My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

AIBU?

To wonder how often other couples have sex?

25 replies

Blondie1993 · 13/10/2018 10:49

I feel like I have quite a high sex drive but my partner/boyfriend/whatever you want to call him doesn’t seem to be as interested. We have been together 2, nearly 3 years. I am 25, he is 28. When we have sex it is very good although over quite quickly - there’s not much foreplay/kissing which I think is why it seems to be over quickly! My problem is we only seem to have sex once a week, sometimes less. We don’t live together and see each other 3 nights a week. We see each other when my DS is at his dads so there’s no children around or anything like that.

He does have a very stressful, challenging job and is studying for a post graduate degree so I don’t really want to say anything and add more stress!

I just wonder how often other couples do the deed Blush? I was with my last boyfriend for 2 years (same circumstances in terms of when we seen each other) and it was pretty constant, although he was a lot younger with much less responsibilities. Reading old threads on here, it seems like it’s always the opposite way around and men want sex from their wife/girlfriend constantly which makes me wonder what’s wrong with me Hmm.

Sorry if TMI for AIBU on a Saturday morning Grin!

OP posts:
Report
IsTheRainEverComingBack · 13/10/2018 10:52

I know how you feel. I want sex much more than my DP. He’s much less bothered and can go long periods without. But it is good, long sex when we do. Maybe a couple of times a month? Sometimes a few close together then not for a few weeks. I don’t think we’ve had sex for about 3 weeks now? We probably will next week. It’s bothered me in the past and I would like it to be more, but it’s not the be all and end all for me.
I’m 30, he’s 29, together 6 years.

Report
Awwlookatmybabyspider · 13/10/2018 10:54

I'm the same as you op. We don't live together so we only see each other a few days a week or if we both have a day off work we'll often engage in a bit of AD Wink

Report
IsTheRainEverComingBack · 13/10/2018 10:54

There’s nothing wrong with you btw - the narrative that all men want sex all the time and have to persuade women is really damaging for men and women.

Report
SweetSummerchild · 13/10/2018 10:56

On average about once a week - generally at weekends when DH doesn’t have to get up at 5:45 the next morning.

We are both mid-forties and have been together about 25 years. We have two kids so ‘daytime fun’ opportunities are limited.

Report
arethereanyleftatall · 13/10/2018 11:01

I think the responses aren't going to be with a similar demographic as you're on mumsnet. We have sex 10% as much now that we're in our forties with kids, as when we were in our twenties with no dcs.

Report
Lazypuppy · 13/10/2018 11:03

Maybe 2 or 3 times a month. We both have low sex drives, and i could honestly go for months at a time without sex

Report
blaaake · 13/10/2018 11:06

Once or twice a week, sometimes more if the kids aren't in during the day 

Report
Pleasehelpme433 · 13/10/2018 11:13

We don't have sex that often - about once a month, but my DH wants more role play such as dressing up and 'setting a scene'. His latest request is he wants me to put a school uniform on and shave down there, but I'm not sure I am comfortable with that one so will have to think about it.

Report
chitofftheshovel · 13/10/2018 11:17

Usually twice a day - first thing in the morning and last thing at night.

Report
TooTrueToBeGood · 13/10/2018 11:20

There's no normal. Some couples are happy with birthdays and christmas only, others are at it multiple times every day. What matters is that, barring occassional fluctuations, you are both reasonably compatible. If you're incompatible to the point that someone is feeling either frustrated or pressurised then it needs sorting or ending.

Report
Minniemountain · 13/10/2018 11:21

2-3 times a week.

But the question really is does having sex as you do for the foreseeable future sound like it would satisfy you. If your DP is in his 20's his sex drive is unlikely to increase.

Report
bellsbuss · 13/10/2018 11:21

Between 2-5 times a week, everyday on holiday

Report
Rayn · 13/10/2018 11:25

It depends on where you are in your life! We are about once to every two weeks but we have a 2 year old who does not sleep and in bed with us. We are both tired after long days at work. I think we would both like it to be more and if we had more time on our own I think we would. However as long as you are still loving that counts more.

We cuddle up together on the sofa and still hold hands whilst out so I feel the intimacy is there but lack of opportunity prevents it. Both in our forties.

Report
Rebecca36 · 13/10/2018 11:38

You could talk to him about making it last longer, more foreplay etc. If you don't communicate your needs he won't know them. He might be glad to do a bit of 'tantric'.

Report
TheNumberfaker · 13/10/2018 11:44

2-3 times a months and that's loads more than most of our friends...

Report
KitKat1985 · 13/10/2018 11:46

Pre kids usually a couple of times a week.

More recently with two young kids, probably more like once a fortnight to be honest, (as we both work full-time too, have no opportunity for any daytime fun, and by the evening we're usually both exhausted).

At the moment DH has thrown his back out though, so it's been a few weeks.

Report
DolceFarNiente · 13/10/2018 11:55

No DCs, mid-thirties, once a week on average.

I did it more often with exes I didn't live with because when we saw each other on specific days I made more of an effort. With DH, we're both knackered mid-week so save it for the weekends.
To be honest, I'd probably be happy with once a month but I do like the closeness it brings us even if I can't be arsed with the actual act.

Report
DarthLipgloss · 13/10/2018 13:53

We do it quite a lot, probably between 5-9 times a week, but some days we don't see each other then we will have a child free weekend and do it 5-6 times over the weekend, however its not an issue if we don't do it as often. DP was in a sexless marriage for years so I think he's making up for lost time.

Report
JennyOnAPlate · 13/10/2018 13:58

It really varies with us. We're going through a 2 or 3 times a month phase at the moment but we've been known to go 6 months without doing it at all. I had an implant which completely destroyed my sex drive for over a year but we seem to be getting back on track now.

Report
lexi727 · 13/10/2018 14:06

Usually about 2 or 3 times a week. We have always gone through dry spells though, going up to around a month without sex.

DD is only 9 weeks old so nothing at the moment though.

Report
Blondie1993 · 13/10/2018 21:52

Thanks for the replies! I am really happy with him/love him to bits and it’s not the end of the world, I guess I just have to accept he doesn’t have a particularly high sex drive. We did discuss it before and he was very honest in saying that stress/tiredness ect are a factor. I was just interested to see if there was a ‘norm’ but obviously not.

OP posts:
Report
MrsStrowman · 13/10/2018 21:56

Peaks and troughs, once or twice a week usually, but sometimes there's a bit of a flurry of activity and sometimes there's a few weeks without, depending on work, circumstances, health, periods etc. My sex drive has gone completely in pregnancy. We've dtd once since may. I've surprised myself as I know logically it's absolutely fine but I just can't get my head around it, especially now I feel regular strong movements from the baby

Report

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

PawPawNoodle · 13/10/2018 21:57

I'm 28, Mr Noodle is 36. We have sex whenever we fancy it, sometimes it can be a fortnight and sometimes it can be twice a day all week. It depends on how heavy work is.

Report
busybarbara · 13/10/2018 21:59

I can measure how long it's been in months which tells you all you need to know Grin I'm not that bothered though because it's less fulfilling than a good hobby I've discovered

Report
JennyBlueWren · 13/10/2018 22:07

Mid 30s with two dc including baby still waking sometimes. DH wants nearly every night I would probably be happy with once a month (think birth control affected it)! Normally 3-4 Times a week.

Report
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.