Fed up of life. Feel lazy and completely lifeless

[namechangejustthisonce0]

Sorry I am posting this here. I feel like I just need someone to talk to or at least, give me advice and reassure me! Every day is the same shit, day in and day out. I have a 2 year old toddler who just constantly whinges all the time and throws tantrums. I am always tired, I just feel lazy and when he naps, I also nap. It shouldn't come to this at all! Why do I feel like I want to do nothing? We are both working hard (I work part time), but our wages are absolutely shit. I don't have anyone to talk to as everyone I used to know done nothing but used me, including someone who I thought was my friend, took advantage and doesn't see me or even ask me if I'm okay. I am always the one who makes sure everyone is okay and that everyone comes first. Sorry this is a rant going on, I just want to let it out. I want to get motivated and excited about getting up in the mornings, but I just fill with dread, knowing another boring crap day is going to happen again. I am ALWAYS tired and I've had enough of it! I've got the healthiest diet going, drink plenty of water but I still feel like I want to just lay down and go to sleep

That sounds awful OP. It sounds like you're depressed, it might be worth talking to your GP about how you feel and see if you can get some support

@Parpulous I really don't want to take antidepressants though :( I just want to try and figure out what I need to do to feel better but I just can't! I've tried speaking to my husband but he just tells me I need to be grateful and that I don't know the meaning of what being depressed is, only he does because he has been through a "hard time" with divorce with his first wife, finances, etc. I love my son so much but I just don't feel like a mother to him because I am a lazy, good for nothing human being who rather looks at her mobile phone and try and forget anything else that needs to start happening :(

Two year olds are hard work, they are emotional and needy and very tiring. So don't beat yourself up for wanting a nap. That is fine, if you fancy a nap, have one.

Your job, you say the wages aren't great, could you apply for something else, start job hunting, sign up on various job sites for different job alerts, maybe you need a change of scenery, some new fun colleagues.

Do you have friends? Do you make time for yourself, do you make sure you have quality time with your friends where you aren't a mum and can just be you?

Your husband is being very unhelpful here. It's not a competition where some people a 'worthy' of being depressed and others aren't. Depression doesn't care who you are or where you come from, it can hit literally anyone. I think it would be a good idea to see your GP, I understand you're reluctant to take anti-depressants but they have helped so many people in your shoes. They might help you get the clarity you need to try and figure out where you can improve things.

@MrsTumbletap thank you for your reply.

Ive tried looking for different jobs but they all want experience and qualifications which I don't have. I was doing a degree but I didn't have the motivation to complete it (due to the way I am feeling now) so I didn't. I don't have any friends really, I've got one who is always busy though and so when my son goes nursery in the afternoons once a fortnight, I go back home and get back into bed until it's time to collect him... that's what my life is like. All I want to do is sleep! Just stay in bed, lock the door and sleep.

@Sakura7 I think that's probably another reason why I feel lonely. It took guts to confide into him and then he turns it around and makes it all about him so I haven't bothered talking about it since! I am going to have to book an appointment... I feel embarrassed though such a silly thing to say! I am wondering whether it could be my thyroid or something health related? Would they do blood tests first to make sure that's all OK or would it be straight onto mental health assessment?

You sound depressed

I got like this after the birth of my second child and I was at home with two children under two years. I felt as if I couldn't see any positives and the daily routine just really got me very down. All I wanted to do was sleep and spent lots of time crying and feeling like I couldn't cope. This was made worse by not having any family nearby as I live miles away. This went on for six months and it kept getting worse.

Anyway, I eventually went to the GP and I wrote down everything that I was feeling and everything that had been happening and handed him the piece of paper (I didn't want to say things out loud in front of my toddlers should they repeat anything! Plus I found it easier than verbalising everything)

I was prescribed sertraline and whilst I didn't want to take antidepressants as this compounded my belief that I was crap and couldn't cope with anything, I took them.

Whether therapeutic or placebo or a bit of both, they worked for me. 12 months on and I'm in a different place, changing my career, back studying and enjoying life and my children (mostly 😂)

I think how you are feeling must be horrid and you deserve better. I'm not saying antidepressants are a cure all but it may be worth even just a cursory visit to your GP. You do sound depressed and there is help x

I suppose it's possible it could be another health issue but you can discuss that with the GP when you're there. I do think you should go and tell them everything you've said here. Whether its a physical or mental issue it doesn't matter - it needs treatment and you need some support. If your GP did diagnose you with depression would your husband still be so flippant about it?
Maybe also see if there are any local groups you could join so you have some outside contact. It's not easy but you can turn this around x

Could be low in iron - get a blood test and if that gives you a chance to talk to a GP maybe you'll be honest with them about how you feel - but yes, as PP have said, 2 year olds are physically demanding.

Still worth seeing your GP - the sooner you get on to the waiting list for counselling the better (and if nothing else, counselling gives you an hour's space here and there to think through your life and how to improve things).

Second reason to see GP is the tiredness may have a physical cause other than just being run ragged by the triple demands of toddler, working, and running household, eg anaemia or as you've said, thyroid, and if you can find an underlying cause and sort it, life will improve. Say very clearly to the doctor that you want to see if there is a physical basis for the tiredness. My GP ordered what he referred to as "tiredness bloods".

But don't completely rule out anti-depressants - they can lift you just enough to give the motivation to sort out what you need to do.

And napping when DC naps is a great idea. Getting enough sleep isn't laziness, it's basic self-care.

DC won't always be a tantruming 2 yr old. Mine seemed to go in 6 month cycles, between being easy to cope with and being self-willed tantruming monsters. Try not to take short cuts, think before you do anything "This is the easiest option now, but how will it feel when I've done it 30 times and it's what he expects as normal?" - very difficult to do, I know!

Write your husband out of the emotional support side - he's not being useful. Get your support from elsewhere, MN if nothing else. There's some very nice people on here.

Oh god...when I think back to having 2yos, I nearly have a panic attack. That was not a good time for me.

I sympathise completely. All I can say is - nothing is permanent, including how bad you feel right now!

OP

This age with children is so so difficult so please don't beat yourself up about it.

I agree with another poster about iron levels, when my were low I was so unbelievably tired all of the time when I had done nothing taxing all day. Also could be low vitamin D. Please get your bloods checked. Also, like pp, it sounds as if you are depressed. Anti depressants can make the world of difference, please consider them.

Also, it sounds like you have low self esteem. You should know that YOU ARE AMAZING, know it, believe it, don't let your confidence depend on others whether that is friends or family or your husband. When you start believing that then you won't see obstacles in your way.

Get some vitamin d3 liquid. Will improve some stuff internally and give you some energy to then deal with the other stuff with a clear her.