I slept with a cheater

[giantscauseway]

Hi everyone, I have name changed for this.

Around 4 months ago I met a guy on a night out. It's long distance but we've been on a number of dates since then. I slept with him on the 5th date and every 2 weeks or so I work from an office close to his hometown and we meet up. We are Facebook friends and have been since that night out. I wouldn't call it a relationship but we have been 'seeing' each other.

Yesterday I went on my Instagram and under the people you may know/follow section it bought up his name, I was just about to follow and decided to take a look first. He's in a full on relationship! Romantic pictures, date nights, even as far as surprising each other on holiday etc. I'm really shocked. I messaged him and told him what I'd seen and how if he had told me he was in a relationship I would never have slept with him. He replied saying it's not a relationship really. I blocked him and have no intention to message again.

What I don't understand is, why he pursued me. We live nowhere near each other so he's spent money on fuel and train tickets to see me recently. There were no indication at all he was in a relationship on his Facebook at all, or even any signs from him. I feel really bad for his girlfriend who obviously thinks she's in a loving relationship. I feel really really guilty yet I didn't even do anything wrong! I thought he was bloody single!

You didn't do anything wrong. He was looking for sex, plain and simple, and I seriously doubt you are the only woman he has been messing about with. Perhaps a STI check is in order of you weren't using protection.

bored in his relationship and wanting some excitement

What I don't understand is, why he pursued me. We live nowhere near each other so he's spent money on fuel and train tickets to see me recently.

Because some men will do anything to get their dick wet.
Boredom, the thrill, he fancies you (obviously) so doesn’t mind travelling, the distance means he’s less likely to get caught... loss of reasons

You've done nothing wrong. Pretty much exactly this happened to me when I was in my early twenties, met someone through work, he was doing some subcontracted marketing work, he lived about three hours away, we'd speak for hours on the phone every day, text constantly, we'd make the effort to visit each other, he met my family etc. This all went on for 8-9 months, he had a few pictures on fb from a couple of years before with this particular girl, his ex he said. No reason to believe otherwise. Then one of his friends made a comment about boys night, I saw your Mrs tell her it's lads only, now I knew this wasn't me. So I replied and said I had no intention of crashing their boy's night as I was away that weekend but not to worry I'd see them soon and he still owed me that drink (jokey her from last time is been up there). All of a sudden the whole post disappeared and I got a message from his 'ex' looked at her profile they were clearly still in a full on relationship! She called me fuming, I explained everything and I apologised to her, explained that's not the kind of woman I am and had no idea he was still with her, told her everything, screen shotted messages when she asked me to. She's realised I was being genuine, dumped him but then got back with him, he tried to Weasle his way back in with me several times but I told him where to go. I just don't get how it was worth all the effort, the travel, the hours of driving, the cost, phone calls etc. I was genuinely gobsmacked.

Op block him and don't let him back into your life, he has shown his true colours..

Op before you let a man in your bed , get to know them longer(so that if they turn out to be two timing scumbags you haven't put yourself in a position to be hurt and feel used)

Yes I guess some men will do anything! I blocked his phone number and got a message on my Facebook saying I'm being unreasonable, it's not a relationship and they're both aware of this blah blah. Blocked him on there too!

Well done op. You can hold your head up high for blocking him as soon as you found out. (Let's face it, many others just carry on regardless).

Hope you’re ok OP. Can understand why you feel guilty but please don’t. He was the one in a relationship, not you. He lied and you acted in good faith. You’ve done nothing wrong.

Sadly, not uncommon for the guys I know or have come across. Even the married ones! There are a few good ones out there though.. I’m sorry he’s treated you like this and of course his girlfriend.

see if you can see a link to his girlfriend on his instagram page and tell her what he's been up to, send screen shots etc

I do feel really guilty and just uncomfortable with the whole situation. Yes I literally had no idea, and he blatantly lied to me and deceived me, so why do I feel so sick? 😷 it makes me sick that he has had sex with both me and her but just that he's deceiving her so bad.

I'm not sure if I'm gusty enough to message her, I don't want to be the one to ruin her life. I saw on his social media she's just come from America for 5 months to stay with him. They're long distance but after looking at their social media last night seems like there's a lot of back and forth between countries.

you really should tell her so she can make an informed decision whether or not to stay with him. if it was me I'd want to know

i think i would tell her. Most likely he will convince her you are lying but its possible you will save her from years of being cheated on.

Tell her. If she already knows then no harm done. If she doesn't then she gets to make her own choices.

I would just walk away tbh theres no gurantee his girlfriend will beleive you its crap but at least you didnt get into deep .

it's not a relationship and they're both aware of this blah blah.

When this happened to me I pointed out that I should have known this and been allowed to make the choice they had (although I’d bet she didn’t).
There was nothing even weasel face could say to that.

Chin up, better will come along!

I would tell her if they really are in an open relationship no harm done! If not then you may save her from a massive mistake like moving here!

He is obviously incredibly immature best case scenario they are in an open relationship but she because she knows doesn't make everything ok! He should have been up front with you too!

I think I'm deffo just going to walk away. I've blocked him so he can't contact me anymore, and if he's done this once, I'm sure he's doing it with other girls.