To not get boy/girl parties?

[upsideup]

DD(4) has only really played with one boy at school who told her his mum said she couldn't come to his party as it was boys only which I thought meant he didn't want her to invite her and was just using that as an excuse but she's now been invited to a play date on her own the day before because they 'thought it would be easier to just do a boys only party this year'. DD's upset that she can't go to the party and doesn't get to see him on his birthday and from what she's told me her friend is upset she can't be there too.
I'm tempted to reply saying that if there's room dd would love to come to the actual party and wouldn't be bothered if its just boys there but that seems too obvious and I'm struggling to believe his parents actually don't think she should come rather than just not wanting her there .

She's also been given invites in the past few weeks from two girls, one who she was quite mean to in the first few weeks and the other who she doesn't think even exists. Shes definitely doesn't play with either of them so I'm guessing shes just been invited because she's a girl and they are 'girl parties'.

I've never understood the rule of not leaving out 2/15 boys or girls, surely that's fine if your child doesn't play with those two children of that sex? Isn't it worse to exclude a few of the friendship group because of their sex in order to make sure you include children your child doesn't play with just because they are the same sex?

I tend to follow the rule with a few exceptions of whole class or less than half the class to make sure just a few children aren't excluded but if my child's chosen 15/30 then I've never paid any attention to how many girls/boys were excluded.

Am I missing something? Why is it easier to have boy/girl parties than to just invite your kids friends?
And WIBU to try and get dd an invite to the 'boy party'?

And WIBU to try and get dd an invite to the 'boy party'?

Yes! They've invited who they've invited, let it roll over you and teach your DD to do the same.

We've never done boy/girl parties; DS1 had a party this week and invited his mates, a mixture of boys and girls, and always has done. But other families do things differently and that's alright.

And WIBU to try and get dd an invite to the 'boy party'?

Oh God no. The parents will think you are nuts. Who touts for their child to attend a party?

Also, you don’t seem very concerned about your daughter being mean to girls in her class.

No, you cannot ask for an invitation to the party.

I agree that it is very early to split off into boy vs girl parties - I've noticed this has happened with some children at our school but never at such an early age when they all play together.

It is disappointing for your DD but nice that she has the playdate - she can take a birthday present to him and they will have a nice time having a special birthday playdate.

Okay, I'll just accept the playdate and not mention the party.
I was fine when I thought that he just didnt want her there, I told her that he's probably just invited people he's closer friends with and she was fine but I don't know how to explain to her why she's been invited to a seperate playdate the day before instead of the actual party that her friend wants her at.

Yabu please dont do this. It comes across as extremely bad manners, you absolutley dont ask for an invite. I'm not sure what's so difficult to understand why boy /girl parties happen. The real world isn't MN where people dont see a difference between boys and girls.

It's the kindest way of having a limited size party. Not inviting 1 or 2 girls or boys is exclusionary and can cause all sorts of unnecessary drama and upset.

Until you're ready to cut the numbers right down to 5 or 6 friends it's the best way of having a large by not whole class party.

Don't try and force an invite for your daughter. She's not being left out, the parents are just playing a numbers game.

While I don't like dividing children by gender, I do think that if you can't invite everyone it is kinder to limit by something like gender, age group or which class you are in. Rather than you not attending because someone doesn't like you.

As PP mostly say, it's an easy way to limit numbers. And, quite honestly, some children gender segregate more strictly than Gilead (my 2 eldest children fell into this category).

But I will say this - there are always the exception children. One of my DD was always invited to the boy parties. The parents would discretely have a chat with me, explaining that DD would be the only girl, but their son was insistent that a boy's party must include DD. So I think that if the boy had really wanted your DD at his party she'd have an invite.

I doubt at 4 years old she's upset she won't see him on his birthday, maybe dissapointed at not being invited tothe party, but this happens sometimes, you could easily just explain it's a boys only party, thats why she's going on a play date the day before, although i do think if the boy really wanted dd there, and was upset about it, she would be invited regardless.
ywbvu to try and get your daughter invited to the party.

And WIBU to try and get dd an invite to the 'boy party'?
only if you want to be thouht of as the psycho mother from hell

I agree it's just a way to limit numbers without offending anyone.