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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to refuse to drop my non-molestation application

24 replies

Felinefancier · 13/10/2018 07:48

After seven years together we split in February, (never married, no children). We are fighting over the house which I paid for but put in joint names. He was supposed to get a mortgage for his half. He never did get the mortgage and after being made redundant agreed to put the house back into my sole name.

Now he's claiming that I put him under duress to sign the documents and wants half the equity in the house (worth about £80K). Since we split he has harassed me, I've reported him to the police on a number of occasions and he has been violent in the past. Despite myself, my solicitor and the police telling him not to contact me, his latest wheeze was to join the gym where I work.

I've now got a non-molestation order against him, (I'm representing myself). His solicitor has suggested I drop it in favour of an ‘undertaking’. But I think this is just a tactic to help him try and claim back half the house.

(His argument about me putting him under duress won't hold much water if there is a non-molestation order in force against him).

Does anyone have any experience in this area? Am I being unreasonable to refuse to drop the non-molestation order? We're back in court in a fortnight and I'm dreading it.

OP posts:
Nowisthemonthofmaying · 13/10/2018 07:52

Stick to your guns! It sounds like you're doing everything right. It must be difficult going through all this but I definitely don't think you should drop it. Remember his solicitor is working for him, not you - what they suggest is unlikely to be for your benefit.

Thisreallyisafarce · 13/10/2018 07:53

What is your solicitor's reasoning?

Feefeetrixabelle · 13/10/2018 07:55

Stick to your guns. The non molestation order benefits you in more ways than one. And screws him over. He wouldn’t hesitate to screw you over if the situation was reversed and his solicitor would be encouraging him to do so.

AJPTaylor · 13/10/2018 07:56

No.dont drop it.
He is hardly playing nice is he?
You are required to drop it because he now agrees to be reasonable? No.
You cannot reason with an unreasonable person.

MrsPnut · 13/10/2018 07:56

Do not drop it, he is harassing you and you have asked him not to contact you and he has continued.

The non mol will have power of arrest attached to it and so when he contacts you again the police can act.

Original poster
Felinefancier · 13/10/2018 10:30

Thisreallyisafarce. I don't have a solicitor acting for me in the non-molestation case, I'm representing myself.

I did have a solicitor representing me in the property dispute but it's getting too expensive so I'm now also representing myself in that case as well and will be hiring my own barrister.

OP posts:
Original poster
Felinefancier · 13/10/2018 10:32

MrsPnut

Aha! I've just talked to a lawyer friend and she reminded me about the power of arrest attached to the non-molestation order which would not be there with an undertaking.

I'm definitely not dropping it it's just the stress is really affecting my health.

OP posts:
Feefeetrixabelle · 13/10/2018 10:44

That’s what the solicitor is relying on. You getting too stressed and tired to continue. They know your in the right so all the can hope to do is persuade you to drop it

Aprilislonggone · 13/10/2018 10:47

Remember only 1 winner.
Make it you op.

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 13/10/2018 10:49

YADNBU. Feel for you. Flowers

longwayoff · 13/10/2018 10:57

Stick with it, this request is simply more harassment. If the order wasn't necessary you wouldn't have it. Dont give any undertakings and dont accept any from him, he isn't trustworthy. Good luck.

Thatssomebadhatharry · 13/10/2018 11:33

Well done thus far.

Do not drop it his solicitor is working for him not you. He is harassing you stick to your guns. His stupid aggressive bullying behaviour means his only hand has no weight. Tough luck. Like others have said they are relying on you being stressed and giving up. Use the strength of support here. Good luck.

AnoukSpirit · 13/10/2018 11:36

Definitely do not drop it.

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 13/10/2018 11:37

Stick to your guns.

trojanpony · 13/10/2018 11:39

Another do not drop it.

His solicitor is not going to be suggesting anything that favours/ helps you.

ohfourfoxache · 13/10/2018 11:41

Please don’t drop it - it’s one of the few things that can keep you safe

SharedLife · 13/10/2018 11:45

You sound very strong. Flowers

Original poster
Felinefancier · 13/10/2018 12:19

SharedLife thank you guys.

I actually feel so weak now, I'm in counselling with my local domestic violence centre, my GP has suggested respite care in an in-patient mental health facility and I've been referred for a PTSD diagnosis. Oh and to top it all my hair is falling out - consultant thinks it may be stress related and it probably won't grow back.

I know my hand is very strong and I can see the light at the end of the tunnel but it feels like I'll run out of steam before I get there (horrible mixing of metaphors but you know what I mean).

Can't tell y'all how much the validation from this group helps to strengthen my resolve.

OP posts:
trojanpony · 13/10/2018 12:22

Hang in there.

Practice self care when you can.
Make sure you are eating a balanced diet and be kind to yourself.... take Baths, walks in the park, paint your nails, face packs whatever you are into.

Also I like this...

Remember only 1 winner.
Make it you op.

Thatssomebadhatharry · 16/10/2018 20:41

Hope you are doing ok op. Flowers

UpstartCrow · 16/10/2018 20:44

Please don't quit - remember that everything he is doing and everything you are going through undermines his case and strengthens yours. Get as many medical reports as you can, and CCTV footage of him in your workplace. Imagine how that is going to look in court when he tries to deny harassing you Flowers

Original poster
Felinefancier · 18/10/2018 15:56

Thanks all.

Feeling a lot better. Got a letter from his solicitors today threatening me with costs unless I drop the non-mol and agree to an undertaking - they're getting desperate.

OP posts:
Sometimesitsmyownfault · 18/10/2018 18:53

He's an idiot. Don't feel intimidated, just carry on carrying on. 

MrsTommyBanks · 18/10/2018 18:59

Keep going. You can do this, you are a strong person.
I have been there, and can only say Never Ever drop a non mol. They don't give them if they are not needed.
I really hope this comes to an end soon. And if he carries on in this way it will end soon Flowers

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