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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am I asking too much yo get him to dreamfeed?

15 replies

Hisnamesblaine · 12/10/2018 21:35

Currently doing the who's the most tired dance with DH. We have a 6 week old and a 5 year old so it's the normal hectic day to day life we are living at the minute. Anyways DH works mon to Fri 9-5 And I do all night feeds and obviously also during the day (on mat leave). I sleep in the spare room with baby so as not to disturb DH. On a Friday night I have our bedroom and he takes baby into spare room. Then on Saturday we all sleep together in main bedroom. I don't mind as I want him to be rested for work. He generally heads to bed at 10pm ish. The last two weeks I've occasionally gone upstairs to have few hours sleep.... generally after putting 5 year old to bed at around 8. I'll then go to sleep at 8:30pm and get back up at 11pm. Ive asked DH to do a dream feed at 11pm so try and establish some sort of a routine..... So far hes done it once. I come downstairs to find them both asleep. AIBU to expect him to start the dream feed so I can maybe grab few hours in the night alongside baby. He states it's not his fault he's so tired and falls asleep. He's sooooooo exhausted after a days work. But I think he is being unreasonable and isn't thinking about my welfare? All he has to do is set his phone alarm! Sorry my post is rambling and probably not in paragraphs. I'm typing this on my phone while holding a sleeping baba! Also as a sidenote.... Do dream feeds even work?

OP posts:
MrTrebus · 12/10/2018 21:48

Why are you waking your baby up to feed and setting alarms etc. Did i miss the boat on this? I only fed my baby in the night when she actually woke up and cried. She would always settle after because she would be milk drunk. I have No idea what a dream feed is but honestly just feed your baby when they wake up, if they wake up. Just my humble opinion!

Hisnamesblaine · 12/10/2018 21:53

Thats what I was doing but so many different people are saying if you do a feed between 11pm and 12 then there's chance baby will sleep for a longer period on time in the night. Currently he wakes every 3 hours....... on the dot!

OP posts:
Fatted · 12/10/2018 21:53

Just leave the dream feed! I'd just let DC sleep and if they wake, then DH can feed them if it's not too late.

DH and I used to do similar with our two. I'd go to bed around 8pm. DH would stay up until about 12 downstairs with the baby and do the last feed. Then every one came up to bed and I took over the night feeds.

But never wake a sleeping baby at night! Mine slept through from 11 and 9 weeks without any dream feeding.

Version2point0 · 12/10/2018 21:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LoveB · 12/10/2018 21:58

Dreamfeeds worked for us!

Jupiter15 · 12/10/2018 22:00

Breast fed babies should feed on demand, and by doing this they learn appetite control so dream feeds are not actually a good idea. You are trying to get a baby to have a feed when it’s not actually hungry or wanting the breast.

user1493413286 · 12/10/2018 22:04

Dream feed worked really well for us although I didn’t do it until about 3 months as I hadn’t done an early bedtime before then.
I had a similar issue with DH and would get quite irritated, we brought the dream feed a bit earlier to 10.30 which helped

user1493413286 · 12/10/2018 22:06

I had no sympathy as I was used to being up at all hours but equally before children I never used to make it to 11pm when I was working

Freddiesgirl · 12/10/2018 22:06

Dream feeds never worked for me... didn't make any difference! Having said that if I asked my DH to do something and he fell asleep I would definitely be silently plotting his murder (but reluctant to carry it through due to the loss of the morning cup of tea in bed)

Plastictattoo · 12/10/2018 22:10

We did dream feed at about 10:30pm. Woke DC and changed nappy to rouse them a bit and then fed. Would usually sleep until about 3am. So if you've gone to bed at 8pm you would get about 7 hours uninterupted sleep!! Explain to your DH how much better you would feel with this much sleep and the benefits it would bring him. Remind him its only for a few weeks (hopefully!). But to, eventually, answer your question ... YDNBU!

HenryInTheTunnel · 12/10/2018 22:20

Dream feeds didn't do much for us either. Whether we did it or not he would still wake near enough the same times.

He could stay downstairs with baby until s/he wakes up, feed baby and then both come up to bed? That might allow you from 8.30pm until next night feed?

Believeitornot · 12/10/2018 22:23

When you say you’ve come downstairs I hope you mean to the spare room and baby isn’t sleeping on dh...

Waking every three hours at that age is good!! 6 weeks is still tiny.

Hisnamesblaine · 12/10/2018 22:23

Ahhhhhhh maybe I'm trying it too soon. Might be a idea to wait until he's 3 months old. Literally every mum I speak to on the school run swears by it so I thought I would give it ago. I just personally think that as I'm happy to do 5 nights out of 7 of feeds alone...the least he can do is the last feed of the night!

OP posts:
Bambamber · 12/10/2018 22:25

Waking frequently at night is healthy, risk of SIDS is apparently lower

Spanglylycra · 12/10/2018 22:29

I loved the dream feed, maybe didn't start it until 8-10 weeks though.
He is being an arse if you are trying to establish a routine, ultimately it will help you all.

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