To be freaking out about going back to work?

[YippeeKayakOtherBuckets]

I haven’t worked for nearly five years after spectacularly crashing and burning (bipolar). I’ve lived a very small life in the interim, home, kids, telly, dogs, that kind of thing. Bit of volunteering here and there. I’m bored shitless.

I’ve fallen into doing everything, and I mean everything, at home. DH spent two years working ridiculous hours so that was fine, but he’s back to core hours now and gets in at 3.30pm, just as the kids all get in.

So, after half term I will be out of the house from 7.30- 3, same as everyone else. I’ve bought a slow cooker, we have a Roomba, I’ve organised breakfast clubs, given everyone their own laundry basket. I will walk to the dogs when I take Ds to breakfast club, come home, put dinner in the slow cooker, put a load of washing on, switch Roomba on, go to work. It’s a faultless plan. Except, it relies on the kitchen being usable in the morning (the teens are supposed to wash up but in reality they do such a shit job I end up doing it properly in the morning), the washing being ready to go (again, rarely happens), and the house being tidy enough to hoover.

I also need the kids to step up and clean their own bathroom, which is usually disgusting. DS2 (7) never tidied his own bedroom and that needs to change. DH needs to pull his finger out and help with the day to day. Basically I feel like it’s all a bit of a house of cards and I only just keep it together as it is, being here all day.

I NEED to do this, the job is perfect for me, I am quite literally driving myself mad at home, but I am freaking out now that home is going to become utter chaos, even more so than usual.

Does anyone have any words of advice or has made this change successfully after being the —dogsbody— SAHM for a long time? I’m going to end up sabotaging myself before I even start because the thought of coming home from work to chaos is making me feel ill.

Sit them down and say what you've said here, how important it is for your mental health to be able to go back to work and you need them to step up and support that, because you've been their support all these years. Then maybe do a list for the DCs of it on the fridge on a wipe clean/chalk board and they tick off each day when the task is done until it becomes routine. Make them see the emotional significance of what you are doing. Good luck.

Accept that standards will slip. It can't be the same as when you were at home all day. Other people don't have the same drive on the chores as would. And that's ok.

If you don't, you'll end up doing it all, and suffering for it. Dirty dishes can wait awhile.

Let it go and enjoy your new job. Congratulations!

You're likely focusing on the kitchen because you're nervous about the new job 

Kitchen doesn't matter, lower standards, buy chips - get everyone involved in a half hour clean/tidy on a Saturday afternoon.

Enjoy your new life.

Thank you all. I probably am focusing on nonsense because of the nerves. But I’m not sure standards could slip any further without us all dying of dysentery.

dysentery!

The first couple of weeks in your job are going to be hard, mentally and physically, acknowledge that and cut yourself some slack. Then see how you go after that, you may find the family have slipped into new habits - or you have! Think about what you would say to a friend/sister/dc in the same circumstances then apply it to yourself.

Be kind to yourself. And enjoy it!

Learn to embrace low level chaos. Done is better than perfect (always). Honestly it will help you more than anything else in the long run.
Best of luck with your new job.