Aibu to be upset at hubby.

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AIBU to be mad at my husband? Two weeks ago he told me had feeling for his new work colleague and while he has since said he doesn’t have feeling for her and that’s it’s more of a sister feeling, he just isn’t used to getting along with females and working with her 60 hours a week.

Then last night he went on a works night out and didn’t come home until 4am and didn’t message the whole night. He simply says he didn’t realise the time bt he left at 6pm so I feel that’s lies.
We have a 2 year dd and I currently can’t stop being angry.

Ok well usually I wouldn't be upset at 4am, that in itself seems fine to me, club, good, taxi, sounds about right. Is he usually home around that time or earlier?

But the colleague, wtf is he telling you he has feelings for her for?? I mean seriously?? And then to try row back and insult your intelligence by saying like a sister. I would definitely be upset about the colleague and then because that happened first and the late night happened second, I can see why that would change a usual night out into you sitting at home wondering wtf he is doing so late.

@returnofthesmileybar. When he goes out he is usually back by 12 and doesn’t drink much normally. Been a few times it was 2 but this was at a collugues house.
He seems to think I should be over the whole thing and I am being unreasonable and that it’s not his fault

YANBU I'd be seriously concerned about this OP. Don't let him fob you off.

How did it come about that he told you he had feelings for her?

@greatduckcookery he brought it up when we went to bed one night after his set of shifts had finished and had said he didn’t know what to do. It came completely out of no where at the time but looking back at it he has said she is very attractive and that they get a long really well.
He says nothing has happened and that nothing will but I don’t know if he is being truthful

but I don’t know if he is being truthful

I highly doubt it.

Ducks in a row time - just in case.

Oh. And stay angry.

He seems to be quite up front with you though. And staying out late isn't a sign he must be cheating. In addition what ever feelings he has for this woman, you've nothing to assume she remotely feels the same.

Put simply because you fancy your husband, it doesn't mean any one else does and he could have any woman he wished.

I'd separate the two things really. Very likely he just had a piss up with colleagues.

And for the poster with the ducks in a row thing, get a grip.

Change of behaviour. Admitted he has feelings for another woman.

I think the ducks in a row comment is warranted.

Don't be daft. One night out is not a change in behaviour. It's a bloody one off.

Yes but it comes after he’s told her he has feelings for another woman.

To not react would be weird, passive and numb.

If I’m completely honest I couldn’t look at my husband the same if he said he had feelings for another woman. I’d feel second best & wouldn’t be able to get past it.

Dh and I would definitely text if we were going to be back that late. I also can't imagine what he hoped to achieve by telling you about his feelings for a colleague. If I had a crush on a colleague at work I'd just avoid them until it passed, no way would I upset my partner with it.

It's the lack of communication that would upset me. I don't turn a hair if DP is out & I don't get messages- up til the point I guess he'd normally be heading home etc. Then I'd be worried. And after his comment about his colleague, very worried.

Do you have a job, OP (besides parenting, that is)?
If no, it might be in your interest to get one, in case your marriage ends. It's also a good way for you to expand your social network (and stay out to 4am.)
If you are going to put up with your DH's shit, give it back.

I have been a Sahm since our daughter was born and I gave up a great career that I can’t just get back into when we decided to start a family. In hind sight not the best idea. I start a new part time job next week as I had missed working.

We have spoke and He admits has admitted he checked out on our relationship but didn’t mean to and wants to work on it but I feel like I trust is gone and I have to protect myself ( me heart) now.

If he’s checked out & already has eyes on another woman perhaps you should get out of the relationship & protect yourself OP.

Yes, agree with the ducks in a row. How long before he changes his mind again? Just get everything ready in case. He can't keep playing around with your relationship like this. He lacks respect and love for both you and your daughter. Make a decision and stick to it.

He admits has admitted he checked out on our relationship but didn’t mean to and wants to work on it

Not his choice or decision to make now. They're yours.

Oh dear. Sorry op.

Can you go away for a while? Or kick him out for a bit? Just so you can have some space to think.

I would be very upset and he needs to prove himself to you that he’s committed to your relationship. Not just words but actions.

I know it’s naive but I want it to work and yeah I probably do need to protect myself financially just in case just not sure how until I’ve been working again for a few months to get stuff sorted out