5 minutes!!

[LegalEagle99]

We will call them Mildred (10, almost 11) Francis (6) and Doris (just turned 5).

From 5.45am onwards:

Mildred: Muuuum, where's your yoga mat, I need to practice.... Muuuummmm, I can't find it!
Muuuuuuuummmmmmm.....oh I found it.

6am: Francis: Muuummmyyyyy, Mildred won't share the yoga mat with me....

Doris: Muuuummmmyyyy, Francis said I can't play on your yoghurt mat naked, she's being meeeeean!

Me: All of you, work it out or NO ONE is using the mat and shut the lounge door!!!!

It's still dark outside at this point!!

6.45am Francis: Muuummmyyyy, I need cereal boxes to make a model of Buckingham Palace.....it has to be in tomorrow!!!
Me: (In my head, WHAT THE FUCK!??) Out loud: Ok, we'll sort it out.
Francis: Now in my room emptying cornflakes into a big bowl on my bed!!!!! Aaaarrrggghhhhhh!!

7.15am: Just drifting off and all of a sudden Doris creeps into my room, I think she's just going to get into my bed for some cuddles right? Wrong!!!! She snuggles right into me and BURPS
in my ear telling me it's a gift from her to me for my birthday a few weeks ago.

7.30am: Mildred comes flying into my bedroom to tell me how her sisters are, quote: 'the most horrific little cretins that would not have lasted in the Victorian times and they simply do not understand my need for personal space OR the concept of autonomy!!!!'
By this point I am wide awake, I tell Mildred to stop reading my Law books and so the day begins.

Up to this point, we have done a huge amount of aqua beads, Doris is driving everyone crazy with the ear burping, Francis is insisting on 'helping' me with EVERYTHING to the point where I'm stepping in the shower and she tells me she loves my 'jiggly butt' while actually jiggling it, it's not that jiggly! And Mildred has gone from Autonomy to asking me what will happen with Brexit and how will the economy be affected along with her beautiful little Polish friend and will she be deported and if she is then I must fight for her human rights under the relevant Article!!!

I am going to sit in the car, put on my heated seats and sleep!!!!!
Just give me 5 minutes people!!!!

5 MINUTES!!!!!!!!!!

I feel better for getting it out. 😂

I know exactly how you feel! Hope you got your 5 mins peace !
Ps you write very well and amusingly

This has made me laugh!
Sorry OP!

Thank you stuckasachild. :) I have to laugh or I'd cry and that is not pretty.
Mildred, Francis and Doris are all now sleeping and they're so lovely, asleep!!!! What a day though.

Does anyone else feel their weekend is more tiring than their week? Where's the chocolate!!!??

Is this a script for a sit com? Oh my children, my children.

Too many !!!!. Exclamation marks are like laughing at your own jokes.

This is the book you need. I used to love reading this to my 3. Have you thought about teaching them how to read a clock?

Frances = female spelling
Francis = male spelling

lots of sympathy, but seriously? Aged 5, 6 and 10, read a bloody clock, no one allowed out of rooms until 6 and then only to watch CBeebies very quietly until 7.

Anyone who wakes anyone else up before 7 is in big trouble.
Been doing that since they were little. The day starts at 7 and not before. I was mean, in that they had to stay in their rooms, reading, colouring, playing, until 7.

Is this some sort of dry run for an attempt at copying Gill Sims? It's not actually too bad, I've read several worse, and only a couple better. But there's no Judgy Dog, and for that, you get an overall score of only 3/10.

...and then Mildred, Doris and Francis settle down to eat their Kale and chickpea risotto, before Mildred bakes them all sugar free beetroot chocolate brownies. After lunch Mildred reads the younger children swallows and Amazons, then they all run out to play in the garden.....

I feel for you OP, sounds like a very middle class version of our house on a weekend morning!!

This was actually my morning today. :) It was a light hearted offload and not meant in any way to spark any kind of 'literary review' but thank you for the feedback. I'm a Solicitor by trade so my writing is usually very boring and very commercial.

Also I don't have any parenting issue with my daughter's being awake and talking to me, they know our routine during the week and are capable and helpful little people that absolutely understand how hard their Mum works. At the weekend we have a more relaxed, fun pace as we're not leaving the house at 7am so they just get to relax and just 'be'. I just wish the 'be' element had come a little later.

This morning was like a comedy sketch and I actually sat and laughed about it afterwards. I'm sure other mums and or dads must experience similar. :)

I enjoyed it, OP. And I'd like to adopt Doris. She sounds hilarious and I'm sure her and DS1 would get a LOT of mileage from ear burps.

Could you get Francis to burp continuously in the ears of posters who don't get the humour but feel the need to correct your spelling and use of exclamation marks? Please!
My three DC are grown up now but how I remember those days😂 And a lot of "But mummy it's not fair!"

BeBesideTheSea wins the award for the first person to hijack the thread with semantics.

SevernWye for criticising grammar

we just need a LTB, someone to claim it is a "stealth boast" , and someone to ask where is DP in all this why isn't he sharing the parenting and we have a full house in mumsnet bingo

OP I know the feeling! My 4 year old has asked me literally every 5 mins if it's Halloween yet. Then straight after his dinner it's is it tea yet? Grrrrrr

A lifetime of having my name spelled (spelt?) incorrectly makes it a red rag to a bull.