Gosh, am I going crazy or am I being unreasonable? HELP!

[EmmaJayneSeaton]

So Im new to this but hoping you lovely lot can offer some words of advice. I suffer with chronic migraine (basically I have tension headaches and/or migraines everyday. Ive also recently been diagnosed with fibromyalgia so basically Ive been struggling quite a bit recently and am currently signed off sick. My partner has always drank alot and Ive told him recently how much I dislike it when he drinks as it makes me feel so lonely. He sits there drinking can after can, tries talking nonsense to me and I just get wound up coz hes slurring his words and talking rubbish to me before he falls asleep with a can in his hand or snoring from the beer. Oh and then he wakes up the next day feeling horny and wonders why I dont?! Whatever happened to any romance!
So he promises me he is going to pretty much stop drinking, for about all of a week! He is putting in extra hours at work at the moment to meet a deadline but he still finds time to go to the pub for 2 hours after work a couple of nights a week at least and he thinks i wont find out! I can always tell when he has had a drink. He also used our sons birthday to drink excessively which I find disappointing. He says that if I dont like it then I should leave. He also said that if I ruin this weekend he will be cross at me, like do I not have the right to be upset that he doesnt want to come home to his family!? It has now got to a point where I think that it is pointless discussing it with him as he thinks his behaviour is acceptable and I am starting to resent him. Is it so wrong that I want him to come home and spend time with his family, especially when I have been so poorly recently. Am I being unreasonable? What if it were the other way round and I was going to the pub after work?? Would he like it, I feel like I want to do it just to prove a point.

That sort of drinker very rarely changes unless they see it as a problem.

My partner has always drank alot and Ive told him recently how much I dislike it when he drinks as it makes me feel so lonely.

He’s always done it-unfortunately I’m not sure why you thought it would change when hard times came along.

Sorry you’re in this position. Are you married?

Yes, well - you going to the pub to 'prove a point' will prove nothing at all except that you can go to the pub I'm afraid. People who drink at a level such as this do not tend to modify their behaviour until either they are ready to, have to or are dead. Harsh, but true.
He sounds utterly awful to me - I find drunks incredibly boring especially when they're at the 'talking shit' stage and I don't think I could live like this. Do you see your future and old age repeating this every day?

I really dont know. I love my husband to bits, he isnt an agressive drinker or anything like that but it just makes me feel so lonely. I hate the smell of the beer on him, I hate to see him week from the beer I find it pathetic. I probably wouldnt mind so much if it were the both of us having a glass of wine together but its not like that at all. I have been with him since I was 18, I have a 12 year old and a 9 year old son with him. It would be such ashame to throw away what we have but he cant seem to understand why I am asking him to not drink so much. Ive said maybe limit it to 1 night a week but now he is going to the pub to drink instead. I know going to the pub would make me petty but thats how its making me feel, i feel like im going nuts trying to make him understand. Thanks for your comments x

It sounds as if your husband may have a drinking problem.

One thing you might consider is Al-Anon. This is a group based on Alcoholics Anonymous but it's for people who are affected by a loved one's drinking. I believe they emphasize the three Cs: you didn't Cause it, you can't Control it, you can't Change it. Your husband has to recognize that he has a problem and be prepared to seek help.

Im keen to learn whether anyone thinks I'm just being mardy and controlling over the drinking. My husband is quite a bit older than me and his friends and their wives/partners just accept the situation. Am I expected to accept the situation too because thats not who I am! I want someone who wants to finish work and come home to spend time with their wife and kids, not go to the pub like an 18 year old hanging out with friends. Id rather be on my own than be treated like that! Sorry about ranting, I havent really got anyone to talk to about the situation so really appreciate your feedback. X