To think boisterous is often code for badly behaved?

[abacucat]

Just seems to be the main way I hear it being used in real life.

abacucat Of course all kids have challenges. My point is that I often hear parents saying "well my two year old has never pushed" for example as if that was purely down to good parenting when actually it's probably just the temperament of the child.

I'm not saying I would allow a toddler to go round pushing because that's just how they are - but some definitely need more help than others when it comes to frustration and impulse control.

The vast majority of kids benefit from being able to run around at least once a day. Just like dogs.

Hmmm, I don't necessarily think boisterous and badly behaved are the same thing. My three boys loved playfighting & being physical with each other at home, so in that way they were boisterous, but they weren't naughty or cheeky children & they knew I wouldn't tolerate bad behaviour. They are nice, kind, gentle young men now so grew out of their boisterous ways

CherryPavlova

The thing is some young children find it much easier to sit still and listen in class than others. At a very young age a lot of this is down to luck not parenting. You don't get to choose your child's personality - some are naturally meek and that has it's advantages too. You have to make the most of whatever temperament the child has.

You’re not wrong OP.

The phrase ‘boisterous boys’ is overused and it is almost always used as an excuse or reason for them hurting someone, breaking something or the parent not being able to keep an handle on them. It drive me mad, along with ‘my child is spirited’.

Although obviously parenting has an impact to be clear - if you allow your child to stay up late playing ipad or don't give them the impression that the teacher is someone to be respected then of course their ability to sit still and listen will be massively impaired.

This feels like a TAAT but I will agree with the principle of what the OP is saying.

When I hear “boisterous” I just hear “little shit”.

I hate the way that Parents with more passive/lower energy children want to describe it as bad behaviour.

I don't know that I've ever actually met a 'lower energy child' though. That seems to be code for a 'well-behaved child' from parents of 'boisterous' children. My DS has been described as 'low energy' by other parents because he was sitting down and eating a meal rather than running around screaming at the age of 3. He has also never been one for sitting and watching the TV and he absolutely loves to be outside and running around. He just knows when to behave.

Context is important, obviously, yes.

But in the context of a MN thread, which is what we're probably discussing, then whenever an OP's child is described as "boisterous"'higly spirited" or "no angel" then I know we are effectively talking about a child who you probably don't want round yours for a playdate anytime soon. And 99% of the parents who describe their kids with these words tend to have no fucking idea that usually their child goes round breaking stuff, thumping other kids and generally wreaking havoc. When told, they tend to include the "he was a bit tired" thing as well.

I know how I use it when I write reports for the kids I teach...
I’m not allowed to write ‘please do something, your child is disrupting the learning of every single person they are in a room with and is also the reason I need a drink at 6pm on a Wednesday!’

Moo.
Yes, I was thinking about Thursday when I had to tell a parent that their kid had been "excessively happy" during the lesson. Meaning laughing hysterically at nothing, disrupting everyone else, doing the "it's him making me laugh" thing.

A really interesting thread. My eldest is definitely some of these words - he's boisterous, lively and spirited. He's also an absolute gem. It's early days but he's far from uncontrollable. He needs regular running and is very hard work at home but I can take him to the pub for a meal, to the park, to toddler group, to the supermarket, to town... anywhere really and he's as good as gold.

I'm far from a brilliant parent so it's not to my credit but those words don't have to be negative

I think using one word to describe a child's personality and temperament is lazy and stereotyping. All children are different - and having one characteristic (such as boisterousness - which I interpret as full of energy that need to be physically expended, a high level of physicality) doesn't preclude them having others.

I have known children who are bositerous, but kind and sensitive to others needs, I have known quiet calm children who are kind loving and thoughtful. I have also known children who are boisterous and unkind or rough, and quiet children who are unkind and mean. And every variation and combination in between.

With young children I find it is best to deal with poor behaviour on an incident by incident basis, and then move on, rather than typecast a child into a box called 'boisterous' or 'quiet' which they are then trapped in, so that all their behaviour is classified according to the descriptive boundary you have placed on them.

Just like adults, children are capable of a wide range of behaviours and have complex and individual personalities.
Any one who uses descriptor as code to stereotype and be unpleasant about a young child needs to have a rethink IMO.

A great deal of poor behaviour in children can be accounted for by adults inability to deal with it constructively and efficiently, rather than any inbuilt trait the child may have.

For context, he's 21m

avoid my sofas getting jumped on (something I would class as a bit overexcited and silly, but no naughtier than average)
that anyone thinks jumping on sofas is not naughty and is just silly. Sofas cost thousands of pounds - I would not permit a child to jump on one. My own DC would be severely disciplined and anyone else’s DC would not be permitted to come back to my home again. This lax attitude that behaviour like this isn’t naughty is why parents who control their kids don’t like “boisterous” kids.

It means 'my child is a prick because I can't be arsed parenting him properly'

UserName31456789 what’s your evidence base it’s down to luck? Research would suggest otherwise right through to adolescence.

The most reliable indicator is parental behaviours. We often don’t like that and moan about ‘parent blaming’ and ‘high energy children’ but truth is all children can be high energy and given appropriate parenting can be calm. Good parenting teaches the difference and when both are expected/acceptable. Chaotic, Laissez-faire, disinterested or just plain lazy parenting have a huge detrimental effect on behaviours.

As with most things in life, the more you put in, the more you get out.

Can I just come back and laugh at how many people assumesld I let mine or anyone else's kids jump on my sofa??

Hell no, I don't. They get told not to.

I would still vastly rather have a kid that was silly enough to try it than one who spends a play date deliberately being spiteful to other children in quiet, manipulative ways.

The kid that jumps on your sofa is only a problem if they won't stop immediately when told.

The kid that is sly and mean is likely to always be a problem you don't want in your house.

HostaFireAndIce

No he just sounds like a low energy child to me. All kids run around sometimes, but it's not at unusual for a toddler to find it difficult to sit still. That isn't bad behaviour, that's just basic child development. If a parent lets a 3 year old run around in a restaurant it's bad parenting.

WhirlwindHugs

Yes I'm with you Boisterous to me means high energy. The children I consider badly behaved are the ones who don't play nice. The kids who delight in getting other kids in trouble, who aren't kind to other children (leave kids out, say unkind things etc).

CherryPavlova

That's not true for the kind of things you're talking about. Noone is describing yobbish teenage behaviour as boisterous. It's usually used to describe children who are high energy and don't sit down well in the classroom like to climb, run and jump around. The most reliable indicator for this behaviour is age and gender (being a summer born boy is massively correlated with behaviour issues at school) and temperament. It is very much down to luck. Obviously terrible parenting can have the same affect.

Many of the behaviour requirements are actually developmentally inappropriate and unhealthy in small children anyway. I do think it's more important to stress consideration and kindness than sitting still in children.

Wow I had better stop describing my 3 year old this way she's actually an incredibly sweet and sensitive girl, she has never purposefully hurt another child, and very very rarely accidentally (I can think of one incident in 2 years). Preschool have zero complaints. But I call her boisterous because she gets a build up of energy, she wants to run around and make noise and bang things and have a little shriek, she has a short attention span and starts to act up in longer classes. I try to take her out to at least one physical activity a day (like the park) to let this off. She has a lot to deal with, her little sister is a lot more challenging and we are trying to deal with that behaviour. But she is definitely not "a little shit"

Hah! Whenever someone refers to other people's children as "more passive and lower-energy", I always assume their child is an utter scourge,