alzheimer's Society also has some wonderful support including an on line forum. Please take self care of yourself. It is a turkey difficult time.

ChiaraRimini · 15/10/2018 10:56

I hear you OP. I used to feel I had a big family and now when my mum goes it will be "just me and my kidz". Extended family live far away and don't make the effort so I only see them if I travel to them. It feels as if my family just evaporated, sort of. I hope my kids marry and have families of their own so the tree expands below me.

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