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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel AWFUL but to also think I am not unreasonable

42 replies

Oopupsideyourhead · 13/10/2018 19:38

DS was playing out with one of the neighbours recently. He invited said kid for a sleepover tonight but didn’t ask me & kid went to ask his parents.
I said no but kid could come next sat as I needed some notice. DS didn’t listen to me at all & it ended up in a row with me saying NO to him a few times - I feel like he put me on the spot and I didn’t want to host a child tonight.

While I was telling him NO and saying he has to ask me before inviting people (he’s 10) the kid was outside & heard me.

Now I feel AWFUL as it’s not that he’s unwelcome- just that DS didn’t ask me, said yes, didn’t listen to my reasons why not etc.

I don’t want his friend to feel unwelcome at all- I was just cross with my son for not bothering to ask me or respect my saying no- he kicked up a massive fuss.

I texted kids Parent to say he could come but he said kid isn’t feeling well now and doesn’t want to come and I now feel really guilty.

God- aibu?

OP posts:

LegalEagle99 · 14/10/2018 10:19

@Chinna, you sound like a very highly strung parent!!!
Myself and any other parent that I know would never come to the conclusion that OP was two faced. We'd smile, understand and move on because there clearly was no malice.

cookiesandchocolate · 14/10/2018 10:22

Isn't this just a right of passage in the parenting world. It happens OP. He asked if he could have a sleepover and you said no. Which he would have known about as he wouldn't have stayed so unless you were being unkind about the kid in question then I wouldn't worry about it any more

Everyoneiswingingit · 14/10/2018 10:28

YANBU . If the other parents don't understand then they are a bit weird. I always told my DC not to put me on the spot or ask in front of the other child. The other parents can surely understand that.

Everyoneiswingingit · 14/10/2018 10:32

If anything you are worrying about it too much. You are right, move on. Your son won't do it again.

Missingstreetlife · 14/10/2018 10:47

Why did you say yes if you meant no?

NotANotMan · 14/10/2018 10:51

Stop worrying!
If my kid had arranged a sleepover at someone house without the parent knowing I'd be very clear with my kid that parents have to agree to the invitation and that's that.

Everyoneiswingingit · 14/10/2018 10:52

mis she said no, the child said yes.

Inkspellme · 14/10/2018 10:54

I think an honest conversation is the way to go. Tell them exactly what happened and that you’re sorry if your sons friend heard anything that upset him - that wasn’t your intention.

Missingstreetlife · 14/10/2018 10:59

No, she said welcome anytime

TimeIhadaNameChange · 14/10/2018 10:59

YANBU. I was furious when my DM did this to me (ie did the inviting). About ten years ago (I was 30ish) we met someone who had gone to the same primary and secondary school as me (but different junior in between). I had never been friends with her, but my mum obviously remembered her from when she was young. We got talking, and my mum told her she should go and visit me.

I was mortified, as I really didn't want a near stranger staying at my house (I hadn't seen her since we left school). What then made things worse was that she got in touch with a mutual friend to suggest they came together. Due to geography I rarely see my friend (though we are close) and if she did come up I really wouldn’t have wanted this other person there too (and nor would she).

I was fuming with my mother!

SurreyMumof4 · 14/10/2018 11:02

I've always had the rule I need to be asked first as was I raised. D1 and S1 have both tested me and caused upset when I was stuck to my word. Tough luck kids.

ButchyRestingFace · 14/10/2018 11:03

YANBU.

Reminds me of when I was 10, first day back at school after the 3 month break (I lived abroad), one boy in the year below me invited his year and my year round to his house for a party after school. Apparently he'd okay'd it with his parents and they were all for it so we should all just turn up.

He hadn't even mentioned it to his parents. It was a fun night though. His parents really rose to the occasion.

youarenotkiddingme · 14/10/2018 11:04

As a kid I used to feel really embarrassed when my friends argued with their parents about me staying for tea, going round or sleeping etc.

Not embarrassed because they said no but if my friends behaviour of not listening. I would have also found a reason not to go because I wouldn't want to put the parent in an awkward position.

I'd tell your ds if he wants a sleepover anytime soon he needs to start showing respect to you.

Everyoneiswingingit · 14/10/2018 11:05

That was after miss , I think she was trying to reassure parents that it wasn't about him personally, that he was welcome in their house.

wrenika · 14/10/2018 11:26

It'll all blow over and be fine. The kid probably feels dead awkward about it - I know I would if I'd overheard that, even if I know it was because it was sprung upon you, I'd still feel awkward about it...but then that's just me! But it'll settle down. I wouldn't worry about it.

upsideup · 14/10/2018 12:35

It does seem a bit fake to say that he is welcome anytime after making it clear he wasnt welcome when he was actually there.
Some children would be anxious to go back and upset after that and some would forget about it immediately, hopefully your ds's friend will be fine

CinnaMessala · 14/10/2018 18:49

Oh sorry. I thought you wanted honest opinions. In real life, I’d smile and make polite small talk with you. But I’d still think what I wrote. If that makes me “high strung”... well, you’d never know it, would you.

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